I’m a stay at home mom, buying a property with my in-laws that is over our budget, not in the area I’d prefer to live, needs work, smaller than my current home, less land than I want for off-grid living purposes. We would have to commit to this forever, but we would get to have grandparents around, eventually pass down the land, have a pool, treehouse for the kids, and a mini farm. We would be paying my in laws our part of the mortgage. My husband and father in-law love the property. However, I think my mother in-law might also be in the same boat as me for other reasons. If any of us aren’t sure about the property, we won’t move forward. Would I be the asshole if I said no? Am I being to critical?
Don’t sign up to a property unless you’re 100% sure, even if it was in the budget if you have any doubts its just not worth the risk. NTA
NTA and never buy with other family members. I see the messy side all the time.
Be selfish, protect yourself and your family and buy within your own budget.
How is this a ‘dream opportunity’? I don’t see where you would truly benefit from this purchase. Wait a bit longer and find something you actually like.
I think the dream is a nightmare.
The sensible part of your brain is telling you “don’t do this”
NTA You listed five reasons why you don’t want to do this. Share the reasons with your husband an say no.
This is your “dream”?
> over our budget
>not in the area I’d prefer to live
>needs work
>smaller than my current home,
>less land than I want for off-grid living purposes.
>We would have to commit to this forever
NTA
Do you have any prior experience living off the grid? Have you raised farm animals before? Do you have farming experience?
If the land isn’t sufficient for your needs, do you have a backup plan to get what you need? Do you have plans in place for natural disasters? What happens if the farm fails?
A forever commitment is a big deal. Are you confident that you can afford to make this work? Are you confident you have the knowledge to make this work?
If the mortgage is above budget, what happens if you have an unexpected expense? Can you afford to take a sick kid to the hospital?
I always thought when I bought my first house I would love it from the start. That was not the case. However it had the bones to give me what I wanted. After about six months of work, it became my dream home. The concerning parts from your post is over budget. Even if paying in laws. What if something happens to them? And smaller than you prefer. Space is wonderful! Especially with kids and you are committed to forever?! Ugh. I lived in a 700 sq apt for two years with husband and two dogs. By the end I was going to lose my mind if we didn’t find our next house soon! Be honest and talk through your points. Involved MIL to speak up too.
Would your names be on the deed? That’s an important detail since you’ll be paying part of the mortgage.
Even if it is, you’ve listed numerous reasons this isn’t a good deal – it’s over budget PLUS needs work – that won’t be cheap. And you don’t want to live in the area. NTA for turning it down.
Is your name and your husband’s name going to be on this property? If not don’t even consider it. You said you’d be paying your part of the mortgage to the in-laws, that is red flag.
NTA you would be a total A to yourself for agreeing to this. You don’t want it for multiple reasons that are deal breakers on their own. Why would you commit to it – FOREVER?! Say NO!!
So you’re buying a house that is run down too big where you don’t like and don’t have the money for. Just say no. That’s decades of being unhappy to have the grandparents near you. So you wouldn’t even fully own the house. Just tell your husband how unhappy you would be there and chose something you can afford.