Daughter (24f) always upset because I (54m) often forget to empty portafilter on espresso machine. (Which to be fair she bought on her very tight students salary but she lives at home). I’ve always apologized and I try to remember but sometimes I get distracted. I dunno. Anyway I’ve been on a perfect 3 month streak of cleaning it out – but today I got an angry text (that unfortunately I can’t post here) that started with a picture of the portafilter in the machine, which was only there because I had just flushed it. I’ll transcribe the text chain:
Picture of machine with portafilter attached.
Her- You broke the streak:/
Me- Nope
It’s flushing
Or was flushing
Nice try though
Her – Why no finish flushing ?
Me – I set it to flush. It takes like 6 minutes
I’m not going to stand there
You’re welcome for doing it
Her- You have to press it again so it’s not done
Me – OK so press it
Her – This is when I get angry (in response to the ‘You’re welcome for doing it’ comment)
Me- I set it up and put the tab in
Her – Omg you use the machine it’s bare minimum for you to clean it
Me – I did
Her – Don’t start something and not finish it and then you ask for thanks
Me – Only because you yelled at me for doing 99% of the job
Me- Because just finish it??? And it’s not even 99% there are multiple rounds left
Sooooo, AITA?
YTA It’s not that difficult to finish the job. If you can’t remember something for 6 minutes, set an alarm on your phone to remind you. If this is a chronic memory issue, seek professional help.
YTA you didn’t finish cleaning it.
Sounds like she’s sick of you not doing it and damaging a machine she paid for.
Clean it or stop using it.
Yes, obviously YTA. Get your own coffee machine if you’re not going to clean up after yourself on the one she bought and do it fully. If you have time to make yourself an espresso, you have time to set a 6-minute timer and come back to get your portafilter cleaned up once it’s done flushing.
YTA. Don’t use her ish. This is effing rude of you
> It takes like 6 minutes I’m not going to stand there You’re welcome for doing it
Like, eff off. Leave her ish alone. She is not welcomed by you being this rude. She was very very right to be angry.
> Her – Omg you use the machine it’s bare minimum for you to clean
#Bare. Minimum.
YTA. It’s her machine. If you’re going to use it, the least you can do is clean up after yourself (and yes, that means completing the cleaning process) as asked.
You didn’t clean it. If it’s not finished cleaning, it’s not clean. All arguments regarding who pays rent and utilities are extraneous. If her stay is contingent on you being able to use her shit and mess it up, then that needs to be made clear
Honestly I was leaning towards ESH since you forgot after 3 months, but the ‘You’re welcome’ for an unfinished job tipped it solid towards YTA territory. How would you like it if she did 99% of the trash throwing and just left the bag next to the trashcan?
YTA. It’s her machine. It sounds like you use it first or frequently leave it in a state where it’s not ready for her to use when wanted, but she leaves it for you to use “ready to go”. Doing part of the cleaning and “forgetting” to finish and wanting a reward cookie is not okay. It’s still not done. Multiple rounds take time where she cannot use the machine she bought and her living at home is irrelevant. Holding that over her head as an excuse to use her belongings and not tidy them is not okay. If you cannot clean it the way she wants you to, STOP USING IT.
YTA. You’re wrong and you’re the AH.
If you can’t clean the machine, don’t use it. Get yourself some instant coffee.
“You’re welcome for doing it” is a passive aggressive and obnoxious response.
Your 3 months of cleaning it is not an achievement. You’re supposed to do that. Do you keep track of flushing your toilet too??
YTA. It’s hers. If you’re going to use someone else’s stuff, you need to take care of it properly and that means finishing the job. Every. Time. If you can’t do that, then get your own.
>You’re welcome for doing it
YTA
You seriously told someone “you’re welcome” because you attempted to do a basic task on *their* machine which *you* use?
YTA. This is the literal definition of weaponized incompetence. You can’t do it correctly so you tell her to finish your job and to say thank you for half-assing it.
YTA, for multiple reasons, but the most blatant one to me is that you talk to your daughter like shit. The pure contempt you have for her is glaring in those texts.
As the daughter in question… was I actually mad before you asked for thanks? Or did you just think I was? Sometimes you can just ask someone to do something without it being angry. Something to think about 🤔
YTA.
You see, doing it every time, even when it’s tedious, is how chores work.
Clean the damn thing, and finish the job every single time. And don’t expect gratitude and/or applause for basic tasks like cleaning up after yourself. You’re not a toddler or a puppy in training.