I’m 24yrs old female. i have a long-time friend john, who has been trying his hand at entrepreneurship for the past few years. I’ve supported him through his ventures, both emotionally and financially. He’s had two businesses fail, and he’s now launching a third one. Recently, he came to me asking for a sizable loan to help get this new idea off the ground, promising me that he was sure this would be the one.
I sat down with him and discussed the risks involved. I reminded him of the previous failures and how much he struggled to pay everyone back, including me. I felt a mix of concern and frustration because he seems to rush into things without a solid plan. I told him that while I believe in him, I couldn’t lend him money this time because I’m saving for an important personal goal that I’ve been working towards for a while.
John took my refusal really hard and accused me of not being supportive as a friend. He even suggested that I just don’t want to see him succeed. I stood my ground, but now he’s spreading the word among our mutual friends that I’m being selfish.
I truly care about him and want to see him succeed, but I also think it’s important for him to learn from his mistakes rather than relying on someone else to bail him out.
NTA – never lend people money unless you can afford to lose the money
NTA. And his definition of support is very one sided.
It’s fine for him to ask. It’s fine for you to decline.
Nta
thank you
It’s also NOT Ok for him to attempt emotional blackmail.
This isn’t a friend.
You mentioned that he struggled to pay you back, has he? Fully?
You’re not an ass for not giving something things. Not all support is financial. His reaction to you isn’t cool. He can be hurt but he can’t take it out on you
If he hasn’t finished paying her back, it’s not OK for him to ask. Even if he had, he should realize how bad this looks.
I know someone like this, so that might be influencing my answer just a bit.
Do you watch Judge Judy? Every third episode is literally this situation – some slick guy who talked some female into giving him a bunch of money which he has no intention of paying back.
NTA.
You weren’t refusing to support him as a friend, you were refusing to support him as a bank. Don’t lend money you aren’t afraid to lose and if his idea is as sound as he believes, he should be able to secure a loan at an actual bank.
He’s a user. Don’t keep betting on a dead horse. If your friends believe in him. Let them take the risk. If he talks that way to you. He didn’t appreciate the last 2 times you did it for him. If you didn’t want him to succeed. You wouldn’t have help him the last 2 times.
Not only is it important for John to learn from his mistakes, but it’s important for you to achieve your own personal goals and not make John’s your priority. NTA
Some times the best support you can give is no support at all. It help me grow up as a man. Sign a better man today
Not only are you NTA but you should push back hard against this *friend’s* you of being selfish.
I’d suggest you ask him & anyone else who confronts you why they think you loaning money should be a requirement for friendship with John.
NTA and you’re Not The Bank.
The manner he refused to take no for an answer indicates he’s a manipulative, selfish person and a terrible friend.