AITAH for not letting my man take out kid to meet his grandpa****
For back story his dad and I never really got along pre pregnancy nor when I was pregnant. I always kept it cordial with him said hello, how are you, and bye. He’s a complete dick to my man but they work together so that’s just another story. Anyways when it came time to speak about my boundaries when baby was here he said it was a complete joke & that he wasn’t gonna follow them. Cool he kept his word didn’t come to visit us at all in the hospital nor when we got home.
My man likes to say it’s because he’s old school and doesn’t believe in the things I set and that’s why he gets offended blah blah. All I said was I want visitors to be limited, visits short. Everyone wash their hands/ sanitize. And no kissing babies. As well as to come showered because they work construction and sometimes people just forget. I am a first time mom lol but as well I was just overthinking everything and my brain just wanted that to be said.
It’s been 3 months since baby has been born. He still has yet to meet him. I tell my man he’s more than welcome to come to our house to meet him but I am not taking the kid over to his house. My man tells me I have to be the bigger person and that it’s his son too blah blah. His dad’s brother is also here and as well has yet to meet him. I tell my man they both haven’t made an effort to see him as we do live 2 mins driving distance too and that isn’t my fault so AITAH for refusing to let him take our kid over to meet his dad at HIS house
YTA – You are being petty and vindictive. When you have a problem with someone, you deal with it instead of using a child as a weapon against them. You also are an AH to your man. It’s obvious by your gratuitous use of “blah blah blah” that you have no interest in seeing the side of your man. He is right. It’s his child too and you have no right to dictate where he can take them. You should really be less self centered. Relationships are about compromise.
How is GP “compromising” here? What you are telling OP to do is be a flatter doormat. No, she is not required to deliver her human child to AH grandpa, like a pizza. She is allowing this man to meet her child. She is even willing to welcome him into her home. That IS her compromise. If GP thinks his little power struggle is more important than knowing his grandchild. Then, he can sit and spin. It isn’t his child. He has ZERO power.
It IS her man’s child. Does he have no say in where he takes his child? Did you miss her explanation of everything her man said as blah, blah..? That says to me that she has zero respect for her partner or what he has to say. If it were a man who said “my woman said blah, blah, blah” everyone would lose their mind. Children aren’t pawns to get your way. If there is a safety issue I could understand it. I didn’t want my toddler on the floor at the home of one particular relative as they only vacuumed maybe once a year. That doesn’t seem to be the case here.
The way I read it is he’s upset because she asked for short visits and clean hands and no kissing for the babies health and he refuses to come meet his grandson over it and now wants the son to bring grandson over there to him so he doesn’t have to do those things. I’m assuming since you have kids you know how dangerous RSV is, clean hands and no kissing is not asking too much. If the son is arguing gramps deserves to meet him for whatever reasons then it is blah blah blah because unless grandpa agrees to handling the baby safely then any point he has is moot.
YTA. Your using your child as a weapon. From reading this it seems like you may be a very petty and vindictive person. Also, telling people to shower is just plain rude.
She is NOT using her child as a weapon. GP can meet the child. She is willing to welcome him into her home. She just isn’t GP’s employee and not required to deliver her child like a pizza. If GP wants to meet the child. He can get his ass off the couch and put in a bare minimum of effort to do so.
NTA why do you have to be the bigger person, if someone wanted to meet your child they should put in the effort not you. When I had my kid It really shows who cares and who doesn’t. If it’s really an issue he should come and meet his grandson if he really wants to. Your only protecting your child and your sanity which is needed in motherhood.
NTA. Those are such basic normal things to ask of someone when you have a newborn. It SHOULD be common sense but it’s not, obviously (i mean look at these comments).
I can see why you said showered because who wants someone covered in construction dust/debris holding their newborn?
They haven’t made an effort, why should you? His old ass can be offended all he wants and just not meet his grandkid. Seems like being right is more important than the baby to him anyway.
It’s understandable as a first time mom to go overboard. The washing hands and not kissing is not overboard at all though that’s about viruses. RSV is no joke anyone who argues or guilt trips over that doesn’t need to be around the baby. The showering though that’s just dirt it’ll wash off. We also have construction workers in the family and as long as they weren’t working with hazardous material or something like insulation then a shower isn’t strictly necessary imo . Ntah
If grandpa is not coming just because he would have to wash his hands and take a shower grandpa needs to get some perspective.
NTA- You and your partner are a team, and if one of yall isn’t comfortable with something then that needs to be worked through. Priority should ABSOLUTELY be on the well being of the mom for the first few months after birth while she recovers and survives the 4th trimester….if someone isn’t respectful of you and your boundaries then they doesn’t get the privilege to meet baby. And for the “it’s his baby too” yes it is, but why is he letting his dad walk all over the mother of his child? She’s not saying the can NEVER bring baby over in the future, just not right now and that is 100% okay. Like full stop what is even happening in the comments? Any man who lets his dad disrespect the mother of his children needs to get his shit together. If she was being unreasonable then that’s one thing but seriously? NTA
NTA. There’s a generational issue in the responses. The demands you are making about hygiene are not overthinking: they are what any well-informed mother today would insist on. Twenty or thirty years ago, not so much. Grandparents (and some commenters) often find that extreme or bizarre and controlling, but really—it’s basic hygiene. You know that if dad takes baby to grandpa, those precautions go out the window. — Having said that, I’d encourage you to pay attention to the issue of your representing your husband’s POV as “blah blah blah.” Listen better; respect him more; communicate better. One could argue, as some commenters have, that he has a right to take the child to grandpa. You need to try to do a better job of winning him over, and not just put your foot down and say no, or your hsuband may assert that right.
NTA all of my friends with babies have had these exact rules. This is so normal, grandpa is saying he won’t respect them just to be an ass
ESH This is a mess but the thing that bothers me the most is you calling this A “my man.” Nothing about this says he cares about you at all. The poor baby.