I had a work event that took us to a big arcade style venue. It was very noisy and crowded inside. I discussed with my husband how I might want to leave early but would have shuttled over and wouldn’t have my car available to bail if I wanted. He was having an appointment nearby around the same time, and offered to drive me back to my car if I needed. The plan was for him to call me when he was done, sometime between 2 and 2:30, and me let him know whether I wanted a ride then.
He calls me at 2:29pm. I do not pick up, despite literally having my phone in my bra, because of how loud and active this place was; at the time he called, I was playing some sort of knockoff version of Dance Dance Revolution with lots of jumping, so I didn’t even notice the vibration.
I check my phone at 2:35, and notice:
– 1 phone call at 2:30
– 1 text message at 2:31 asking if I’m okay
– 1 phone call at 2:32
– 1 text message at 2:32 declaring, rudely, how useless I’d be in an emergency because I can’t answer my phone
I immediately find a quiet spot and call my husband back at 2:36, so a total of 7 minutes after his first call. He’s very obviously angry with me, and has already driven away and is no longer offering me a ride.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not picking up my phone on the first call and calling him back 7 minutes later? What is the expected time for a callback for a planned phone call? Am I a crappy wife or does he have unrealistic expectations here? I’m honestly torn, because he seems very insistent that I’m being “ridiculous” and “irresponsible”.
ETA: to clarify, I checked my phone throughout the time I expected his call; he first called at 2:29, which I noticed at 2:35 and called him back. Not sure if that makes a difference.
NTA – given you said you were checking your phone throughout the time frame. I don’t like feeling like my spouse is wasting my time making me wait around for them but a total of 7 minutes and then being rude? No way.
NTA. Sure you should have checked your phone at the agreed time, however if your having fun time ca easily slip away, and being only 7 minutes off isn’t crazy. So a slight E S H, but I’d feel more comfortable saying NTA
God forbid we all dont answer our phones every time someome calls.
NTA … He is the A-hole…
He was impatient and rude, and very inconsiderate. People wait longer than seven minutes in a fast food drive thru, so what was so important that he couldn’t wait for his wife to call him back?
Ive sat in my car after work for 15mins on my phone even if I was on my way to an appointment.
7 minutes isn’t that long and he literally texted at the last possible minute to text you which seems a little passive aggressive. I feel like if he wanted to pick you up he would’ve sent a text before 2:29.
I think your husband is just upset that you were having fun and he wasn’t included. Has he done things like this before where you’re having a good time without him and he spoils it? Does he spoil your achievements or celebrations?
NTA
NTA
It was 5 minutes, not 20. He knew where/the type of place you’re at so missing the call and calling back a couple mins later seems reasonable to me. Had it been something like 20+ mins later I could understand being upset.
NTA. It’s 7 minutes calm tf down
I’m sorry but how on earth do you stay married after something like this, it would be a dealbreaker for anyone to be mad at me for not being able to answer the phone for whatever reason. I don’t care who they are.
NTA but I’d be out of there so fast.
NTA
I was expecting to read you’d blown him off for half an hour or something.
6-7 minutes without calling him back and you’d been checking your phone through the agreed upon period? You did nothing wrong – he overreacted.
This is a convoluted way to interrupt you enjoying yourself.
When I was of adult age and still living with my mother, she pulled this shit. As if she is doing me a favor. We don’t talk anymore and haven’t in 2 decades.
NTA. You were in a noisy venue where it was not possible to hear your phone. In addition, it was a work event which made it possible that even if you could hear your phone, that you couldn’t have immediately answered it. Your husband should have realized that. He was being a bit unreasonable. Hopefully he will realize that once he has a chance to think about it.
NTA lol tf
Did you actually want to leave early or were you telling him that because he was already pissy about you going to a work event? Put a stop to this behavior from him. He’s trying to ruin your good time.