Last Friday I threw a party at my dorm which lasted from approximately 7:30pm-12:30am. I planned this party for about 4 days and gave out notices to my 3 other roommates \~36 hours in advance (Thursday morning). My other 2 roommates were chill with it, and the 3rd roommate (Anthony and the subject of this post) was ok with it. In fact, he definitely knew I was throwing this party as he asked me to ask my friend to buy alcohol for him.
**Some additional background information:**
Anthony for the past week was sleep deprived, but by choice. Before Friday, he pulled 1 all-nighter, and stayed up until 2am repeated for \~3 nights. Even though he stayed up super late, he had absolutely no reason to — no tests, no exams, no upcoming assignments. He just wanted to watch some Netflix late at night I suppose. On Thursday morning when I gave everyone the notice, he definitely had a choice to make knowing he slept at 3am that morning. Even knowing this, he still chose to stay up very late on Thursday.
Friday afternoon (5 hours before party) Anthony told me that he was going to take melatonin and sleep at 8pm, telling us to keep quiet. I explained that I couldn’t exactly do that, since I had a party planned.
**Why was I inconsiderate?**
On top of just not wanting to deal with Anthony’s last minute BS, there were other reasons:
\- didn’t clean his stinky fridge for 5 days
\- sometimes doesn’t flush the toilet
\- spends an unreasonable amount of time in the toilet (over 45 min in some cases, everyday)
\- tells everyone to keep quiet at super early times bc he wants to sleep, then scrolls in bed past 12am
\- stole my alc
\- took 2 months to pay me back for alc
\- used my PC without asking
\- does everything in his power not to clean up his OWN HAIR in the washroom
\- wanted me to stop drinking milk bc he was convinced I was causing our rooms to stink up (it was his fridge)
\- never closes the front door
**The party:**
It was loud, and we left my room’s door open since it was 8 people crammed in a fairly small space so it got very steamy. Since people were drunk and we were playing cards, it was loud. At 9:30pm, he spam calls me 3x and tells me to keep the noise down. I reply "I’ll see what I can do" but told my friend in another language "the show must go on". The party goes until 11:30pm where he calls me again, and threatened to complain to the dorm admin about my noise levels. After that I decided to tell everyone to quiet since my hand was forced.
**Next day and he’s pissed**
Next morning Anthony tells me "we need to have a chat when you’re free". I didn’t feel like doing it because there was nothing to chat about, so I stalled for the next 2 days. He told my other 2 roommates (who are chill with me and secretly don’t like him) that he’s been pissed at me since Friday.
If Anthony really wanted to talk this badly, then he’d take the initiative instead of waiting for me — because there is NOTHING to discuss about.
YTA.
> Why was I inconsiderate?
So basically, you have a list of grievances to use as a shield when you decide to be inconsiderate?
Frankly, I don’t think you were but YOU think you were and that you think a list of all your gripes somehow matters is very AH to me.
he literally told him he was planning a party , the roomate is the AH bc he was inconsiderate of his roommate, and of the guests in his home just trying to enjoy themselves, also it’s a saturday the next day, i’m assuming he doesn’t have class, may have work, but he definitely could’ve told OP that thy had to wake up early the next day.
Giving your roommates 36 hours notice before having friends over is INSANELY considerate. I would consider 8 friends over on a Friday night to be a regular hang – not even close to a party.
Anthony literally stinks, can’t clean up after himself, stays up all night, and expects you to prioritize his spontaneous desire to sleep at 8pm on a Friday? It would be very difficult for me not to tell him to go fuck himself. He sounds like a delusional child, expecting everyone else to cater to him.
NTA. Not even close.
NTA what is wrong with bro? That was a real FAFO moment, he clearly just ignored that people weren’t going to adjust their plans because he was tired. Party on Garth.
> There is nothing to discuss
Actually, there is. This entire post and everything in it? That is something you should be hashing out with him so that you can see if theres a way for you to cohabitate peacefully, and if there isn’t then maybe you should look into one of you (or both of you) changing rooms.
Your list of grievances with him is not a shield for you to be inconsiderate; he knew, and agreed to, you having a party and he shouldn’t have tried to put the kibosh on that the way he did.
ESH.
ESH.
You’re handling this dispute like a petty child because of a laundry list of grievances you aren’t maturely addressing with Anthony and avoiding. Has it occurred to you and the “good roomies” to approach dorm admin about his failures to clean, his fridge etc? Have you all had a house meeting and addressed it with him? No? Then you don’t get to say, “Well I ignored his calls and dodged his requests to talk because he sucks anyway”
Anthony sounds like a miserable roomie but question: do you know FOR CERTAIN that he “just stayed up for Netflix” and not anything important? Is it possible Anthony has mental health struggles, chronic insomnia, etc that leads to late nights? Is it possible you’re assuming things and that he didn’t just “decided wrong” on Thursday night so screw his need for sleep?
That said, he did sign off on the party Thursday…. but seriously OP, 36 hours is NOT NOTICE. That’s a day. And people can get sick etc no matter how much notice you give. Welcome to the world of dorm life, where it’s NOT YOUR SPACE. You don’t have free reign. Sometimes you have to pivot. What if a “good roomie” came home Friday night and said, “Dude I just found out my grandma is dying, I am miserable and want to sleep”. Would you be like “cool story, playing cards PEACE”?
If Anthony asked your friend to get him alcohol and then was a no show/went to bed, doesn’t that strike you as odd? This whole post feels like you reaching for every straw to weight your argument and I’m wondering if your narration is completely biased here.