Am I an as***** for not wanting my SIL and her son to spend Christmas with me and my wife on our baby’s first Christmas? Every time she comes she stays for about a week or two, she doesn’t clean up after herself and makes me watch her kid when she’s here (he’s a hip baby) if he’s not held then he will scream, even when I tell her to take her baby she refuses so then I can’t focus on my own son, this year I want to focus him and the family my wife and I have created, Next year is fine but on our baby’s first Christmas I want our attention to be souly on our son, but I still feel bad for not wanting her there.. I feel like an ass, am I?
NAH
Everyone wants to spend the holidays their own way. It’s important you communicate with your partner and see what they want and how they want to spend it and you compromise. There is no right or wrong way as long as you’re both getting what you want and spending it together as a family.
NAH. You get to feel however you want. Y W B T A if you try to impose a unilateral decision rather than coming to a compromise with your wife.
For many people, Christmas is about celebrating with the whole family. If she wants to include her sister and nephew, and you don’t, why not compromise and do Christmas morning with just your nuclear family before allowing the extended family to join in the afternoon?
Focusing on your son how? Like both of you staring at him nonstop for the 10-14 hours he’s awake? He’s a year old, he really cant even do that much yet.
Hes not even going to remember this one. You will, sure, but he won’t.
What does your wife want? Sounds like she’d like to have her sister around. Not sure your desires supersede hers here.
Idk if your TA but you’re not clearly not TA either.
Her son is a hip baby and when she’s here she thinks I’ll hold him all the time to give her a break and I love my nephew but I want to be opening presents with my baby and playing with him, even when I ask her to take her baby she refuses
If your wife wants her sister there, have her talk to her about some of the things that bother you first. This might be a moot point anyway, will he need to be held all the time by the time you see him?
You’re not an AH for *wanting* something, you could be an AH for the actions you take to get it.
I am guessing by SIL you mean your wife’s sister. Does *she* want to see her sister for Christmas? You don’t mention parents or a partner for the SIL—does this mean that if you don’t see her, she and her son will have to spend Christmas alone?
Is there a way you can compromise by seeing your SIL but also having alone time? If you’re within day-trip distance of her this seems pretty easy to accomplish, if one or the other of you would be spending the night perhaps do a shorter visit or have the stay be at a hotel rather than your home? You could maybe do Christmas morning with just your wife and baby but afternoon or Christmas Eve with your SIL?
Also worth considering that while your baby’s first Christmas is special to *you*, he’s too young to know what it’s about, so this is probably the least special Christmas for him. If your wife is the primary caretaker, she may be looking forward to seeing her sister and nephew and *not* having all her attention on the baby since she does that every day.