My mom passed away a couple of years ago. Her family from the other side of the country has not been very present in my life since. Once they found out my father passed away they voluntarily came to his funeral and told me they were there to support me. Fast forward two weeks later, they’re asking for his death certificate to claim their air fare. Note that they didn’t have a close relationship with my father. Also, they are all well to do. AITA to be annoyed at this.
They need that because they probably got a special fare to come to a funeral. I can see why you’re hurt but is it really a problem?
That’s exactly what happened. I tried to come home for my grandmother’s funeral, but I needed to get the copy of the death certificate to the airline for the bereavement fare. That’s what it’s called. I wasn’t able to go, since we didn’t have the money up front.
How did you get one in time to attend the funeral? It took me a month to get a certified copy of my minor son’s death certificate. He was already cremated by the time we got it.
NAH. You are NTA for being annoyed bc you are dealing with a loss that comes with a ton of administrative burden and this is just one more thing.
But to be fair, providing this paperwork for flights is routine, and just because someone is well to do, doesn’t mean they can’t or shouldn’t take advantage of an airline’s benefits for these situations—the fact that they were not close to him honestly makes it make more sense that they would want it. Spending more than you have to on airfare to a funeral of a person you weren’t close with gives you every incentive to save costs.
Send a group email/text to whoever’s numbers are easily accessible to you (even if it’s just 1 person) with a photo of the certificate and tell them to forward it to whoever needs it and ignore other requests. If someone presses, you can just say, “so-and-so has a copy you can use” and let them sort themselves out.
I’m sorry for your loss and that you are dealing with the admin of that loss. It’s a lot to manage during an already tough time.
If it helps OP, I was on a work trip when my grandfather passed. It was very important to me to change my return flight to my hometown despite the cost.
While a death certificate was the airline’s first request, I was able to prove my need with an obituary and a form letter from the funeral home regarding my relation. If OP is so averse to helping these relatives, OP can recommend those paths forward.
>AITA to be annoyed at this
You’re not an AH to feel annoyed, but imo YTA if you refuse to send them a copy of the death certificate just because you want to make them pay more money.
That money isn’t coming out of your pocket. Why does it bother you that they want a discount?
YTA. Or at least, be annoyed at the airlines for requiring documentation rather than at the relatives that need it.
That said, a pdf copy is probably sufficient, so scan it and send it to whoever needs it.
Why be annoyed at the airlines? People would certainly make up false claims if some sort of documentation wasn’t required.
(Not that I’m a fan of the airlines – they have plenty of other shortcomings to be sure)
My condolences on your losses. 🫂💜 A certified copy of your father’s death certificate is probably necessary for them to get a discount on the usually ridiculous cost of last minute plane tickets. These days, even “well to do” people are struggling with the out of control, rising costs of everything.
Funerals are not for the dead, but for the living. They may have seen this as an opportunity to reconnect with you and support you, which is why they came. I would take them at face value.
It’s a *difficult* time for *everyone* involved. NAH
They dropped everything and prioritized coming. Family that’s distant can be difficult to maintain close bonds with, but it sounds like they’re trying to be there when the chips are down. It’s frankly churlish to consider not sending them a copy.
YTA – They’re coming to grieve and support you in your grief. It literally costs you nothing to provide evidence of that.
claim it from whom?
You’re never TA for your feelings. You’re only TA if you act on them.
YTA
Last minute airline fares are ridiculously expensive and if people had to pay that much, no one would be able to go to funerals.
So airlines offer a “bereavement fare”, which is still not cheap, but it’s a lot more affordable for some people. But you do have to show a copy of a death certificate so that you can get the lower rate.
And giving people copies of the death certificate (either for airlines or to show to their workplace to get the days off etc) is incredibly common – and nowhere near the big deal that you seem to think it is.
These people took time out of their lives and flew across the country to pay respects to your father and to be there to support you. Whether you have – or want – a relationship with them or not is totally up to you.
But asking for the death certificate honestly has nothing to do with that. And there’s no reason for you to be shitty about it. Again… it’s a very common request when someone attends a funeral.
(And I’m sorry for your loss. Losing parents is fucking hard.)