I am 29F, me and my niece (Molly, 14) are very similar especially when it comes to food, we cannot stand seafood, doesn’t matter what it is or how it’s made, we can’t stand it.
Recently Molly and her twin sister (Hannah, 14) won a championship at school, and their paternal grandparents offered to take them out to celebrate. Normally they go to a local steakhouse but Hannah has been wanting to go to this seafood restaurant (unlike Molly she LOVES seafood especially sushi and crab). This caused problems with Molly and she didn’t even want to go, their mother forced her saying the restaurant probably had other things besides seafood to eat.
Apparently Molly straight refused to order anything even the non seafood options loudly saying it didn’t matter because everything smelled like whale sperm and she won’t be able to eat anything. Obviously this embarrassed everyone else and I was called to come get her and that she was grounded for making a scene.
I still took her to the steakhouse to eat which pissed her mother because I was rewarding bad behavior, and was apparently supposed to take her home to starve or feed her whatever was in the house. I asked her did Molly not help win the championship? Because why was Hannah being the only one rewarded for it. She tried to say the restaurant was for everyone and that there were safe options for Molly. I disagree because the smell almost took me out just walking in to grab her, I can’t imagine how miserable it was for her.
Molly is refusing to speak to anyone except for me and her dad who is currently out of state, claiming her grandparents and mother don’t care about her or if she gets sick from their nasty food, she has asked the school to stop pairing her with Hannah and that she wants to be separate from her sister which is upsetting Hannah.
Obviously YTA. You’re behaving as childish as your niece. Jfc
But seafood is icky and the smell almost took them out! That surely justifies a tantrum and rewarding shitty behavior!
I think YTA.
‘Normally they go to a local steakhouse but Hannah has been wanting to go to this seafood restaurant’
So…I’m not seeing a common theme where Hannah gets her way and Molly gets ignored. Quite the opposite.
‘Apparently Molly straight refused to order anything even the non seafood options loudly saying it didn’t matter because everything smelled like whale sperm and she won’t be able to eat anything.’
Refusing to eat is one thing, but this was really rude and obnoxious behaviour. Like…if you don’t like it, fine, but why ruin it for everyone else?
You did reward her. Molly’s lesson is that if she behaves badly, her aunt will come and get her and give her exactly what she wants.
I feel sorry for Hannah. She did nothing wrong and is simply collateral damage in a massive tantrum.
That’s exactly it. Molly seems like she threw a temper tantrum for not getting her way again.
Cool aunt gone wrong. YTA
YTA. Molly always gets to go where she wants and Hannah asked for her choice this time. If Molly didn’t want to go, fine. She did not, however, need to be rude and make a scene. And you did reward bad behavior by taking her where she wanted to go after the way she behaved.
Does it suck that the place smelled super fishy? Sure but most seafood places do. If Molly was reasonable, and I know that’s a lot at 14, she would have at least tried something. She could compromise like her sister has done going to a steakhouse because her sister doesn’t like seafood.
Instead she had a fit, was rude, and still got to eat where she wanted. So now she has learned you will reward her for bad behavior. Speaking as a parent of a picky eater, she can either eat something there, or stay home. She decided to make a joint accomplishment about what she wanted.
It might have been better to celebrate the girls separately, but there will be times when each of them will have to go places they don’t like to support each other. It’s a lesson Molly can start learning now. She’s old enough to understand she was rude and should apologize.
YTA- Niece overreacted and there are things we do in life to accommodate large groups. While the selection of the restaurant is something that can be discussed for future outings. The aunt was trusted to help with the niece and definitely rewarded bad behavior.
ESH – except maybe Hannah. I can understand her wanting to try a seafood restaurant for a change and not always going to the steakhouse that her sister wants. Maybe, they could have done 2 dinners – one for Molly at the steakhouse and one for Hannah at the seafood restaurant (also, only the twin whose restaurant they were going to would attend). I know that can get expensive, but it also isn’t fair for Molly to always be the one to choose the restaurant (or risk her acting like an immature child who doesn’t know how to behave in public). (Also, OP didn’t say that Molly was allergic to seafood – just that she couldn’t stand it and chose not to eat any of the non-seafood items.)
OP – So, you honestly believe that a 14 y/o “loudly saying” (so, probably shouting) that “everything smells like whale sperm” in a public place is appropriate behavior? She’s 14 y/o – you two should both know that’s inappropriate and disrespectful towards the restaurant and staff (who have no role in this family issue). I get that she doesn’t like seafood, but she needs to learn to compromise. Be honest – how often does Hannah get to pick which restaurant they go to?
Molly not liking the restaurant (and the food being served there) is not an excuse for her to behave as she did. The fact that you just took her to a different restaurant when her mother grounded her for being so disrespectful (to the restaurant and staff) just taught her that you think her outburst is okay and acceptable.
Personally, I think that (until Molly can understand and verbalize how her behavior was unacceptable) she should be deemed “too young” to go to restaurants as celebration for accomplishments. So, if her and Hannah both win an award, then only Hannah goes out to eat. If only Molly wins, then maybe they can do a celebratory meal at home, since she clearly doesn’t know how to behave in public (unless, of course, she’s getting her way). Regardless, I wouldn’t be surprised if the grandparents decide to just do away with celebratory anything for Molly until she apologizes to them.
ESH – parents should have enforced a restaurant pick that worked for both of the twins.
Molly shouldn’t have been rude and described the food as smelling of whale sperm.
You shouldn’t have rewarded the tantrum by taking her to a steakhouse after she threw a fit.
Molly was extremely rude; you don’t shout out, “this place smells like whale sperm!” in the middle of a restaurant when others are trying to enjoy their meal.
Since they “normally go to a steakhouse,” I don’t really blame Hannah, who loves seafood, to have her desires catered to once in a while. There were non-seafood items on the menu for Molly to eat.
I agree that Molly also (would have) deserved a reward, and if she had been polite about not being able to eat anything, your taking her to a steak place instead would have been sweet and appropriate.
But the point was not to reward Hannah and not Molly. The issue was that Hannah should be able to eat what she likes on occasion, Molly threw a tantrum because she didn’t get her own way for once, and was sent home because of it.
YTA
YTA.
The championships doesn’t have anything to do with this. Molly acted like an ass and you rewarded her for it. Most seafood places have a chicken or steak option. Molly needs to learn how to behave when she doesn’t get what she wants and you’ve undermined that.
Very very gently YTA, but I am interested to see what others think.
I will preface my thoughts with the fact that I am raising two kids that are my niece and nephew. Previously I could be fun aunt and now I’m their parent and it’s turned all my thoughts about kids upside down.
Beforehand, I would’ve done the same. She should be celebrated, she accomplished something with her sister. It is a reward and seafood sucks. (I agree there.)
However, as a parent, you are thinking more about the bigger picture. The family does *normally* go to the steakhouse, so she gets to eat her preferred food with some regularity. If her sister has been wanting to go to this place and hasn’t been able to, it is reasonable that one of the family outings is to this new seafood place.
Part of growing up, and part of the job of a parent, is to teach your child how to handle disappointment or dissatisfaction. She was entitled to be unhappy with the restaurant choice. But making a fuss about it and pouting (“It stinks so bad, I just won’t eat /anything/.”) Isn’t appropriate. As adults, if we go out somewhere that we don’t like as part of a larger group, especially if someone else is really invested in it, we suck it up and find the least terrible thing and enjoy the time with our family and appreciate that our loved one’s enjoyed something.
At 14, her parents want to instill that in her and she is old enough to handle it. If she is throwing a teenage hissy fit about the smell and the menu and ruining everyone’s time, she goes home and eats what’s in the house. She definitely won’t starve. She will make a less desirable meal from what is already there and might make her rethink her behavior, at least around her parents next time.
The sisters both won the award. They typically go to a steakhouse. This time they tried something different. Trade offs happen and her accomplishment doesn’t give her the right to be rude and petulant. The parents determined a consequence/course of action that they thought would be appropriate. You overstepped deciding that they shouldn’t have denied her the dinner out and did what you judged to be correct, and that wasn’t your call. You could have taken her home, and then another day taken her out to have dinner separately so it wasn’t an immediate reward for her behavior.
You wanted to reward her today, they are parenting her to grow her into a competent adult, which can seem mean in the short run.
Maybe there’s some context that would change this – but this is my gut. And I have definitely been both you and the parents in the situation. She’s lucky lots of people love her!
YTA. Molly sounds like a spoiled, entitled child who expects everyone to cater to her preferences at every turn, and you are encouraging it. Why should Hannah never get yo go to the restaurant she prefers? It sounds like there were options for Molly but she decided to throw a toddler-style tantrum instead and ruin the meal for everyone.
Let me get this straight. Molly usually get to choose the restaurant (steakhouse as per your post), but the only time they decided to try something different to go with Hannah desires and preference, she trew a toddler tantrum and when she was grounded for that you decided to reward her? YTA, you were just asked to bring her home, I suppose they had food at home so Molly will not have starved, just missed the restaurant outing with the family and now because of this she refuse to speak to her sister, mother and grandparents plus acting bad at school asking to be removed from team work with her sister
She is gonna be a spoiled teen have fun in the next few years! You were just asked to bring her home. That was your job as an aunt. You could have listened to her complaints and helped her understand how to appropriately deal with these kind of issues not reward her for throwing a fit and being disrespectful to everybody.