Every year me and my friends have a Christmas party together to celebrate the holidays. It’s always super fun, and we always invite our friend group mutual friends to it. We are in the process of planning this year’s party, and my friend wanted to invite some other people as well as her boyfriend. So far this school year, we all have been very distant, and we haven’t had a full friend group hang out since summer. We all were planning on doing just our group, until she sprung upon us the other people. I said no, and that we all haven’t been just us for so long. She now is mad at me and isn’t talking. AITA?
NTA if you’re hosting, you can say no. And it’s kind of bad etiquette on her part to ask a host to let you bring more people beyond possibly a plus one.
That said, she might not come in that case and that’s okay too.
NAH. Don’t be surprised if she decides maybe this is no longer group for her. Not a bad thing, growing apart is part of growing
Personally I’m a fan of inclusion, especially at Christmas what with the season of love and giving and acceptance. That being said if you’re hosting you’re fully within your rights to say no.
“my friend wanted to invite some other people as well as her boyfriend.” That doesn’t sound like she was springing anything on you. She asked. To spring it on you she’d need to have invited people without asking or letting you know. I suspect she is more angry at your reaction. And not having a full friend group since the summer it’s reasonable for her to think it might be about time to get everyone all together.
YTA
We had a Friendsgiving with our core 6. One person wanted to invite someone else and we all said no. We have not been together since the summer and we just wanted it to be the six of us. It turns out one friend was actually getting a divorce and she wanted to share that with us and another friend who going through an extremely tough time involving abuse and she had not had the opportunity to share all of this with us. With the core six they had the space to do this, and they each got the support that they needed from us. Maybe she shouldn’t have termed it party, but to have a gathering of your closest friends is not wrong.
Info: is the issue the other people or are you not even letting her bring her boyfriend?
INFO are you hosting it? If not, if it’s a group decision, I think you can say “I’d prefer to keep it just us” but you don’t have yes/no power, unless you are the host. She can always host her own thing and invite others if she wants.
Info- why does what you want to happen matter more than what she wants? Are you hosting and financing the party?
Exactly. Are you guys operating on a veto based system? She wants them you don’t, shouldn’t the whole group decide? The boyfriend part is especially sensitive, I would expect SO exclusion sounds harsh. Adult friends group are usually accommodating, maybe that is the transition as you grow up.
YTA unless there are hard resource limits, exclusive friend groups are weird and annoying. People grow and forge new relationships. Your friend wants to introduce you to people she cares about, and celebrate the holiday together in an inclusive way. You can’t freeze friend groups in time and expect them not to evolve.
The problem with your friend inviting more friends is that the rest of the friends who have already been invited might want to invite their other friends too. I think it’s best to keep the group as it is, I don’t think yta at all.
This really depends on if you’re doing the hosting/financially responsible for the get together. If you are hosting, and bearing the costs – NTA
If you aren’t hosting/and not solely financially responsible for the get together – YTA. I think you would need to consult the rest of the group to make a decision
Info: who’s hosting the party? Is it at someone’s home or a public space?