I have always had great relationships with my partners parents, however this man’s mum is different. my boyfriend of one year. When I first went to their house to meet her she didn’t even greet me for 5 mins whilst talking to my bf about pokemon she finally turns around only for me to have to address her and give her a hug. She doesn’t let us (23yr olds) hang out in my bfs bedroom as her room is next door and she doesn’t want us to disturb her. yet she never knocks when coming into the gaming room where we hang out and decides to rant about random work issues to us for hours on end. she has never asked me a single question about myself and knows that I am autistic yet continues to use the R* slur around me and often makes snide remarks such as when we were ordering dinner i said i’m happy with that and she said “for once”. there have been times where my bf has treated me really poorly and all she does is validate his actions and say that i’m the one in the wrong. my bf says he needs us to have a good relationship and that it’s really important to him because she is all he has apart from me. he also claims she “really likes me” but i don’t know. she often gives me her old stuff she doesn’t use but that’s about the only kindness she shows me. idk what to do anymore. AITA for not wanting to hang out or become better friends with his mum after all of this??
NTA. Your boyfriend is the problem here and will continue to be – if he won’t support you against her, and insists you need to get along regardless of her interactions and snide comments, you should consider parting ways.
As a side note – if your friend came to you and told you this was happening to them, what would your advice be? Please treat yourself with some kindness.
NTA, why are you still with this clown? You say there have been times where he treats you poorly and his mom validates his shitty behavior. Leave him before this situation gets worse and this mommas boy does something to hurt you.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with disliking someone who hasn’t given you any reason to like them! Honestly, my bigger issue is with your boyfriend’s behavior and indifference. Letting her use slurs, not understanding your feelings, and specifically, “treating you really poorly.” Whatever the meaning of that line, it doesn’t sit right with me. Maybe he’s a better boyfriend than this post makes him seem but I’m often in the “girl, leave him!” camp on these sorts of things anyway 😅 I know leaving a relationship isn’t fun or easy, but I’d assess the reasoning you had for making this post and if your boyfriend is really worth keeping around. Losing a year to a guy is better than losing five or ten!
NTA
NTA, your boyfriend should be picking up on this and having a word with his mum but I think it’s going to be pointless at this rate, you’re worth more than this and deserve more, I’d step away.
NTA. You can’t force a good relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you. She ignores you, uses slurs around you knowing you’re autistic, makes snide comments, and validates your bf when he treats you poorly. Giving you her old stuff doesn’t make up for consistent disrespect. The real issue is your boyfriend expecting you to get along with someone who treats you badly while he does the same. You deserve basic respect – not liking her is completely reasonable.
NTA at all. Respect goes both ways, and she has not shown you much of it. You are not required to force a relationship with someone who treats you poorly, especially when your feelings are valid here. If he wants you to have a good relationship that bad, then he should step up and tell his mom to respect you a bit more, personally I wouldn’t allow my mom to act like that towards my gf.
Why are you still with this boy when he treats you poorly and doesn’t stand up for you when his mum uses slurs around you?
Y T A to yourself for continuing to put yourself in this situation.
NTA for not wanting to develop a relationship with his mum. Consider, though, the misery and stress of that over the rest of your life.
A son is a son until he takes a wife. He seems to want to keep his mommy and not his adult responsibilities. Dump him, no good is ever going to come from this
“ … continues to use the R* slur around me … “
I’m not autistic and this would still be a dealbreaker for me.
“there have been times where my bf has treated me really poorly … “
Is this relationship where your bf treats you poorly and his mother is rude and ableist worth it? I doubt it.
NTA
NTA
But you deserve better than your bf. You are only going to have more problems down the line being mistreated by both
Both of them are/have treated you poorly. Why are you still there?