WIBTA About a month ago my (33F) wife (30F) and I decided to spend Christmas with my parents. My parents (early/mid 50s) live in a completely different state than we do so we make the 26 hour drive to them. I also have 3 siblings 1 older (35) and 2 younger (20s). Some back story my older sister and I are not on speaking terms and haven’t been for 8 months now. Long story short my wife and I are a blended family (we are gay) and my sister during an argument (about her behavior towards my mom) insinuated that my children are not mine due to them being my wife’s biological children. Now to the story. About a a week ago my older sister informed my parents that she and her kids would be visiting them for Christmas as well. I informed my parents that I still don’t speak to my sister but would be polite with my sister while we are all at their home (all of my siblings will be home for Christmas). After this my wife and I rushed to buy my sister’s kids Christmas gifts and came up with a cheap drawing tablet ($2) and once we arrived home take them to get a gift card of their choice each. After buying the tablet and deciding on the gift cards I let my mom know what we’d be doing (my mom and I text all day everyday) not even a week had passed since she had said my sister was making the trip as well when she informs me that my sister is no longer going. My mom suggested I mail my sisters kids their gifts I mentioned that due to them being a cheap gift I’d probably just gift them to my boys ($4+shipping isn’t worth it to me). This seemed to upset my mom and she said that I shouldn’t have even told her that I bought the kids gifts if I wasn’t going to give them to them and should just give them to my kids. This reaction from her sparked a memory in me of how at past holiday gatherings my mom is always upset, mad, angry, or annoyed. This made me rethink our decision to spend Christmas with my parents and instead go somewhere nearby to spend the holiday just us. So would I be the asshole for canceling Christmas with my parents and taking my wife and kids somewhere else?
More info: I know it’s not my sister’s kids fault she and I aren’t speaking and I’m not against mailing them a gift but this gift is literally $2 each without the gift cards. I also am not sure what they are into their interests change so quickly.
Girl, you were going to drive 26 hours? NOOOO!
That’s where I got stuck also. AH just for that alone.
Yes 😭 we’ve made the trip multiple times but I realized that my parents have never made the effort to visit us as I type this out.
more info needed. Did your mother tell your sister you were sending her kids gifts? Why would she have anything to do with this interaction between you and your nieces/nephews? Let Mom be mad/worried/annoyed. Enjoy your other siblings. I don’t understand how this is an issue.
ESH
You wouldn’t be an AHole for not going but you wouldn’t be ‘canceling Christmas’. Your sister decided not to go already. I’m wondering if mom told her you were going and she canceled. Or if she had the intention of going, and mom told her you’re getting her kids $2 gifts. Your mom sounds like a trouble maker as does your sister with her ‘not your kids’ comment. You for not buying generic gift cards & sending to your niblings. You & wife for thinking a 26 hour drive is a good Christmas for your kids. Fly or stay home and enjoy your holiday.
You should mail the gifts. Kids get excited over simple things. My nephews live in another state and I have spent Christmas with them before where they had more fun with the bubble wrap than the gifts. This year I have already bought them both nice gifts which I’m going to have my parents bring to them when they visit since I can’t this year.
My thing is they don’t even know about the little drawing tablets I’d rather send them something they would like but I’d have to guess or just send gift cards.
NTA and agree that you should mail the gifts. Be a bigger person for the kids. Skip miserable mom Xmas and do your own thing.
Thank you I appreciate your response! We are thinking of sending them legos and a gift card I feel like all kids like legos and if the legos aren’t their thing the gift cards should make up for it.
My husband doesn’t get along with his brother because of choices he made with his first wife. We have three nieces and nephews through that brother. Even though we don’t get along with him, we send Christmas and birthday gifts every year. Children are not responsible for the sins of their parents.
As for not going for Christmas – spend Christmas where you will be happy. When my kids were born, I made it clear that we would not be traveling for Christmas, but anyone who wanted to spend Christmas with us was welcome to come over. That makes my family happy. If your family is happy going on a holiday, go on holiday. Christmas should be about the kids, not the adults.
NTA. But I’d still mail the kids generic gift cards in a card if you don’t know their interests. Amazon, Target, Walmart, etc. You don’t need to send the drawing pad too.
NTA
Stay home for Christmas. Your kids don’t want to spend so much time in the car to spend Christmas Day with Grandma, especially when Grandma is just gonna stir up drama. Let your kids wake up in their own beds for Christmas instead.
Can you ask your mom if she knows what the kids would like? Otherwise, send money or gift cards.