Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My wedding is on October 31, 2026, and I’ve been trying to plan early so everyone has plenty of time to ask off. I have seven bridesmaids, including my maid of honor.
I planned a meeting at the end of January to talk about the bachelorette trip, so I asked the group if a Sunday worked. Only three bridesmaids responded, so when I was with my MOH the next day, I asked her directly if that Sunday worked. She said no because it was the only day that month she had off with her boyfriend. I even suggested she stop by with her bf but she didn’t want to.
We also talked about the bachelorette trip (Friday–Monday). She immediately said she wouldn’t take any weekend days off because she makes the most money on Fridays. The thing is, I haven’t even brought up dress fittings, the bridal shower, or other MOH responsibilities that would almost definitely happen on weekends too. If she’s already refusing, I honestly don’t know how she expects to be MOH.
I reminded her that the trip would be planned seven months in advance, and we’d choose the dates together in January, but she still refused to consider any weekend. She wanted the trip Monday–Wednesday, but most bridesmaids can’t take weekdays off.
I also asked everyone to stay in an Airbnb with me the Friday and Saturday before the wedding since the venue is almost two hours away. It would be about $100 per person for both nights, and she said that part was fine.
Today I texted her and tried to compromise again and asked if she could meet on a Saturday instead of Sunday for the January planning session. She said yes, but only late at night after work. So I asked if she could also compromise by taking the two weekend days for the actual bachelorette trip. She repeated that she will not give up a weekend, no matter how far in advance.
At that point, I told her I didn’t think the MOH role was the right fit if everything had to revolve around her schedule. And she responded with:
“I don’t like being threatened just because I won’t put a beach trip over my financial situation.”
For context, I was planning on sitting down with all the bridesmaids and telling them that if anyone couldn’t afford the bachelorette trip or the Airbnb for the wedding, I would pay as much as I could to help. But the way she’s been acting, I didn’t feel comfortable offering that to her specifically. I don’t think she deserves a dime from me when she refuses to meet me halfway on anything.
So I told her I needed to choose someone else.
AITA for removing her as my maid of honor?
NAH, but you two clearly want different things. She’s protecting her income, you’re trying to plan a once-in-a-lifetime event. Neither is wrong, but the MOH role needs time and flexibility, and she can’t give that. It makes sense to choose someone who actually can.
YTA. The world does not revolve around you and your wedding, especially in this economy! And a whole year of demanding several weekends from your bridal party?! You asked her to be your MOH. Assuming you’re close, you know her work, relationship, and financial situation, correct? No one should go into debt for a wedding, their own or otherwise. No one should have to overextend themselves at your demand, either. Since you have the means, you should and could have led with meeting her halfway financially. Now you’re on some power trip because she’s setting boundaries off the bat…? You need a reality check.
it’s not meeting halfway if you didn’t offer to do anything on her schedule. if she is unavailable and you don’t want to change the schedule then she cant make it.
YTA. You are reserving a what may feel to some like whole year of weekends so you can throw yourself multiple parties because you are getting married, and you insist every BM be there to show their loyalty to you, showering you with gifts, and digging into their savings for elaborate trips that are all about you, regardless of their own lives or responsibilities. You need to rethink things and realize you are not the center of anyone’s universe. Your BMs have lives, jobs, bills, and boyfriends. Keep it simple. And enjoy those who can attend.
NAH although your behaviour could have been better. You ask *an awful lot* of time and money from your bridesmaids. I don’t understand why people dare to ask others to spend so much time and money on other people’s weddings. *Her needing to work is very very valid*. You should have picked someone with more time in the weekends from the start, if your wish list is so extensive. You should at least have told her beforehand how much time off you demand her to take and ask whether she was willing to do so.
In the long run YTA…
A wedding is a day, not a series of events
The MOH should be your number one person you want by your side at the alter the day of and possibly helps plan one night out in the bride’s town where everyone goes back to their respective homes or shares and uber and crashes in one free location like someone’s apartment…
It’s not meant to be a 3 day trip
If you want a planner or organizer hire one
if all these little expensive events matter at a time when it seems like your friends are not in similar financial or time constraint spots than maybe you need to reconsider what MOH means to you and select a different one.
YTA
You shouldn’t expect people You care about to bankrupt themselves for you. She needs to live her own life before, during, and after your wedding.
You accept that your other friends need to work but this person that, considering the role you have her, is the closest to you, you expect to give up multiple days of work.
You need to manage expectations. Like, you can have a zoom call about the trip. Finding an hour in the week that everyone can join will probably be much easier.
Dress fittings don’t need to be in a group. You can pick a color, a style, a designer, or a specific dress, whatever, and send them to the store when they can go.
Or, you can take off work and go with your friend when it works for her.
Girl your wedding is not THAT important, either you love this person or not. If they live in the US, they get very few days of PTO. It is unreasonable to expect them to use it all on your wedding
“I honestly don’t know how she expects to be MOH.”
This is your problem right here. What you’re expecting from these women – slavish devotion and all their vacation time – is really pretty gross, and yet you act like you’re bestowing this tremendous honor on her.
Jeez, brides these days. YTA. Let her go get some new, more understanding friends that she deserves and find a better sycophant as that’s clearly what you think friends are.
MOH isn’t a job description. Weddings have gotten so out of hand.
Edit: YTA
She’s an adult with financial responsibilities that don’t stop just because you’re convinced the world should revolve around you. You claim you’re trying to meet her halfway but that’s a lie. You haven’t even attempted to plan anything for a weekday, but instead keep asking her to take multiple weekends off when she already told you that would put her at financial risk. YTA for expecting her to prioritize your wedding planning over her own well-being.
YTA. I’m sorry but you sound exhausting. You don’t get a whole year of being a bride you get one day that honestly is not worth the money. This idea that you have to spend $30,000 + for a wedding and expect all bridal members to be there for every little thing is not being realistic.
Hard YTA. I just got married, and I worked with my MOH’s schedule to plan things, because by being my MOH, SHE was the one doing me a favor, NOT the other way around. You didn’t BLESS her by appointing her your MOH. You saddled her with a year and a half of extra work that she’s not getting paid for and expenses she likely can’t afford. I wanted her to be my MOH because she is my best friend, not because she had the most time to be at my beck and call. She’s an extra pair of hands and emotional support, not your wedding slave. If anything, you just saved her a year of hell by demoting her, so, congrats to HER.
She didn’t refuse to take the weekend off for your wedding, did she?? YTA. Just because you think your wedding is a year long event, doesn’t mean everyone else should oblige. Good for her for standing her ground