So… I live on the coast, and my mom REALLY loves the beach, and she loves having me and my sister around. Though I don’t find the place as pleasant, because…
First, the beach is quite far. It’s a 1,4km walk, which is 20 minutes to go and 20 to return, usually in a scalding sun, carrying beach chairs, bags and balls, specially considering they walk slowly. It’s even worse in the way back, because then you’re soaked, shivering and with sand clinging to every inch of your body.
Second, there’s a really bad jellyfish infestation, so you can’t swim in that water without being burned at least thrice; it sucks, and I can’t really stand it like mom and sis do. And you can’t even stay on the sand, because mom doesn’t buy sunscreen and the sunburns get pretty unpleasant after a while.
Third, it’s a little boring to me. Mom likes going there and staying for the whole noon, but… I just can’t quite understand why you would spend that much time there. After doing everything there’s to do in 2 hours or maybe 3, I just have to wait in boredom until we can finally go home.
Fourth… I have wayy more fun at home. It’s way funnier to stay here and chill under the fan, draw, craft and listen to music while they’re out. It’s a really cool time where I can chill with my cats, have all beds and couches to myself and take the longest, most refreshing baths while I wait for then to come back. :3
So, overall, I just think it’s not worth it…? Why spend all that time walking to go to a place I don’t really enjoy, specially when I have more fun here at home? Though mom gets really sad when I say no. She says she likes having me around, and I like having her around too! Though I just think beach days are boring. 🙁 she says I’m losing all that bonding time and that, because of that, she’s getting closer to my sis than to me. It’s not my fault though??? Mom and sis are so similar, and I’m pretty much a black sheep, so of course that kind of bonding isn’t pleasant to me. Though sis makes me feel like a lazy, selfish bun anyway.
So… Am I the asshole for not going to the beach with them?
A lot of these are solvable problems. 1.4km is not far. Buy your own sunscreen. Just bring a towel so you don’t need to carry a chair. You don’t need to bring balls (?) Wait til you’re dryer to walk back. Btw you can draw and listen to music at the beach. I think you should compromise and go some but not all of the time. NAH.
A small wagon could carry everything you need for the beach and be a lot easier than carrying everything.
Or you can read a book. At the beginning of every summer, there are articles on “Beach Read Novels” for the summer.
If you have a smart phone, consider taking some photos or videos.
I’ll go with her
First off, your mom is TA for not buying sunscreen. Skin cancer is very common and sunburns substantially increase your risk.
That being said, it’s not wrong for your mom to want to spend time with you/her family at the beach. Would you be able to compromise? Maybe go some days and not others, if it’s possible you could leave early (not sure if you could walk home alone), maybe take less stuff so the walk is less intense, maybe get a wagon/small hand cart to carry stuff a little easier.
Nta I don’t think your an asshole why does it always have to be the beach? Why can’t mum find something for you to do together? She could take this time to bond with your sister and find something you both like to do and do that together? People are saying compromise but mum could compromise too!
I’m like you. I’m not a huge fan of the heat and getting sandy. If I can’t swim without being stung, going to the beach is something I only want to do occasionally.
As someone mentioned, there are solutions to some of your complaints. Get some sunscreen, carry a towel instead of a chair, bring baby powder to get the sand off. But if your real issue is just not enjoying that environment for long periods, consider going for a shorter time or less frequently.
I’ll say NTA because your mom should be providing sunscreen for you and your sister. Also, her trying to guilt you into going by emphasizing her relationship with your sister is lousy.
Imo your are NTA. Mom claims she wants to spend quality time but she’s acting like the only place on the planet to do so is the beach. Maybe you can brainstorm some other activities you can do as a group to bond. If she gives push backs to those other places then she’s just being controlling, making her the AH.
NTA – if you are getting burned because of your mothers selfishness…..
I’d just stay home and she can carry her own crap
Bring a good book, a nice lunch, sunglasses and ear pods, enjoy the day and get some good vitamin D.
NTA and every sunburn under the age of 18 increases your risk of melanoma later in life. Your mother should not have y’all out there without adequate sun protection.
The Australians have entered the chat. We know melanoma like it’s our bestie.
NAH.
You’re entitled to feel bored and she’s entitled to feel sad.
Just a thought to consider that your mom has probably done and will continue to do a bunch of things that she finds boring because she loves you. It probably wouldn’t kill you to go once and awhile because it brings her joy. But you definitely shouldn’t go every time because you don’t enjoy it!
People telling her to go with mom once in a while are forgetting that the mom is completely out of her mind by not providing SUNSCREEN for her children.
That makes you completely NTA.
I cannot for the life of me get on the side of someone willing to make her children prone to skin cancer over some bs bonding time concept on a beach that sounds like hell.
The guilting is nuts. At the beach, my mother would not let me go one hour without making sure I was whitish/blueish from all the sunscreen and that was >20years ago.
With everything we know about the sun now, seriously…
>she says I’m losing all that bonding time and that, because of that, she’s getting closer to my sis than to me.
Your mom is TAH for this. She’s setting up some kind of comparison or competition between you and your sister. That’s not healthy parenting. All kids are different, and part of the role of a parent is finding a way to connect with each child and make them feel special. Your mom should be enjoying beach time with your sister and then finding a different activity to bond with you over.
You should have sunscreen. And maybe also sun protective clothing and beach umbrellas.
How old are you? From your writing style, I’m guessing you’re a teenager? Maybe a reasonable compromise would be for you to go to the beach for a couple of hours, and then go home and do your own thing and let them stay at the beach for as long as they want.