A girl that I had a summer fling with two years ago just messaged me after over a year of no contact. At the time we were seeing each other she caught feelings and I wasn’t ready for a relationship so I ended it. However, I’ve always carried this ‘what if’ feeling and I haven’t met anyone since that I’ve had a similar chemistry with. She moved away from our city after we ended things which killed any chance of a possible reconciliation. I thought about her a lot in the 18 months since but I wanted to respect her feelings by not reaching out since I know I caused her pain by not giving the relationship a shot.
Fast forward to now and she messaged me out of the blue on Instagram and started following me (we never followed each other before). She shared a song with me that she thought I would like with an innocuous ‘hope you’re well, miss ya xx’. I see from her Instagram that she has a boyfriend that she’s been dating for over a year with recent captions of ‘I love you’. She’s a very warm and friendly person and we shared some nice time together so it wouldn’t surprise me that she just wanted to share something with me in a friendly way.. but we haven’t spoken in so long or maintained a friendship so you can imagine why I would be a bit confused. Especially since I know she had pretty strong feelings for me back in the day. We ended up chatting for a bit and she didn’t mention having a boyfriend but she also didn’t mention wanting to see me or anything like that.
I’m just curious if anyone has been in a similar situation and if there’s anything I can do other than just wait to see if she messages me again. I’ve definitely moved on with my life but if the stars aligned (if she was single and open to it) I would like to try again.
“.She shared a song with me that she thought I would like with an innocuous ‘hope you’re well, miss ya xx’. I see from her Instagram that she has a boyfriend that she’s been dating for over a year with recent captions of ‘I love you’.”
Dude stay away, this is shady red flag shit and you don’t want to be the homewrecker guy….
……..think about it? Would you really want to date her and be able to trust her if she is really reaching out to you while saying I love you to some other poor sap?
I know what you mean and I had the same thought. It’s a fine line though because I don’t think her messaging me makes her untrustworthy. Now if she started making more concrete plans to meet up without being upfront about her having a boyfriend that would be a different story. I’m just not sure what her angle was to reach out in the first place.
You’re 32 years old, you’re allowed to just tell her how you feel.
Ask her. Seriously. I saw online that you are in a relationship. See how she answers. Whatever you do, don’t hook up if she is still in that relationship which she clearly is. Or. Saw online that you’re in love and I’m happy for you. I’m friends with ex fwb. Be really careful. My line is always that if the man is in a relationship, we don’t talk unless his wife/partner is aware that we are friends and no meeting up without that partner. This has applied to friends or exes that have gotten in touch after years. And. If anything inappropriate is said, I’m out. Be cautious.
Yeah, I thought about asking her directly. I’m just not sure what good it would do since she clearly is in a relationship for the time being. I can’t see her giving me a fully straight answer but maybe I’m not giving her enough credit.
Here’s what I have learned. My gut has always been right. A guy I dated for a very short time got in touch because I moved to his area. He is who I put all these boundaries in place for and made them very clear. Yep. We were texting a good amount because he was undergoing chemo. But. Within a few weeks he broke the don’t say anything that you wouldn’t say in front of your wife rule. So. Peace out. Never contact me again. I’ve never been so clear on what was acceptable and what wasn’t before and obviously and sadly it paid off. Some part of me knew. If you think she’s after something shady, quit engaging.
If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.
For sure. I’m not interested in being with cheaters, I’ve been there before unfortunately. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt for the time being though. She hasn’t crossed any lines yet.
Run. You didn’t maintain a friendship. She looking for a hookup or emotional attention. This leads nowhere positive. Save your energy for something that can go somewhere and be meaningful. Also, take comfort in the fact that you dodged a bullet by not still being her boyfriend.