My boyfriend and I were invited to a Christmas celebration with a couple of his work friends and their spouses. I like them and get along with them fine, but I’m feeling frustrated about how the plans were handled and wondering if I’m overreacting.
Originally, we were all supposed to go out for dinner at a restaurant for $20 per person, adults only, which I was really looking forward to. I wanted a night out, to get dressed up, walk around the city, and enjoy a festive dinner. There are two other couples and a few extra people attending.
After everyone agreed in the group chat to go out, the couple who suggested it suddenly changed it to being at their house and said it would be $15 per person with their cashapp info. It’s also no longer adults only, and their kids are now included. I know it’s cheaper to go to their place, but I was really hoping for a night out. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. It seems like every outing ends up at their house and people are expected to pay. I didn’t grow up with much, so I promise I’m not being a snob, I’m just not used to this. Normally, I’d contribute a few dishes/ some drinks, but paying on top of that feels kind of weird.
There have been a few awkward experiences in the past. One evening we went to their house for dinner. The food was cold and the portions were tiny. I told my boyfriend when we got home that the steak was gray and tasted weird, he agreed. One of the hosts actually messaged afterwards on their own accord to apologize and said the steak had been old. On the same night, we were asked to bring drinks, and we went to two different stores to get exactly what they wanted, but they didn’t drink them. In the summer, they had a cookout and again asked people to pay $20 each and bring their own drinks. I didn’t go, but my boyfriend went and brought me a plate back and it was really bad.
I just wanted the dinner to be a night out, somewhere festive, with good food and a nice atmosphere. My boyfriend thinks I’m being a diva and says $15 isn’t much, but I’m annoyed that the plan was changed after everyone had agreed. I do understand things now are expensive too.
I feel bad for feeling this way and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable. AITA for saying I’d rather skip it if it’s at their house?
NTA, they completely changed the plans you were excited about. I am also from a blue collar background but would never and have never charged anyone to eat dinner at my house (and I can actually cook, which it sounds like these folks cannot).
NTA. When you invite people to your home you do not request money via an app ever. Bring a side dish, dessert, or drink but to request cashapp is insane. It’s more insane that your boyfriend thinks this is ok and somehow believes this is diva behavior. I would never do a single thing with these people.
NTA, their house sounds like a nightmare and I wouldn’t want to go either. Your bf sucks for name calling you over *checks notes* not wanting to pay for off meat.
There’s an argument for sucking it up if skipping it could have consequences for him at work, but you’re still not an AH nor a diva. If you have to go, fill up first lol.
Thank them for the invite. Tell them your desire was “a night on town” and that you and your partner will be doing that.
I’d just tell them that BF and I will be sticking with the original plan, and if anyone else does, we’ll see you there.
NTA. This is bizarre. Why are they charging you $15 per person if it’s home-cooked food? I find it highly unlikely that it’s costing them $15 per person to serve you just food with y’all bringing your own drinks, it seems like these people are profiting off of you and your other coworkers which is really weird. Why did they get to unilaterally decide to switch the plans that everyone had already agreed to? Could you just suggest that you’d like to stick with the original plan of going out because you wanted a night out and see if others agree?
I must be old. When did charging people to eat at your house become a thing?
Honestly, I wouldn’t want to go. First, it appears that they cannot cook very well. Second, it’s hard to relax and have adult conversations with children around. Third, they keep changing plans, forcing everyone to go to their house. I would suggest to your boyfriend about skipping the dinner and going out by yourselves. You can find a less expensive place to eat, but you’ll get the chance to dress up a bit and walk around.
It didnt become a thing. Its still considered tacky. These friends are cheap and tacky.
NTA. Charging someone to eat at your house when they invite people over is wild.
I’m not venmo-ing anyone to eat at their house. Ever. Sorry.
NTA
Seriously this is just so weird to me. When you host a dinner… you provide the dinner. I get a little BYOB, but this is just so strange. Have people always done this?
I have never. Pot luck is totally different than basically running a restaurant grift on your friends.
Especially when the food is shit.
You’re NTA and it sounds like they’re insisting upon hosting so they can save on paying for a baby-sitter and charge their friends for eating something they dredged out of their freezer.