it all went downhill when i met this boy. we started talking a LOT. as much as me and her talked. no, i never put him before her or ignored her to talk to him. i genuinely respected her so. much. yes, me and this boy were talking but it never ever changed anything between me and her. i would still text and call first, ask how her day was, how her classes were, if she needed help or wanted to study together.. anything. nothing changed on my end.
out of nowhere she starts being fucking weird. not talking to me. not looking at me. being super super short with her words. leaving class without waiting for me.
at first i maybe thought she was in a bad mood because of home or something. it didnt yet cross my mind that it was because of him. i would ask her.. every class. "are you okay?", "did i do something wrong, please talk to me" not a damn thing in return. i am not the type of friend that lets bad things sit. whether im the problem or not, i will want to talk to you about it and do my absolute best to fix everything between us.
one day me and said boy are leaving school together because he wanted to walk me home. i saw her sitting down waiting for her grandpa to pick her up. i tell him "hey, wait, i wanna say bye." I call her name and wave to her. she looks at me, blinks like crazy and looks away. looks back, quick wave, looks away again just as fast.
what the fuck. its because im talking to him.
so i ask her friend caleb (hes the only fucking normal one) if she said anything about me. he says yes. he says shes jealous of the boy im talking to. then he tells me she felt replaced. then she told her friends i was ignoring her?? when it was literally the other way around.
then i send jennah a huge paragraph basically saying what the shit first you have me worried sick trying to get through your thick head to understand why you’re upset with me, come to find out you’re butthurt that im talking to someone before you (one time she actually got mad because i "got more guys than her" dude what?)
and you lied to your friends saying i started ignoring you. you’re making me look bad to people that already dont like me. in response to my paragraph, she said some bullshit about how i dont care about her and how i always get distracted and end up replacing her. which she pulled out of her fucking ass because im telling you people right now i loved her so much
I’m just so devastated because how does 15 years go down the drain that easily. i didnt even fucking do anything god forbid i meet other people. but she made me feel like the asshole for a while and i guess im writing this to blow off some steam and pray someones bored enough to actually read all this. im just not over it. how can she just stop all communication with me like this? was 15 years nothing to you? sometimes i wish she’d come up to me randomly. ask me how ive been. maybe a fucking sorry. i dont know.
thanks for reading.
Capitalization is a thing now
So you realize you just wrote a whole story that makes it seem like you started cheating on your romantic partner in front of them right? Like I legit thought you were in some open relationship and your main partner got upset. I’m guessing you’re teenagers. Maybe your friend had different feelings for you then you did for her and she hasn’t fully realized that yet.
I’m going NAH thinking you are all hormonal teenagers going through growing pains while navigating life.
no dude this girl ive been FRIENDS WITH my whole life got asshurt and left because i started talking to this boy. thats what i told her too though like why are you acting as if i cheated on you
I’m saying she may have feelings she didnt realize she had and doesn’t know how to deal. Or she is just jealous. Or you do change when you get into relationships with boys (sometimes we don’t realize that until friends show us).
Either way many times in life relationships change and end when we don’t expect it, especially when we are young and figuring ourselves out. Just is what it is.
Hey, kid. In her mind, you did, apparently. I was able to parse your story, and she feels butthurt because she does not feel like you care about her anymore, which I know is untrue, but if this is the first time you are seriously talking to a boy, she might feel like the 3rd wheel, being left out.
I wonder, though, if there is something else with her and she now has the “ability” to take it out on you because of your new friend. I don’t feel you are the AH, but without understanding what she is feeling, it is hard to make a ruling. As another commenter said, this becomes more common as you get older. By your profile, you are 16 and still have 2+ years of high school left and possibly college. How you navigate through this will give you abundant experience (good and bad) for dealing with similar situations throughout your life. My “fatherly” advice to you is sit your friend down, just the two of you, and see if you can hash this out. Good luck, kiddo.
I mean, I think it’s possible that this friend is simply a best friend who OP has known for a long time. If they’re really close then it’s not surprising for OP to text her every day, especially if OP is extroverted. And friends can still be envious of others having serious relationships without necessarily being in a relationship with each other.
NTA. It’s honestly super common for this sort of thing to happen as you get older and start learning more about yourself, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t awful to experience. You’re allowed to be into guys, and she should’ve talked to you before ignoring you/talking badly about you to others.
It is because she was never your actual friend. She was jealous of you period. It has happened to me, she took value in being the most important thing in your life and you relying on her emotionally made her feel better about her self because she is insecure. It has nothing to do with you and all to do with her. Her friends probably do not like you because she has already painted this image of you. She said she is jealous of the guy and she is jealous guys like you more than her even if you do not think it is true. She is simply insecure and friends like her are not good in the long run anyways. She replaced a boyfriend with you in her life for her emotional needs so now that you have a man it’s replacing her. It has happened to me before like 4 times. NTA but when you see people acting that way it is best you keep your distance and evaluate the friendship objectively bc it is not healthy and never turns out good.
Is there even a wee small chance that she likes this guy you’re talking to? Because maybe that’s the issue. That doesn’t make it your PROBLEM – she needs to use her words. But I know that’s hard at 16.
Is there a chance your school has something like peer counselors that might be able to help you two negotiate this? Or a teacher you both trust?
NTA. Your friend has issues with communication and is envious of you. She is not your real friend if she ignores you without reason and talks crap behind your back.
Unfortunately you might have to consider that this friendship won’t work for either of you anymore. But it is not your fault since she is the one who won’t communicate.
Maybe she likes the boy you’re seeing. Maybe she’s not jealous of you giving him time instead of her — rather, she’s jealous that you’re getting attention from boys and she isn’t. Friendships at this age can be very lopsided and misunderstood, they often don’t last into adulthood so y’all probably weren’t gonna be friends for much longer. Still, I’m sorry you lost a friend.
ETA judgement, NAH…
This kind of drama is not unusual for teenagers.
She could be jealous that you’re spending time with a guy and not her. She could be jealous because she likes the guy. She could be jealous because she likes you. She could be mad that you hurt her without realizing (may or may not be related to jealousy).
If she doesn’t want to talk to you about it, there’s nothing you can do until she opens up. And you don’t have to wait for her to open up. You can move on if you want. You can put your relationship with her on pause until she’s ready to say something. You’re valid for being mad that she’s treating you this way. But there really isn’t anything for you to do. Heck, it’s best not to bend over backwards for her. Either let her come to you or just treat her like she isn’t icing you out. That way, if you two manage to repair this rift, she’ll know that doing what she’s doing isn’t going to affect you the way she might want (consciously or unconsciously.)
This kind of stuff happens a lot but your situation sounds extreme.
I had a friend in my 20s (we are both straight females) who went through several boyfriends during the time I knew her. We would hang out a lot but as soon as she got a new love interest, she was with him 24/7. If I wanted to see her, it had to be with whoever she was with at the time. It was annoying because I never did that to her and it was always awkward as I was the third wheel.
My point is, maybe you only THINK you are giving her the same amount of attention.
In my case, I wasn’t jealous but it did make me feel only important when she was in between boyfriends.
NTA