I (21F) will be moving overseas for work. My dad recently lost his job and hasn’t had much luck with job applications here, but he has also applied for jobs in the country I am moving to and it looks like there’s a fair chance he might land a job there, and my family wants to let my dad and I share an apartment if he gets the job. Obviously, it’d be better financially for my family if I do so. He would also likely only stay in that job for \~5 years, but that is also likely the same amount of time I would stay in my job.
However, I was really looking forward to having some freedom by moving out and being able to do the things I want to do while not having to sneak around my parents. For example, I would like to be able to date women without having to hide it all the time (parents are homophobic and do not want me to interact with or associate with any queer people).
I don’t want to completely alienate my parents though, I just really want to have some more freedom from them. They have however given me a lot of support in my life, so there’s a part of me that feels obligated to let my dad move in with me. Due to how expensive rent is in the country I’m moving to, I think I’d rather just let him move in with me and share the cost for a place for 2 people rather than e.g. have him be in a separate place and then I would pay the difference compared to the cost of sharing.
WIBTA for not letting my dad move in with me when I start my job overseas?
EDIT: for more context my family is Asian
IN FO: Who will be paying for your apartment when you move? You, or still your parents?
Edit after answer: NAH. You’re not an AH for wanting to experience living alone since you are self-supporting, but they also aren’t AHs for suggesting it as a practical way for everyone to save money.
I will be. If my dad moves in with me, then we’d split it
NAH, then. You’re not an AH for wanting to experience living alone as long as you are self-supporting, but they also aren’t AHs for suggesting it as a practical way for everyone to save money.
Oh, that’s a tough one.
Could you actually have a grown up conversation and say “I’m an adult now, you can live with me, but I do me”?
They’ve already said that my dad wouldn’t bug me much if he does move with me, and it has been mostly my mum who has been constantly on my back about me going out with friends etc. The selfish part is that I also just really want to live alone
5 years is a long time.. set the boundary early and then he either won’t move with you and will stay in the current country/or still move but figure something out. Ofc I’m sure you’re grateful for everything they’ve done for you, but sometimes relationships are better with some space, especially as you grow and want to have more intimate relationships. If the extra money is worth the privacy and freedom, I don’t see the issues it’s coming out of your pockets! Good luck on whatever you choose though
NTA. The subject heading is all anybody needs to give an answer. You have your own life to live. Maybe all those family members who think he should go should consider helping him pay rent. Your paying a share of his rent would be beyond generous. The homophobia just shifts things even more to your side.
Can’t you do a few months together and then split up. Like say 6 months to get in your feet, make sure you’re both financially sound and then move.
Like be neighbours?
Rental leases are usually 1 year minimum in this country, so it is quite a big commitment when renting a place. It would be possible to stay in a hotel or serviced apartment temporarily but I would much prefer to find a rental as soon as possible to settle in properly. My job will pay well so I am pretty sure I would be financially sound as well.
Neighbours would be fine
Well would you get a two bedroom and “lease” it to your dad for 2 months and then use it as your guest room?
Not sure which country you’re in but in my home country of the UK it’s quite expensive to just have a guest room sitting there (especially london, goodness).
But here where I am at the moment in Johannesburg South Africa – everyone pretty much has spare rooms. The property is really affordable.
So just thinking maybe that’s a solution.
And also “book” a friend to come stay with you for a weeke or so the week after your dads supposed to leave as then there is a definite stop.
The place I’m moving to has even more expensive rental prices than London… so not too willing to leave a guest room sitting there
Ok well then say no ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
NTA at all. And remember, “no” is a complete sentence.