My dad passed away five years ago. Since then my stepmom has kept all of his things and has never wanted to give me or my sisters anything of his. We’ve tried asking for sentimental items in the past and she always said no. One of the sentimental items is my dad’s old guitar.
In the past five years no one has asked for the guitar.
Honestly I thought it was a long shot that anyone would ever get anything from her. None of us have a good relationship with the stepmom. We’re pretty much no contact at this point.
Fast forward to recently. My husband wanted to surprise me for Christmas by asking my stepmom if he could have my dad’s old guitar. He was nervous about doing it without my approval so he asked me first. I said yes because I thought it was a sweet idea and honestly I would love to have something of my dad’s. I also didn’t think she would even respond to him let alone agree to give him the guitar.
Well she did respond and she actually gave him the guitar. I was shocked and really happy. After that we told my sisters what happened. They were both really upset and said we should have asked for their permission first and that it should have been a family discussion.
From my perspective it’s one guitar and three daughters who would all want it. There’s no way we’d reach a consensus unless the decision was no one gets it. I didn’t think asking them first would change that reality and honestly I didn’t think the guitar was even an option.
So AITA for letting my husband go ahead and ask for the guitar without talking to my sisters first?
For context I’m the only daughter who still lives in the same state as my stepmom. My two sisters live out of state.
NTA – No one wanted the guitar for years until you got it. If your siblings had expressed any interest in the past, then I would say that you should have discussed it with them, but it sounds like that’s not the case here. Are there other sentimental items your siblings could have instead? Surely this one guitar isn’t the only item. Perhaps you could try to keep the peace by suggesting other sentimental items for your siblings to take.
NTA. There was no theft. I hope it’s a sign the step mom is thawing some.
NTA – Sounds like stepmom has something against you and your sisters, but not your husband. Unless your father’s will says you all can’t have anything, stepmom is keeping you guys from having anything. Try getting your husband or your sisters’ spouses to talk to your stepmom to give up some stuff.
NTA. Tell your sisters to come over for a bonfire and you can all burn the guitar together if it would make them feel better. They are being selfish and childish, much like the stepmom. Your husband is a sweetheart. You should keep him. 😉
NTA. It’s been five years, and no one wanted it until you did.
NTA. Your stepmom has refused to give anyone anything of your dad’s for five years, so it was totally reasonable to assume the guitar was never going to be available. You did not steal it out from under your sisters. You were just the one who was asked first and who actually had the chance to get something sentimental when no one else expected that to happen at all. There is no world where three daughters all get the same single guitar. Someone was always going to end up with it or none of you would. Your sisters are reacting emotionally because the loss still hurts, but that does not mean you did anything wrong. You did not scheme behind their backs. You said yes to a thoughtful gesture from your husband and it worked out in a way no one predicted.
NTA. You took a chance and it worked. Your sisters are having an odd reaction to that. I would have thought they’d be excited at the thought that maybe SM is thawing out some. They could ask for something themselves now she’s maybe in a mood to give. If they ask and she refuses then it might be nice if you shared the guitar.
NTA.
Absolutely not! It’s not as if you ‘stole’ the guitar a few days or weeks after his passing. You deserve to have it. Your husband had the courage to go get it and ask for it. Now, I can understand that it’s a sensitive subject for your sisters, but I think they can also take the initiative to go see your mother-in-law and ask her for something if they feel the need.
They’re mad you have anything of his and they don’t. Understandable but not your fault. NTA
NTA and your sisters are nuts. Their permission to ask for the guitar? “family discussion” about what?
Your husband got very lucky and now he has the guitar. Maybe your sisters have to ask their partners to ask stepmom for something they want from your dad? It seems it works this way
NTA. You don’t need a family consensus for one sentimental item, but there’s a lot of anger here. Try reaching out to your sisters to make an agreement going forward.
NTA, your sisters are blaming you for a situation your stepmother created.
NTA
You snooze, you lose.
They had five years to ask for it or suggest an arrangement but they didn’t. Its not like the guitar has been sold and is no longer in the family.