I live in a mixed middle class area, and a few streets over is lower income. The kids from that neighborhood will often come to my neighborhood and ask to do different jobs for cash. I usually find something for them to do.
Recently, a new older kid (14? 15?) has been coming over. It started with asking my husband for a job, and he was told to wash our cars. Hubby lent the kid our car washing stuff, and paid him. No biggie.
The next day, the teen came back and asked if he could borrow our car washing things to get jobs at other peoples houses. My husband declined since we get expensive products, and we don’t lend anything out. The kid started coming by our home DAILY asking for work and my husband had to turn him down each time because we’re not made of money.
I felt bad for the kid, and got him the car washing kit they sell at the store with everything in it. Who doesn’t love an entrepreneur? My husband gave it to the teen the following day, along with an extra $20 and told him to buy more products with the money when those ran out.
Flash forward to this week. The teen showed up with his two younger siblings asking the same thing as before. Can they borrow our car washing things. I turned to the oldest boy and asked what happened to the kit I got him. He was clearly embarrassed and said he knew where the bucket was but he "lost all the other stuff". Using it all is one thing, but not taking care of a small gift is disrespectful.
I told him and the others I had nothing else to give and closed the door. I’ve told my husband to turn them away from now on. AITA?
You’ve been more than generous.
NTA – part of working is being responsible for your work tools. The kid learned that lesson.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to be the financial backer for their odd jobs.
NTA. You tried and they weren’t able to rise to the occasion and that’s not surprising given their upbringing. You are under no circumstances obligated to help them out further. You also got a very clear prediction of what WILL happen if you lend them your washing equipment. I would make sure you have a good home security system in place, unfortunately your home will become the target of theft by these kids. No good deed.
NTA. If the kid was truly grateful for your donation, he wouldn’t have “lost” everything you bought him in a few days. That’s life.
No, but it proves an old saying; no good deed goes unpunished.
NAH
This under-resourced kid is not an AH. The only AH in this situation is the world systems that enable his situation.
I don’t say this to try to convince you to change your actions, but I wouldn’t necessarily take it at face value that the kids lost the car washing kit. You don’t know what his home situation is like. If he has an abusive parent, or two, something like a gift from a neighbor could trigger a rage out, as it could feel like an attack on their parenting. Or it could have been stolen by some bully in the neighborhood, or a drugged out visitor of their parents. We take for granted having some place to securely store our things where they won’t be stolen, and that’s just not the case for many people. Either way, any of those reasons are deeply embarrassing for a kid to share. Most kids would rather hurt themselves before they ratted out their parents failures to a stranger.
You’re not an AH for holding to your boundaries. You can still be kind about it while still being firm. Maybe keep an eye out for other gigs in the neighborhood for him, or recommend him to other families.
Best of luck.
Someone stole/ strong armed it from him to wash cars themselves. That’s how that works.
My immediate thought.
Nta, you tried
“He was clearly embarrassed and said he knew where the bucket was but he “lost all the other stuff”. Using it all is one thing, but not taking care of a small gift is disrespectful.”
You consider maybe his parents took it and sold it?
If the kid is so desperate for money his parents are likely the reason for it.
Maybe try helping the kid a different way.
His parents probably sold the kit
NAH – but you don’t know that he didn’t take care of it. You don’t know his home life.
NTA. This kid is taking your kindness for weakness. I’d stop helping him out because he’s just taking advantage now.