First of all, she is a wonderful loving grandma and she also lives with us. We have a good relationship and no serious beef at all. But she comes from such a different family culture than I did. Her’s being veryyyy affectionate and lovey dovey. For me, a hug was my family’s brand of affection. It makes me soooo uncomfortable that she kisses my son on the lips. Am I the asshole? Is it worth bringing up to my husband?
We told her no when he was a baby because of the immune system and all that and she listened (after a couple reminders…) , but now I don’t really have that excuse.
It’s time to start teaching your child about consent. You can start the role modeling by asking your child if you can hug them. At this age they can be ever perceptive. “No I don’t want a hug.” “No I don’t want a kiss.” If MIL says something you can explain consent and with your child being close to school age they are entitled to bodily autonomy.
We definitely have focused on teaching him consent from as early as he could comprehend. And he does set boundaries, which my mother in law respects. If our son says no, she doesn’t force affection on him.
Then there isn’t an issue unless there really is a health issue. Your son can say no, so he seems to be ok with it.
NAH, I get being weirded out by it but I dont think you should bring it up. My family is Polish and its definitely a cultural thing to kiss family on the mouth, especially young children. Its innocent affection, the same as a hug or forehead kiss to us. I understand it makes you uncomfortable but if you make it into something that its not, she will feel rejected. I guess its more of a question of why it makes you uncomfortable. I see it as a grandma loving her grandson and nothing more
NAH. It’s not a matter of being an asshole. It’s OK to be weirded out by things you find unfamiliar. The issue is how you handle it. Are you going to forbid her an innocent gesture of love because it doesn’t fit into your (unspecififed) background? Of coiurse it’s OK to bring it up with your husband. The question is what exactly you’re going to say about it.
Fun fact: this is exactly how a large percentage of the population gets oral herpes. NTA.
…..yeah that’s true……ugh……
Bonus fun fact: the bacteria that causes cavities can also be orally transmitted this way. NTA.
Getting oral herpes from “Gammy” is a leading cause of getting oral herpes. Probably.
I kissed both my mom and my grandmother on the mount until they each died in their late ‘80’s. Never thought anything about it.
NTA. U do have an excuse. It’s ur child. That is literally all the excuse u need. I agree also w teaching consent.
For sure. I will say, we have been really good about teaching our son about consent and he’s great at setting clear boundaries for himself. I’m feeling like I should just allow for him to set his own boundaries, especially since I know grandma is purely showing love and I don’t get any creepy vibes whatsoever. Sometimes he’s down for the affection and sometimes he’s not and she does respect it when he says no.
Great way to transfer the herpes virus.
NTA, cold sores can be transferred that way. Herpes simplex is for life and for young children it can turn into serious complications.