Hey guys, I just need some clarity from outside perspectives. I dont really have anyone to talk to about my situation so i came here. I (28F) met an older man (43M) on the website Ashley Madison. We met about 4 months ago and weve been talking almost everyday. When we started talking we both used fake names to ensure security but I ended up telling him my name and he told me his. Im in school right now pursuing a degree and working part time at a fast food restaurant. He knows where i work and where I live. He still hasnt told me where he works or i have never been to gis home or know where its at. He has a fiance and a 2 year old that doesnt know about me. We talked about why he was on the site. He said him and his fiance have tried to have intercourse and it’s become painful and unenjoyable for her. After a long period of celibacy they were constantly struggling with being able to be intimate. They had a discussion about how to approach the lack of physical intimacy. They came to an agreement that he could have an outside sexual partner as long as she didnt know about it. Accordimg to him theyve been together for 10+ years and are perfect for eachother. We have talk almost every day since weve met. Plus we’ve met a handful of times at my home (while my kids are with their dad) to do the horizontal tango. I even traveled 2.5 hours to meet up with him at a suite to spend the night with him on his work trip. But its coming to Christmas and he said he want to plan a trip for somewhere 2.5 hours away in January. And he also said he was thinking about getting a gift. I thought this was a situationship. We both agreed just sex because loves his fiance. i didnt realize he would be gift giving. So would i be the asshole to keep him around just for my needs and basically ghost him in between?
Edit: So technically i do know where he works and lives but he didnt tell me. When we first started talking we sent selfies back and forth. I took his selfies and did an image reversal search where i found his full name and important information. But hes very respectful about not coming over or doing weird stuff. I would never cross the line of going to his house i jist wanted to know who i was involved with.
He’s having an affair and you are his affair partner. He’s lying to you and her. Do with that info what you will
NTA for wanting to keep it casual, BUT GIRL. This man has a whole fiancee, a baby, and a home address he won’t even tell you. If you ghost him, he knows where YOU live. This isn’t an AITA problem, it’s a Lifetime movie plot trying to happen.
YTA! Pathetic.
Both of ya’ll are AHs, so you owe him nothing.
Just out of curiosity, did he tell you him and his fiancé came to this agreement or have you also talked to the fiancé too? Cause it sounds pretty convenient that his fiancé is totally okay with him having this relationship with you.
ETA: just reread your post, now it’s even more suspiciously convenient that his fiancé is totally okay with him sleeping around as long as she doesn’t know about it. How thoughtful and accommodating of her.
Nta to your particular question, but in general you aren’t making great choices and I’d take a step back from all this. If you’re just looking for sex, I’m sure you can easily find that without getting into messy situations for no real reason or benefit.
you can embrace the sugar-chick persona and take advantage or admit you are in a sex for cash relationship
YTA and yes to answer your question. I get that you want something casual which is why you are on that sight. However, this man knows where you live. You know nothing about him and you have children living with you. If you make the decision to have that type of a relationship, think first about your children and their safety/wellbeing. Bringing this situation into your home is probably not the smartest idea.
Question: why were you on Ashley Madison?
Ashley Madison? I thought they shut that down like a decade ago.
YTA for making me read your fanfic.
YTA. These are terrible life choices you are making. Asked and answered
YTA. You know why.
ESH he’s almost certainly lying about his and fiance’s “agreement”. He’s cheating on her with you and made up a story he believes would make that more palatable to you. You, in turn, are essentially using him for sex and want nothing to do with him inbetween. You both sound awful.