Hi everyone, I wanted to see if I was wrong. My friend Jay ( 21 M) and I (20F) have been friends for three years. We are in the US where the drinking age is 21. Jay and I go to the same college. I love Jay and he is one of my closest friends. However, he has this habit of asking me to go do things with them and then go into 21+. I have said that i don’t really enjoy sitting around in a town i don’t really know for hours. This event happened very recently. we were out driving around and he said “hey there’s this college town center that I really want to go to do you wanna come with?”. I say yes under the impression that we were going to be in this town center, and that we were going to not be very long. however, that was not the case. We were driving and he pulls up to a line dancing bar that is 21+. He then says” I’m gonna go in here really quickly and see if the music is good.” I don’t really know what to say and he just walks off and I’m still sitting in his car. He then text me saying that the music is fire that there’s a line dancing and he’s probably gonna stay till 11 PM which is two hours from now. I get really upset and don’t respond to his text. He continues to texting saying “this is really great. I’m loving the environment.” He offers me his car and tells me I can drive around and go do things if I want. I finally respond and say “OK you have fun. there’s not much for me to do around here” he responds with “well now I feel bad” and I say “you just line dance I’ll be fine.” When he gets back, I tell him “hey next time you plan on doing this, please let me know so I can make alternate plans. “He gets upset, saying that I was overreacting and I was alive and fine. I said that I had told them multiple times in the past how upset it makes me when I have to just waste my time sitting in a car. I then proceed to crash out. He just drove back in silence and didn’t say a word to me the rest of the day AITA?
Edit: I very much crashed out. It probably wasn’t the best while he was driving back. He also offered to let me do whatever but I decided against it. I also didn’t say the nicest things which in turn got him more upset.
He is absolutely not one of your closest friends, move on.
Yah anyone who leaves you while they go off it’s kind of diabolical. You deserve better than that.
Clearly NTA
Absolutely NTA. If your friend ditches you, you have every right be upset at them.
NTA.
Girl, he basically said “come vibe with me” then ditched you like an NPC in his side quest. You’re not overreacting you just want basic respect. If he wants to line-dance, he can do it without wasting your whole evening.
ESH. “I say ‘you just line dance I’ll be fine'” but your whole point seems to be that you’re not fine with this treatment. His behavior is ridiculous and obnoxious, but you keep going along with it. Just stop.
NTA. Seems like he just wants a sober driver, but then it said he drove?? WTF??
This is too weird. Just tell him you’ll check back in when you’re 21 so you can “join the fun.” And then make new friends and forget about him.
that’s the part the confused the fuck out of me. He doesn’t need me to drive him places or back. He’s always been sober. I do occasionally drive to get food or pick up stuff but more often than not I just doom scroll while I wait.
NTA it’s selfish and very unthoughtful of them to ditch you like that, you want to go have fun it’s ok but when we’re together it should be smth you can also enjoy and participate in, otherwise don’t waste my time!
How is it ok to leave your friend in a car alone for 2hrs while you’re dancing and having fun! I’m stunned!
You’re his ride home lol he’s no friend
>he has this habit of asking me to go do things with them and then go into 21+
This is not acceptable in any way. I’m not sure what the heck he is thinking, or why he is doing this.
BUT c’mon, where is your self respect? He’s done this more than once? Pff, frack that noise. Tell him to show you some common decency or you are done. Next time drive the car home and let him sort out an alternate plan of his own. Or better still – don’t go anywhere with him so there isn’t a next time.
NTA
This reads like he deliberately does this to rub it in that he can do it and you can’t. Like older siblings vibes, except most older siblings grow out of that by the time they’re 12…
He doesn’t really seem like your friend
NTA You’ve seen how much he values your company- not at all. Why are you still pretending he’s your friend? Ditch him and get some real friends who don’t treat you like a dog to be tied up outside a store.