I met my guy bestfriend online 2 years ago, and we’ve been thick as thieves since. With our friend group getting bigger throughout the years we were still close even if there are a bunch of more people in our group. 10 months ago, he met his now current girlfriend. They broke up a total of 2 times since then, and both of those times were because of her. Her first reason was she’d rather focus on herself and her friends, their second break up was because she was starting to manipulate him.
I was getting concerned by their dynamic so when he got back tgt with her for the 3rd time, I was in disbelief. Now she is doing the same thing againto him but even worse this time because if he even tries to talk to her about things they should fix, she gaslights him with her yelling and with her crying so he’ll stop. Me and our other bestfriend has been trying to tell him to end it for real this time and he still won’t listen even if she’s starting to really make him question if he was in the wrong. AITA?
EDIT: I forgot to put that I also used to be friends with said girlfriend and was in the middle of her yelling and swearing at him for wanting to talk to her or she would just ignore him until he leaves. And she has also rather be with other guys than her own boyfriend and would constantly ignore him for other guys saying "She promised them.." even if she really didn’t and just didn’t want to spend time with my friend.
NTA, you’re looking out for your friend. And given the situation, it’s coming from a place of concern, I would probably do the same. However, you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. All you can do, if you choose to, is be there for your friend. It sounds like he’s in a tough spot most likely since he’s too close to the situation to see the bigger picture.
EDIT: If you say it over and over again, I would be prepared for the possibility that he distances himself from you, I’ve seen that happen quite a lot unfortunately. I hope it works out for you and your friend OP.
Based on what you said you’re obviously nta but you’re probably wasting you’re effort, In my experience you gotta let him figure it out for himself because the more you push the more he’ll get drawn to her and become isolated. Just be there for him when it goes up shit creek and you’ll be good
Yes YTA for telling anyone to do anything inside their own relationship. NTA for caring. Lend an ear. Tell your friend how you see things from an outside perspective. That’s all you can (and should) do. If they end up working out and you’ve been telling him to end it and that she is terrible for him, you’re the one who’s going to be cast aside. Also keep in mind you’re probably only getting facts from one side.
yeah but they wont work out. If your friend is in a shit relationship telling them to get out of it is a normal thing to do. especially if abuse is happening. Yes, emotional abuse is still abuse.
You’re not an asshole, but if there’s one thing I have learned, it is not to get involved in the personal lives of friends. It can’t possibly help, and they’re going to do what they want to do. Let them be, try to ride it out, and you are there for them when it ends.
Asshole? No. Wise? Probably not.
Sometimes people have to learn from their own mistakes
third times the charm?
NTA but realize he might pay more attention to his gf than to you. Don’t “help” him more than he wants.
Of course NTA- the concern sounds valid and coming from a genuine place of caring for your mate. If he’s just brushing it off and your relationship is ok through your advice on the breakup, then just keep doing what you’re doing. It sounds like he’s being emotionally abused/manipulated so I think it’s good to keep voicing that, but also don’t drive yourself crazy…At the end of the day it’s his decision and life. Best you can do is to not encourge the relationship, and be there for him as it hopefully runs it’s course… pray he doesn’t knock her up.
NTA
But if he’s getting laid, he probably won’t listen to anyone until something drastic happens in their relationship.
Ya’ll are obvs young so don’t read too much into their relationship. Guys are gonna chase their hormones, and unfortunately your bff doesn’t value himself enough to walk away from clear toxicity.
Just be there for him when he needs it, obvs try to remind him he deserves better, and when (not if) you get sick of talking about her, just change the subject whenever he brings her up to complain or whatever, and just remind him again that he deserves better and it hurts you to watch him keep getting hurt.
You cannot control him, you cannot stop it from happening, so try not to get personally invested and keep yourself out of it while still supporting him for everything else that made him your friend.
NTA, but you may be wasting your breath. I’ve been the guy in the toxic relationship before. Many people pointed out what should have been very obvious red flags to me, but I just wouldn’t/couldn’t hear it. I had to figure it out for myself, which I eventually did. Unfortunately that’s just the way it goes with these kind of relationships. I’d advise you to not press the issue with him and just be there for him, be a listening ear and a reliable friend. Whatever you do, don’t say “i told you so”. He’ll either figure out the relationship is no good and leave, or he’ll just keep letting her walk all over him. Either way, you telling him what to do won’t help unless he specifically comes to you and ask you what he should do.