i gave birth 1.5 weeks ago and my in-laws are currently staying with us for 2 weeks in our guest bedroom. i’m very tired, very hormonal, and already struggling with their presence here so i worried i overreacted.
context: i spent my last month of pregnancy labeling, packaging and freezing a bunch of meals to hold me over when i’m alone postpartum and my husband is working. i’m trying to lose weight postpartum and the labels on a lot of these meals are very meticulous with calorie counts for individual servings sizes, so it’s clear they’re meant for 1 serving.
my husband is currently working on and off, so it was just me and the in-laws in the house yesterday. i came downstairs yesterday after nursing my newborn and saw my in-laws reheating a large frozen sheet of lasagna. there were tinfoil dividers in the lasagna that separated it into individual portions that they had removed. i asked them what they were doing and they said “we’re just getting dinner, we didn’t know when you’d be down”. they reheated the entire tray that was meant to be at least 6 meals, so now we have to use it.
i broke down crying and said that these meals are for when i’m alone, not for adults who can prepare their own food. i started going off on them and said they should be hear to help, not breaking into my freezer stash of food and either need to start cooking and cleanjng or get out (they’ve mostly been “helping” by holding the baby), and that they’ve ruined meals i worked hard to provide for myself.
they got quiet and didn’t say anything. i went back upstairs and texted my husband, when he came home an hour later and talked with them. he said they’re upset because they felt like they were helping and it wasn’t clear the food wasn’t meant for them.
tldr: in-laws are labeled freezer meals while in my home postpartum, i yelled and cried at them and asked them to leave.
NTA
Why are they there? It seems like they are causing more stress instead of helping.
Their role here should be to cook YOU meals. It’s kind of universal that visiting loved ones try and take the burden off a new mom. NTA. And two weeks Is too long a visit, unless you specifically requested it. Crap social skills, your in-laws.
The in-laws are not there to help. They are on vacation and expect to be fed if not actually catered to. Your husband needs to step up and tell them to go home as you are in no condition to take care of two lazy grown adults.
If he can’t do that, then you not only have a lazy in law problem, you have a spineless husband problem. I’m sorry you are in this predicament. I hope I’m wrong about your husband and that he steps up and prioritizes your health and well-being above the comfort of his vacationing parents.
NTA but if they’re taking from you rather than giving they need to GTFO.
My MIL stayed for 2 weeks after I had my daughter and initially I was uncomfortable with it (I’m very private). But she did laundry and brought me food before I even realized I was hungry. She was amazing and so helpful. Barely held the baby because she didn’t want to overstep. I had to keep offering lol.
You deserve help and care and respect.
You nailed it. If you are family and visiting, you need to be contributing to the freezer stash for new momma, not depleting it. It’s not rocket science. Clearly momma needs healthy, nutritious meals that have calorie counts. Do the freaking research, prepare meals for momma to eat, and stock the freezer. If they raised kids, they should be competent to take care of a postpartum mother.
NTA for getting angry.
moving on – 1.5 weeks pp is not the time to be stressing about losing weight. caring for a newborn is hard work, and your body needs fuel to do that. be gentle with yourself.
This!! I scrolled through the comments and was more surprise I didn’t see this for a while. OP that is definitely one stress that you don’t need right now. Be kind to your body, there will be time to deal with the weight loss once you’re further along in your PP journey. NTA for the yelling, but definitely sit down with them (or have the husband do it if that’s not comfortable for you) and explain what would be the most helpful while they’re here. Best of luck to you!
Nursing burns SO many calories. OP, please put weight loss temporarily on the back burner.
I’m seconding, as someone who gave birth and had to take a bunch of nutrition classes in college (albeit for animals, but humans were covered as an animal so we could compare and know our own bodies better.)
Assuming only formula fed, you’re body is healing a huge wound in the uterus, shifting organs, and doing a rehaul of the hormone system (you don’t go back to pre pregnancy, you’re a whole new beast internally now, from skin to organs to brain,) while also being tired because our new potatoes have to learn *how* to sleep. You need food to fuel all of these systems, and fueling your healing should be waaaaay prioritized over being the “correct” size. If we add in breastfeeding, that caloric requirement is going to sky rocket even more, as well as your water intake. You need the nutrients for your baby to grow and be healthy to be in the milk, and the way you have those available is by consuming them.
Add on top of all of that, you can lose a ton of weight and still have the post pregnancy pouch for at least a few months as you are literally rearranging your organs to fit back in the giant space that used to be filled by your uterus, which the uterus will be shrinking for a little bit as well. It took 9 months for it to stretch to full size, it needs more than a few days or weeks to shrink back down to the size of your fist! Then there’s the water weight from the body slowly lowering your blood supply (you have 50% blood during pregnancy, it’s gotta go back down after birth) because your kidneys can only filter and empty so quickly (and hormones balancing, but honestly they have a hand in 90% of post pregnancy things.)
Your body is doing intense and amazing things to heal right now, as it heals from that amazing thing of making a brand new human life! Focus on being thankful to your body for helping make this little creation and allow it space and time to heal back. Don’t restrict calories and essentially punish your body and yourself for looking like you’ve given birth.
NTA. “We didn’t know you would be down” um excuse me lol So they went into your freezer and took a whole tray of lasagna out to eat by themselves?! They weren’t even concerned enough about how you were doing and feeling to at least come up and ASK you about the food and to see if YOU were hungry? Holy. Shit. Yeah, you are NTA.
It sounded like they expected her to come down and cook which makes this situation even worse. I hope her husband has her back.
NTA
First of all, congratulations!
NTA – like wtf, labeled food in a freezer, you don’t touch that without asking.
However, one thing – please please talk to your doctor regarding your diet. Recovering from pregnancy can be nasty on your body, I’d leave off the weight-loss plans until after you have recovered. Not eating enough can make your mental health go nuts.
Husband. Needs. To. Make. Them. Leave. NOW.
Or.. Husband needs to make them help