We are a family of five (three small kids) and we just got home from a trip. We all were tired and hungry, the toddler was crying and I began to quickly make some soup (for DH and toddler) toast for my other two kids and a tuna sandwich (for myself). DH put toddler on lap to eat because they were still crying and it calmed them down while I prepared the meal. I asked DH what he wanted and he said soup or tuna. We only had a little tuna left and that’s what I really wanted. I gave my husband a relatively small portion of the soup because I knew the toddler might want more immediately and I could make more for DH. When I finally sat down to eat I placed the sandwich in front of me and DH asked “Is that for me?” I was grumpy and did not like that he was implying I should share or make another so I replied no. Then it broke out into an argument. He told me that the portion of soup I gave him was too small “not enough for a man” which further triggered me. I half jokingly replied “Well I thought you were on a diet” Yes that point I was upset but I then decided to not be so defensive and because it was the right thing to do – I offered him half my sandwich. He didn’t want it because “it didn’t feel from a positive place” etc.. I told him he was talking to me in a disrespectful way and was passive aggressive and that’s why I wasn’t feeling “positive”. He told me I was overreacting. I reiterated again I was upset with the way he went about asking for more food but that I genuinely did want to share half the sandwich because I realized I was being a little selfish and unreasonable about this. I then did apologize to him. He basically told me it didn’t matter now because the sandwich was tainted and he couldn’t “bring himself to eat it.” I tried to clear the air and apologize again but there’s still a ton of tension there now. So AITA because I selfishly made the sandwich for myself and instead gave my husband a portion of the soup my toddler was eating?
ESH. He should be able to handle getting his own food, but your diet comment feels uncalled for.
“He should be able to handle getting his own food,”c .. he was feeding the baby.
You don’t have to do the DH thing here.
ESH I think. Everyone was tired and hangry. He’s an AH for “not enough for a man” when it sounds like it was not enough for an adult period. You’re an AH for serving him a tiny portion and then taking a potshot at his weight. Order a damn pizza or something.
both of you were tired and hungry, not the best time to argue. it’s just a sandwich, but i get it, small things can seem big when stressed. maybe next time just communicate better before it escalates. hope things chill out soon.
ESH. I’m also assigning you bonus AH points for the obnoxious use of DH
ESH. Your diet comment was completely out of line
ESH. You could easily have told him what was going through your head, but you didn’t. Also, I appreciate that you *really wanted* the tuna, but it sounds like he *really wanted* food. Saying it’s “not enough for a man” is ridiculous, but you admitted you served him a tiny portion, so his complaint over not enough food was justified. You asked him what he wanted, he was dealing with the kids to be out of your way whilst you made food… You could have just said, are you okay with a small soup to put you on? Or if you planned for him to eat something different, say it. “I’ve done you a small soup so there’s enough for the kids, but I thought you could have ____ after…” Is not hard…
You were both “hangry” and being tired didn’t help. Everyone’s an AH when they’re hangry. You’re both going to have to let it go; this is not the hill to die on. ESH
ESH Seems like you all just suck. And you knew you weren’t making enough food for him, did you think to acknowledge it? Offer to make more? Tell him he needs to make more? Why were you being selfish about the sandwich? The two of you need to learn to communicate. But that seemed like some passive aggressive stuff going on for both sides. Why are you being passive-aggressive? Just because something triggers you that doesn’t give you a pass, it’s only a rationalization for why you acted out.
YTA. You made yourself a whole sandwich because you “really wanted it”, and gave him less food than you gave a toddler? What kind of power play is this?
If there truly wasn’t enough food in the house for everyone, one of you should have fed the kids and the other should have gone to the store or picked up takeout. Making food for everyone but your husband and then making fun of his weight is so uncalled for. And yes, I see all the comments saying that he should have made his own food—ok, maybe he should have, but it appears like the deal was that he was in charge of the toddler while she made lunch for all, and then she gave him a few tablespoons of soup. That’s just mean.
ESH you should have each had half a sandwich to calm the hangries and then made more food later on.
ESH Both of you were tired and cranky so went about talking to each other the wrong way. However, you were not wrong for keeping the tuna for yourself. He gave you an and/or answer and also- chef’s privilege. You made the food, you get to keep the tuna if you want.
I mean… you gave yourself an adequate portion for your sandwich and served him a smaller portion of soup than he would need for an adequately filling meal… then got pissy he assumed he’d get a sandwich with the small portion of soup as is normal.
YTA
YTA. You were all tired and hungry. I would have been upset if you gave me less than you gave the toddler too and kept a whole sandwich for yourself.