I’ve been getting to know this guy and everything was fine until this weird situation happened. He once told me a nickname kids used to tease him with, but when he told me it was in a totally light, laughing kind of way. I even told him the name people used to tease ME with and we both joked about it … so I really didn’t think it was a sensitive topic.
Later I referenced the same nickname jokingly and he completely shut down and told me it felt disrespectful. I apologized right away but he asked for space and disappeared for a week. Then he randomly texted saying he forgives me but we “shouldn’t move forward.” I told him okay and didn’t argue.
The weird part is he didn’t block me or unfollow me and he still watches my IG stories like nothing happened. So now I’m like… did I actually screw up that badly or is he just being avoidant? AITA for thinking it wasn’t that serious based on the jokey nature of the convo?
INFO – At any point did you ask him if it was okay to joke with it?
There’s too much missing here for a reasonable evaluation. For example, was it in front of other people or after he made a mistake? The thing is, it’s probably better to not tease a person about being teased unkindly in the past. When teasing is bullying, the intent is to humiliate. That can leave scars that can hurt in the present.
You were talking about the names you were “teased” with. Maybe he was actually bullied.
And it’s one thing for the kids in middle or high school to call him that, and something else for you to call him that. You’re supposed to be his safe space. He told you something that was probably hard for him to share, even if he put on a brave, laughing face, and you make a joke of it.
You say you said it jokingly, but that was at his expense.
YTA.
this, how inconsiderate can you actually be and not realize it?
Sometimes things don’t work out with someone and it wasn’t an explosive experience so you just gain a new instagram follower out of it lol.
I don’t think YTA, you misunderstood a social situation. Sometimes people are fine with joking about their own issues but don’t like it when other people do. Maybe he felt like you two weren’t close enough at that moment for you to joke about that thing.
It’s a good thing you apologized, but if he called it off and said it’s not moving forward then don’t reach out to him. If he still wants to see you he’ll reach out himself, but don’t push a boundary that has been set.
If it’ll make you feel better you can remove him from your followers list.
Kinda; you said it was something people said to you to make you feel embarrassed or hurt. Then you used it to refer to him or about him.
YTA for assuming it was OK without asking I would say. And he clearly was having a bit of a therapy session with you when laughing about it beforehand on the other occasion.
Interestingly enough this username RobotWillie is a nickname someone gave me in high school that I hated and then some of his friends started calling me that too. He thought I talked in a monotone voice like a robot and Willie aka William is my real name,and its something no one else seems to think as far as the monotone goes, and I think as I got older I got more expressive too. But when I was signing up for a website, I can’t remember what website at this time since I use it on so many now I can’t remember the first one, I chose the name Robot Willie because I couldn’t think of anything and I didn’t like anything else I had been using as a username so I decided to own up to it and use it as a point of pride instead, or at least as a useful interwebs username. To this day besides Reddit I use the name on PSN,Xbox Live and eBay to name a few and I still use those sites and services. In fact the Xbox Live is only a few years old I didn’t get an Xbox until 2022 and I got the PS3 in 2011 so I had the PSN name for a good 10 years already. I am just saying I even use it when I sign up to places a decade on, and I graduated high school 2009, such as Reddit here in 2019 I think it was. In some sense I still don’t like the name but I have also taken it as my online alter ego and am proud of the name in other senses. Its odd, its sort of how your friend was shedding light on his bad nickname in a laughing matter, but at the same time there is still bad memories associated with it even if you can see the humor in it now to a degree. I feel like my case was not bullying and the people who called me it were nice most the time and even sort of friends, and when they weren’t it was just teenage assholery and school pressures that had nothing to do with being a bully.
YTA. You might not have meant any harm at all, but using the term he explained to you was offensive and hurtful in the past on him wasn’t appropriate. I probably would have responded the same way. When someone opens up to you about a painful past, even if it is in a lighthearted way, to make jokes about it later, or use the expression about them later isn’t appropriate. I had done it once before myself. A friend had laughed when telling me something bad had happened to them, and I thought it was funny too, and spoke of it in a jokeful way a day or two later, and they were quiet with me afterwards. When approaching them about it, apologizing for speaking about it, they confirmed that though they had joked with me about it, they were hurt that I brought it back up. Don’t beat yourself up, because you didn’t know, but know in the future to refrain from doing so. You’ll find your person. The reason he is watching your stories, is probably due to still having care/a crush on you despite the hurt. I wouldn’t initiate contact, but he may one day.
YTA, if someone told you a story about how they were bullied using a mocking nickname, I’d be damn sure that it wouldn’t cause that person more pain if I were to use it in an attempt to be lighthearted. While he may be able to put a brave face on it, clearly it’s not something he’s moved on from when he’s actually called that name. We can’t be cavalier about such things until we know how they will be received (or have a good idea of how they’ll be taken)
Not everyone blocks or unfollows after a breakup (especially if you have not been together long). YTA. I don’t understand why you would use a nickname he was teased with. Your nickname may not be painful to you, but his might be.
YTA
He told you something people would do to tease him and then used it to tease him
As someone who has also been bullied let me say this, you never get over that. He trusted you with his trauma and you made it into a joke.
I’d distance myself from you if I was in his shoes.
YTA. Even if you didn’t intend to hurt him, you did. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t fix the situation. Maybe reach out to him and apologize. If he’s avoiding you, you can’t force him to come back.
i’ve actually ghosted someone for this. he kept doing it. wish i had just fucked off the first time he did it. people who joke at your expense after you’ve trusted them with somethjng sensitive arent emotionally trustworthy imo.
ive also had a friend who sent me a jokey card after i had a very sensitive surgery. lemons/mastectomy hahahhaha right? eh no. she’s dear to me but i still wonder about that one. esp now that shes had the same surgery…
YTA Even if he tried to make light of it, he was still hurt and traumatized by that kind of thing and you thought “then I can use it”.