I, 24 female, and my spouse, 28 male, just had our first child together a couple of months ago in September. During my pregnancy, we had talked several times about his parents and that if they wanted to spend time with our son, then they could come and do so at our house while one of us are home. They smoke in their home, and I don’t want our son around that. But the smoking isn’t the biggest issue. His dad bipolar schizophrenia and refuses to take his medication for it or see a doctor. I have been with my SO for 7 years now, and there have been a couple of instances that has scared me, one of them being him holding his wife at gunpoint because he was triggered by something he saw on Facebook. I’m terrified that while they are watching him, he will accidentally hurt our baby. I feel as though I have no support from my SO in this because his argument is that his dad never hurt him or any of his siblings as a child, nor has he hurt his 8 year old son from a previous relationship. AITA for wanting to set this boundary with his parents?
NTA
Absolutely not a chance in hell I’d be leaving my child with him solo. Man held someone at gunpoint. End of discussion.
NTA. Just because he hasn’t before doesn’t mean it can’t happen. People diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia while not taking medication are difficult to navigate as an adult. I know of a couple and keep my distance because one minute they’re fine and the other cursing at someone who isn’t there. I feared for my life once with someone with those disorders, because he saw me as the threat, so my view is biased.
I’m surprised your SO wouldn’t understand. Regardless, your son is defenseless, so it’s best to err on the side of caution. Accidents can happen from neglect too, it doesn’t have to be intentional. Based on my experience they can be neglectful when having an episode.
He sounds dangerous. I think you need to include that he must be medicated in your boundaries. And the smoking? No way. I worry that he won’t listen to your boundaries, so you REALLY need your partner on board. And they need to step up. As for watching him, my boundary – NEVER. NTA
NTA I would not want my child around this man at all let alone being babysat by him
NTA Your concerns are completely reasonable, and I think your partner needs to take some perspective.
NTA
He held his wife at gunpoint (among other things) and actively refuses medication or medical assistance managing his conditions. That isn’t just quirky behaviour or a few one-off oopsies. His potential for unpredictable behaviour poses a serious safety concern for ALL of you, himself included.
Nta. what idiot allows an unmedicated schizophrenic to even have a gun? your main job in life has to be protecting your child. His father could decide one day the baby has a demon in it and set it on fire to kill the demon. It has happened to other babies, do not allow it to happen to yours.
NTA. I would never leave him alone with my kid wife with him or not. Taking his medication makes him a time bomb. Your child needs to be protected. Period.
NTA. That’s not a safe or healthy environment for a child to be in. Your plan of spending time with your in-laws in your home seems more than reasonable.
If you are aware of the risks of leaving your child with them and something does happen, your child could be removed from your custody as CPS could see that as you and your husband failing to be protective parents.
NTA. It is your right and responsibility to keep your baby safe. If you and your husband disagree on something, whoever is making the safest choice wins.
What? Your SO is in major denial if he thinks it’s ok. Sure his Dad never hurt them, but that doesn’t mean he won’t snap one day. SO is conditioned to accept this. Of course NTA.
NTA. He held is wife at gunpoint! Your SO is an arsehole for making you doubt your instinct to protect your child.
NTA. Not only don’t you want your child around that type of behavior, but your SO shouldn’t want that either. Willingly exposing your child to this situation is undefendable.
**This is a hill to die on.**
I’m an adult and I wasn’t comfortable being around my schizophrenic brother when he was unmedicated, there’s NO WAY I’d let my kid be around that solo. I might not even allow it with me there. NTA. Your #1 goal as a parent is to protect your child.