I’ve been gaming for years with two close friends, Harold and Kumar. I’ve know Harold for about 8 years now and we’ve been gaming over the years together quite constantly. Kumar joined us somewhat 4 years ago or something like that. So we usually play as a trio especially in the last 6 months or something.
For the past few months, we got stuck in the same survival/crafting/base-building type of game. It’s a game that Harold proposed and after a few months I started feeling really burnt out. I told them several times that I was getting tired of that genre and would love to play something different for a change, but nothing really changed. Harold dismissed most alternatives, and Kumar usually changed his opinion to match Harold’s. For example I suggested a PVE game that is not super stressful. Kumar first was excited and mentioned he wanted to play it too but Harold immediately pointed out flaws of the game and that it is too stressful for him, which immediately changed Kumar’s opinion to match it with Harold. This is usually the case. In another example, I finally managed to convince Harold to just play another game with Kumar and me for one evening, which all of us already have. As soon as I got in the discord call he mentions that we are not playing it and we play the usual game.
By the way, all Harold wants to play are games of this genre. And it will always default in the same roles during gameplay where he wants to be somewhat of a leader, decides what we should do and becomes frustrated, if we don’t play like he wants us to. This makes the whole game play mechanic feel like actual work to be honest.
Because of that, I naturally became a bit more passive. I’d join when I had time, but I stopped initiating or proposing things because it felt pointless. I didn’t want to be annoying or pushy, so I figured they just weren’t in the mood for any change.
Recently Harold and I had a longer casual chat and I brought up the idea of a voting system on what to play next and he agreed. After we went through everyone’s wishlist I put together a poll with a bunch of new games we could try. During the vote, Harold wanted to steer our attention to another game, which was of the same type again. I’ve reiterated that maybe for the next game we should focus on the some other genres before staring one of this again.
Later that evening, I noticed Harold had invited Kumar (and another friend of Harold) to an older and different Discord server (I’m certain Harold forgot that I’m also in that server). I gave the Kumar the greeting reaction one can do on Discord without thinking much about it. But then I’ve noticed they were playing one of the top-three games we had picked together but with Harold’s friend without mentioning it to me.
I haven’t confronted anyone and it’s not my style to be honest. I’ve just stepped back to get some space and focused on other gamer friends. But I’m wondering if maybe AITA for having become more passive and maybe I deserved this?
It’s not illegal to play by yourself you know
NTA, but also, sounds more like you were incompatible with your friends because y’all grew apart. It happens.
It’s not great that you were ignored for your suggestions, and it’s not great that you were left out of the decisions, but it’s also you not wanting to constantly follow someone who wants you to be more of a tag-along instead of playing something different. And that’s valid.
You need better friends.
NTA just sounds like friends being incompatabile. Doesnt mean you can’t be mates but to them they probs discussed between themselves and sussed you weren’t that interested so stopped inviting. Sucks, but happens.