hi there! i am 19 years old and currently in college. my brother lives in georgia, while me and my mom live in california. to make a long story short, my mom and my brother are always either fighting or not, and sometimes dont speak to each other. i dont get in the way of their issues as im forced to pick a side instead of being neutral.
whenever theyre fighting, i essentially act as a messenger on both parties. my mom will ask me to text my brother about something and vice versa. the only thing is i never volunteered for this, and really hate doing it. sometimes ill be busy at work, and one of them will blow up my phone for another text message. and im like, clearly they need to speak to each other, why not act like adults and push aside the drama to just talk? and if i tell them to stop and to just text one another, they get upset and essentially ask why its so difficult for me to do it.
now to the root issue which is why im making this post. i was with some friends at cheesecake factory, and low and behold my mom asks again. i just set my phone on dnd, and push it to the side. when i get home, my mom is yelling at me at about how important it was that she contacted him because he had some id number or something that she needed, and she missed to window to submit it. idk exactly what it was, but based on her reaction it seemed important. after reflecting a bit, i really could have taken some time to just text my brother really quick, but at the same time im just sick of being their personal text messanging system. aita?
You could have been the go-between just this one more time, but when does it stop being one more time? She missed the opportunity because of her own actions. Did she attempt to message your brother at all for the information? If this was super important, she should have set aside her issues to get the information and keep it at that. You can’t be accessible all the time to be a messenger. What if you are caught up in an emergency or something delicate? What are they both going to do?
Nta.
NTA. Your mother has his number and could’ve easily texted him if it was really that important. It’s not on you that they’re so immature they need you to do their talking.
You don’t say how old your brother is, but I’m assuming that they’re both adults. They can act like it and communicate civilly with each other. It’s time to tell them that and that you will no longer be their go between. Period. And stick to it. Be prepared for tears, guilting and manipulation, but stand firm. This will go on as long as you let it. NTA
Don’t do it. You will be punished
NTA, their problems are for them to work out, and you should not feel the need to be more involved than you want to.
NTA. Tell your mom and brother that if they have something to say to each other that they need to and speak with each other instead of going through you. Then refuse to pass along their messages. They’re both behaving like children instead of adults who know how to use their words.
Google “triangulation in dysfunctional families” and go down the rabbit hole.
Group text them each others’ information with the note, “The other night I was out and unable to reach (ken) for (kendra.) Please contact each other directly from now on so this doesn’t happen again.”
NTA she is an adult unless he has her blocked which I guess is possible but even then you should not have to be a go between.