Hi, so I live in a house opposite a shared one – you know a student house made up of randoms the local university has allocated to it. Made pleasantries with a girl who moved in in the fall, usually just "hey" and a lil wave when we see each other as we are going in and out of our driveways.
I went 2/3 weeks without seeing her – thought nothing of it. Then I bump into her at the local shop. She says she’s come back from being at her parents for a couple of weeks and she arrived back here to her room being taken of valuables. My first thought was someone kicked her bedroom door in, but she says she left it unlocked. She said the other sharers had had a party and these other random party people must have snuck in and took stuff. I blurted out why didn’t you lock your door, in a tone that was probably a bit too incredulous. She gasped and went I’m so sorry you don’t trust anyone and stormed off. She’s can’t have known these sharers for more than a month.
NAH.
Some people would rather risk being robbed than admit that they don’t live in Mayberry. She felt safe before, and now she feels violated. And then you threw judgment on top of that.
You’re not an AH for being part of “reality” and she’s not an AH for mourning the loss of her fantasyland.
Yeah, NAH. You just pointed out the reality, she just wasn’t ready for it. Happens.
NTA
That is some extreme naivety.
Do her parents not lock their doors when they leave the house?
Does she leave her car unlocked when she goes to the store?
Trust is earned not granted by default.
NTA – rule of thumb, if you won’t be home you lock your house same goes for your room within a shared home
Especially when your roommates and their friends are strangers
It’s a shame the girl had to learn this way, but yeah, lock.your door.
NTA. People are way too sensitive these days. Being incredulous about it will make her really think about her actions and hopefully stick, for her own betterment.
NTA. You didn’t insult her. You asked a perfectly logical question.
>I blurted out why didn’t you lock your door, in a tone that was probably a bit too incredulous.
NTA You didn’t deliberately mock her or blame her. I’m presuming your tone was a reflection of your genuine, spontaneous reaction of surprise, wondering why she didn’t do the obvious.
I don’t think you owed her policing that thought, pausing, and then speaking to her as if she were someone delicate, fae, and not all there, pretending that what she chose to do was a perfectly normal and not unusual or unwise thing at all — to go away for a couple of weeks deliberately leaving your room unlocked in a shared house where you don’t know the other residents or who they will let into the house.
She is free to be trusting, but you don’t owe her being on guard so she doesn’t ever find out that her ultra-naive and trusting view is genuinely surprising to people. It is.
NTA.
She’s not a friend or even acquaintance.
It seems she was looking for sympathy for doing something dumb.
I think your response was entirely reasonable. If she didn’t want to hear anything from you, she shouldn’t have mentioned it to you.
Her leaving her room unlocked, and being upset at your comment, is consistent with someone who’s extremely naive and also emotionally brittle.
NTA. Shared college housing with complete strangers? lol thats like leaving a hotel door open. Very naive, your reaction was a sincere response, because its unbelievable she wouldn’t consider the first line of protection by locking her personal bedroom door. Its not because you dont trust the housemates even- do you trust everyone ANY of the housemates let into the house? Silly.
She should be locking her door every time she leaves her room. Even if she’s still in the house! How can anyone be so stupid to trust strangers just because they share a common area?!!
YTA for victim blaming. It should not be necessary to lock a bedroom door in your own house. I never lived in a house with doors that could be locked when I was a student.
If she had left the house unlocked, that would be different, but that’s not what happened.
ITs not her house. She has a room there. That’s like leaving your hotel room open.
YTA
She is a victim of crime. Her home was robbed. It’s reasonable to have some trust in your roommates – otherwise how do you even live with them?
More importantly you remark was neither helpful nor compassionate. Why did you need to say it?