Ex and I have a 4yr old girl. For context this girlfriend (30ish i think F) has dated my ex (28m) in the past after we broke up nearly 3 years ago and they were together for not even 4ish months while through the whole relationship he cheated on her so much that one of my friends posted him and I saw his scandal, he still lived with me at this point and tried to still sleep in the same bed at early hours of the morning etc. with me removing myself and getting into arguments with him but desperately wanted to introduce this woman to our child. I (25F) am a child of a broken family and this is the only child I can have also so I want to raise her right including the view of relationships. so after all the arguing in the past her father and I made an agreement to introduce each other to the people that would be involved with our daughter so we both knew she was in safe hands around the people we care about all the time on the note that we see them for at least 6-12 months first to make sure the relationship is stable before bringing her into it. So she’s not having people in and out of her life. I have our daughter Sunday morning to Friday morning and he has her Friday night gets her at 5pm from daycare and Saturday night, brings her to me Sunday morning. He’s now seeing the girl again and has brought our daughter straight away back around in her life. AITAH for feeling upset over his gf being around her on her dad’s time with her when he also only gets to see her for a small amount of time and without them being in a fully stable relationship as of yet as it’s only just started again?
NTA for being upset, your feelings are your feelings
but Y W B T A if you try to control what your ex does,
No. They have an agreement about when to introduce new partners to their child and he has ignored that agreement.
When one parent’s behaviour affects the child, the other parent is absolutely within their rights to do something about it.
It is better for children to not be meeting people their parents are dating until it is a stable and committed relationship. The agreement that OP has with the child’s father should be followed and OP is NTA for expecting that agreement to be followed.
If the guy only has his kid on Friday and Saturday I don’t see how he’s supposed to keep her away from people he’s seeing.
He also works casually as a support worker and she’s a barista. He has from Sunday 10:30 from the time he drops her to me to Friday evening 4pm before he picks her up at daycare to see her on his own time. Our child is already coming home every weekend from him hitting, biting and using bad language that I need to set straight before going to daycare on a Tuesday or I get lectured by daycare teachers because of her behaviour and how she acts out..
Former “hitting, biting and using bad language” child here.
Dad’s new missus really isn’t the problem for the clear psychological issue your child is going through.
Missing so many details from this post honestly, but it seeming to be everyone else’s fault is sus.
NTA – you agreed to a suitable timeframe to introduce and he’s immediately betrayed that. You can only do good for your kid on your side now, as i don’t think there’s any legal bindings here. You can air these complaints to him, but does sound like it may fall on deaf ears. Guarantee he would probably get annoyed if you did the same. But NTA for sure.
Yta You have zero say in who he sees at any time
I think that’s literally not the point here. All OP wanted was for their daughter not to be introduced to anyone unless he was sure that his relationship with that person was completely stable. This is a logical reason, as it is the simplest right of a child to see a stable home. Since her family is not really together, they want their daughter to see a stable and healthy home. However, the father is not making any effort in this regard, as it is clear that his current relationship is strained, and he is putting his daughter in this situation.
NTA
INFO: Do you have a legal custody arrangement with your ex? If not, I recommend you make one as soon as you can.
I’m also a little curious about this agreement you came to. Was the response more “I hear what you’re saying and agree we should try to demonstrate stable relationships to our child,” or was it “yeah, whatever you say, can I just stop hearing you talk?” People do that.
This guy has already shown he can’t be trusted any farther than you can throw him, and unless you can find a legal way to deny him his parental right to have time with his child, you have no right to dictate to him how to parent or to whom he can introduce her.
Unfortunately you have no control over what he does as a parent, sorry.
NTA for caring, but your feelings do not matter here.
I agree on waiting but do you have a parenting plan in place? The father of my child and I have one and one of those written in rules is before a New Romantic partner is introduced the other parent meets them first.
Him and I worked on a parenting plan together but you sound like you need a court ordered one..