Okay so for context me and my wife are both from Canada but were both ethnic minorities (Also of different ethnicities as well) obviously we have family outside.
She went recently on a 2 month vacation to her home country with some detours on the way for travel. We are both really young so I am working a lot and I couldn’t make it this time so she solo traveled.
Now the day she came back she surprised me by her hair being dyed full blond (naturally black hair) and she had her arms and shoulders having quite a few tattoos. Following this she got some more on her back, inner thighs, hips, chest, and some other areas. They aren’t chaotically big but definitely noticeable.
She never had any before but I also never really thought about them to begin with which is part of the reason why it shocked me.
I asked her why she did it and she kept insisting it is just a spiritual makeover she wanted to do for a while and found good artists on the way but I kept on begging for more details and she got mad not only at this but also at other basic details about the trip. I am really panicking and imaging the worse but I also might be in the wrong if nothing bad actually happened.
Am I overthinking this?
I’m sorry, did you not talk to her for two months? She had all this done but you didn’t know? Tattoos take time, it’s not like she would have done it all the day before she came back. If she was keeping it a secret from you until she came back then I would say N-T-A but if yall just didn’t communicate at all for two months then I have to say E-S-H.
NTA, yes, it’s her body however you still have a right to your opinions. It’s surprising that she never told you about getting a tattoo let alone getting several tattoos
INFO: What are you imagining when you say you are ‘imagining the worst?’ Her cheating? Though I don’t know what that has to do with tattoos….
NTA, partner should respect each other enough to tell when they are making permanent marks, and also the whole hiding details about the trip? lol.
A lot of poeple here is saying its her choice, her human right, sure it is, its also completely irrelevant. Because u also have the right to get pissed and divorce her and find someone who respect u.
INFO just a bit lost here, when you say the worst, what exactly are you imagining? What “bad thing” do you suspect happened? She got some tattoos and dyed her hair. You concerned she joined a gang or something?
I mean she didn’t need to ask permission but kinda odd to hide it for so long. If I’d gotten new tattoos I’d be showing my partner immediately after in excitement or something.
In saying that, I just don’t see how tattoos and new hair are related or to any of the typical relationship issues one would usually be upset about like cheating etc. seems like an odd leap. Has she given you cause for concern in past in other ways?
NTA. There is a disconnect and you’re not crazy for acknowledging it. But tread carefully OP, that doesn’t automatically make her the asshole. She’s made some autonomous decisions you don’t understand and the most profound thing you can do right now is to discover who she is becoming. You never know, the answers might delight you.
INFO: how young is “very young”? It’s very common for people’s identities to change as they grow through their 20s, she may not have even realised this was something she wanted to do before.
NTA, evading details is pretty sketchy. Also why didn’t she mention what she was gonna do when you had your phone calls? Something is odd. She has every right to get whatever tats she wants done on her, but being married and not even mentioning it in a text or call in passing is weird. ‘Hey I just got a tattoo done wanna see it?’ Anything like that would be a normal thing to say to your souse, but she evades and dodges questions about what she was up to on her trip? It’s weird
INFO: What exactly is “the worst” that you’re imagining from someone bleaching their hair? I understand freaking out about the tattoos more, as they’re permanent and it sounds like they are fairly large changes. You know hair can grow back out and / or be re-dyed, right? Why are you so fixated on her going blonde?
>I am really panicking and imaging the worse
???
Okay, it’s definitely her body, BUT it is odd to not say anything what shes “been wanting.” You’re not an AH because you want to understand what brought this all on. It’s drastic to be sure. The pendulum swung rather wide here. If it’s out character, you have a right to be concerned. You are her husband, afterall.
I’m confused… I feel like she didn’t explain? She wanted tattoos and she wanted to get a makeover. I think you probably are just shocked by the changes but from the info you have provided I don’t think she’s done anything wrong and you probably just need to relax and accept that it’s her body to change however she would like without your permission or having to explain herself.
INFO: she was gone for 2 months and never mentioned getting multiple tattoos? Did you two talk to each other while she was away?
When you say you were “pushing for details,” what were you wanting details on? Has she done something to justify you grilling her about why she got them? Were you asking about the trip itself and she was dodging the questions, or were you pushing her to answer why she got tattoos and aren’t accepting her answer? She’s allowed to get tattoos and dye her hair, it’s her body, and there doesn’t always have to be a reason why someone changes their look. “Because I wanted to” is a valid answer.
This story is missing a lot of details that make it hard to judge.
Info- did you guys not speak while she was away?