This Christmas, my entire family is coming to my home to celebrate. Our guests include my mom, my sister, my dad, my dad’s girlfriend, my MIL, my FIL, my son (C, 2yo), my daughter (M, 3mo), and my husband. My MIL + FIL are staying with us (which we knew), and my sister is staying in our basement (which we just found out about).
This is our first Christmas where C knows what’s going on, and our first Christmas with the 4 of us (C, M, me, and my husband). Since we are finished having children, this year’s Christmas feels different and special.
Last week, I texted my family this:
“[intro and hello to family] Also, please note our plan for xmas…
It’s really important to me that I get a magical little slice of time with the kids each Christmas, but that we all get to celebrate together. I’d like to request that we do this:
– Wake up and stockings with me, M, C, and [husband] only. (7:30am)
– Breakfast together (8am – all of us).
– Presents (all of us).
– Chilling in the afternoon. Football, eggnog/cider, crossword, playing with the kids, etc.
– Christmas dinner will be festive, but low-key. [Husband] will be preparing a beautiful Christmas Eve dinner since that is the day his family usually celebrates.
Objections?”
I thought my request was fair and reasonable, given that this is our first year as a family of 4 with a kid who is *aware* of the magic. I also felt like asking my family for 30 mins where I got to be alone with my family was not overdoing it. Some important context: we don’t do stockings for adults (only for kids). Despite me feeling like it was reasonable, my family blew up. My sister said it was unfair and hurtful, and my dad and his girlfriend felt the same. My MIL and FIL didn’t love it, but said they understood and agreed to it, and my mom said “it’s your Christmas, you should do what you want with your family.”
So, internet people…
AITA?
YTA – people are staying at your house for Christmas. You expect them to stay in their respective rooms until 8 am? If you’re hosting you just need to deal with it. Or you shouldn’t have offered to have people stay AT your house. If you wanted time with just your family then you should have had folks stay at a hotel and come over.
YTA. For making guests feel unwelcome. Breakfast is at 8. what are they supposed to do if they wake up early? You basically said to hide in your bedroom until 8 because we don’t want your presence to ruin our Christmas.
You could have left that part off the schedule and quietly had your 30 minutes alone. Should have it extra early and in the privacy of another room if possible.
ESH. Why invite people to stay in your home if you wanted alone time?
Don’t host.
Why not do stockings in your bedroom or the kids bedroom? You could have said something like – “we’ll leave the coffee machine loaded ready to power on and croissants/cereal in the kitchen for anybody who wants to be up early. We’ll see you at 8 for Christmas morning breakfast”. And just go get the kids quietly and bring them into your room at 7:30 or whenever. I think you made it way too complicated.
YTA: you invited people to stay at your house and then demanded they stay in their rooms for a few hours. That is incredibly rude.
YTA – don’t allow people to stay in your home if you are going to exclude them. Tell them to find a hotel and that your home will open at whatever time for guests.
Yta
You have guests in your house. Having everyone together in chaos is how it works when the house is full of people for Christmas.
Why are you Micro managing the day? Why make such a big deal out of it? There’s no problem with wanting the stocking time alone, but you could have just quietly gathered your kids for stockings without a fuss. You drew attention to it with a very weird message to manufacture drama.
Gently, YTA here. I completely understand wanting to have a special moment with just your family, but if that is what you wanted then you should not be hosting.
I am a mother of 5, my kids are all older now so this is coming from experience:
You cannot schedule magical moments. The idea that you’ll be able to do just stockings with a toddler who is aware of the present stack waiting for them in a half an hour and then get that toddler to happily leave these goodies they just got is kind of hilarious to me. Kids don’t work that way.
By rigidly trying to schedule Christmas morning you’re sucking the life out of potential magic moments. They won’t happen, and you’ll just feel frustrated.
Furthermore you strike me as the sort who is the one taking the photos, yes? If you relax about this, others can take photos for and of you with your kids, and you can snap candids of them. Too many parents aren’t in the photos because they’re the ones taking them.
Relax. Decide if breakfast happens before or after gifts, put eggnog and/or peppermint and/or chocolate in your coffee (or seasonal flavor boozes if you imbibe, I like a chocolate liqueur in mine), enjoy having a treat with your fellow grown ups. Wear matching pjs, all of you. Even the dog/cat/lizard.
Actually take the time to simply Be with your family.
(Edited to correct a word)
2yrs old or 3 months old will not even remember this alone time with u. Unless u live in a mansion it is weird to ask people to stay in their room until certain time. Dont host next time.
YTA. You have guests staying with you, you should let that solo family time in the morning go or let someone else host.
YTA that’s rude. You have guests in the house and are effectively saying, stay in your room and away from us. If you wanted alone time? Don’t host people.
YTA.
It’s downright _rude_ to invite people to stay in your house and then tell them they aren’t allowed downstairs until whatever time you decide you want to see them.
Either accept they will be there from the off, or ask them to stay elsewhere.
YTA if I was a guest in somebody’s house and was told I had to pretend I wasn’t there until 8am and then was allowed to come join the celebrations I’d feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome. It’s understandable you want some family time but it should be the other way round where you’re the ones to stay in a bedroom or you do something outside the house later in the day. You shouldn’t have guests stay. If you go ahead with this you’re going to throw off the whole day with a weird vibe. If I were your planned guest and got this message I’d cancel.