I know the title sounds weird, so I’ll start by providing some background info. I (20F) work at an after-school-program and there’s a little girl (7-8 F) who has some sensory issues (hasn’t been diagnosed with anything, so I won’t attempt to here). One day I was working with her, she started to melt down as my coworker (18F) gave all the kids hand sanitizer due to being averse to the smell and texture. I let her use mine (the Touchland Watermelon one from Ulta) and she calmed down, so I told her that in the future, she could just ask me to use mine.
Well, today, she asked if she could use my hand sanitizer. I of course said yes before my coworker said she could just use the school’s. The girl calmly explained that she didn’t like the smell and texture, but my coworker told her “I don’t care” and told me not to let her use it because she needed to learn that she couldn’t always get what she wants and it would result in the other kids wanting to use it. To be clear, I would have no issue with the other kids using it and am all for teaching kids that they can’t always get what they want, but I just don’t think this is the time or place to do so. However, me being neurodivergent could cause me to be biased, so I wanted to get some more neutral perspectives as to whether I was the AH
NTA. They’re your coworker, not your boss, so they don’t get to tell you how to do your job. I’ve worked in a similar environment, but with people who’d actually gotten diagnoses, and you still run into this kind of person who has to flex their authority and insist on Tough Love bs. It’s the worst, and more common than it should be.
Not an asshole. Perhaps worth discussing it with her parents so they can equip her with her own supply of hand sanitiser if it’s a sensory issue that might impact her health in future.
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too, or talking with who her teacher is (I work at a school where I know a lot of the staff and have good relationships with them since I also went there) and asking him/her for advice on how to approach the parent/guardian
NTA. Your coworker said “I don’t care” to a kid calmly explaining a sensory issue. That’s not teaching a lesson, that’s just being mean. You found a simple fix that works—keep doing it.
That’s what pissed me off the most, to be honest. I know that if a teacher had said that to me, there would’ve been hell to pay (I’m ND as well). Plus, it may make this kid afraid to advocate for herself, which is such an important skill for kids to have, especially if they’re ND and are around people who don’t really understand what it’s like for them
NTA. Some people, especially when it comes to taking care of kids, just believe you shouldn’t change ANYTHING to make a kid more comfortable. She’s not your boss, she can’t police your actions. I’m glad the kids have someone empathetic and kind like you caring for them.
NTA It’s hand sanitizer. Your coworker is making mountains out of mole hills. You teach kids that they can’t always get what they want by teaching them how to handle disappointment and regulate themselves. That’s a skill for managing things outside of your control. What goes on someone’s body should be well within their control.
Nta, she shouldn’t work with kids. You’re doing an amazing job looking out for your students. Dont doubt yourself, and you will go far. I would definitely speak to her parents and hopefully they will be more receptive.
NTA that girl needs to change her attitude about working with children.
You’re not “biased.” You’re empathetic. Your coworker needs to learn empathy. I guarantee that girl will remember the teacher that saw her aversion to something and helped her with it.
NTA you can’t always get what you want, but in this case it’s no problem to accommodate… It doesn’t mean you have to be constantly miserable just because life sucks sometimes.
NTA. These sensory issues tend to cause actual pain (ask me how I know) or at least the brain processes it as such so you’re helping a kid who’s having difficulty with the school sanitizer.
NTA there’s a difference between her learning she won’t always get what she wants and allowing cleanliness to be accessible to anyone regardless of sensory need or issues. Also it is your hand sanitizer and your co worker shouldn’t be allowed to tell you what to do with it. If the fact that it’s expensive is the problem you could try talking to a principal or something about getting a hand sanitizer that is sensory friendly or even go to the dollar tree and get their spray on hand sanitizer it comes in a watermelon scent and is pink. I use it at work cause I have to handle a lot of money that comes from very dirty people but I can’t stand normal hand sanitizer.
Your coworker is an asshole. Teaching kids that their preferences or needs (depending on the extent of the sensory aversion) should not be respected is horrible.
That you’re neurodivergent yourself means it’s easier for you to empathise with this girl. But honestly being nt is no excuse for your coworker’s attitude.