I (40F) have a sister (38F) who is 7 months into her second pregnancy.
She is married and also has another child who is 3.
Recently some extended family reached out about wanting to get together and we were supposed to go to a restaurant for dinner.
My sibling asked me about switching it to her house since it would be easier for her.
We decided we would order food so she didn’t have to cook and briefly threw out some ideas.
A few days before my sibling made a passive comment that she would be cooking because it would be too expensive to cater and I said I was confused bc we were all going to contribute.
Sibling still insisted on cooking so I rolled with it and we sorted out what I would bring. We chatted about other stuff up until the day before dinner everything was fine.
The day of dinner…I called my sibling two hours before the scheduled time so I could let them know I was heading over alittle early to help
I got my ass handed to me that my ‘pregnant sibling’ had been spending all day cleaning and preparing while I thought i was going to just show up an hour before. That they only agreed to "lend" me their house to host (i swear this was never said) and that I should have been there hours ago helping out.
I started to say hey I’m sorry if you needed me there earlier all you had to do was ask and got screamed at that I ‘should have known’ and that ‘everyone’ was saying how wrong it was for me to ‘throw this dinner on the pregnant woman’ and that I look like a real asshole to the family as she hung up on me. A subsequent phone call to my mom ended with an angry ‘she’s pregnant and you’re upsetting her!’ justification without any opportunity to hear my side.
I’m sure there is an element of hormones at play but I don’t think its fair that I’m automatically wrong and the asshole because someone is pregnant?
So reddit AITA?
ETA UPDATE: I ended up calling my extended family and saying that it was too much for my sister with her pregnancy for all us to be at her house and that we needed to cancel or move the location. My extended family then called my sister who told them she was sorry but dinner was canceled. Dinner didn’t happen.
I agree with some comments that my sister thought she could handle it then got overwhelmed. I suspect husband wasn’t being much help so she got on his case in which he may have turned around and said *I thought you were planning this with your sister why isn’t she here helping* to get her off his case which set her off on me.
When I said ‘why haven’t you called to ask where I am if you felt I should be there already? Why are you waiting until i call you?’ She told me it was common sense and courtesy that I should have known she would need help. That this was my plan with our extended family and she was being kind enough to ‘lend her house’. I pointed out it was her idea to move locations and was told ‘irregardless!’
Mom will not fight with sister because she’s afraid of losing access to the grandchildren.
Im upset and embarrassed at the dysfunction and I know I’m not going to get an apology. My sister will just avoid me then want to act like nothing happened as per her MO.
NTA
So… your sibling moved the location of the meal, because it would be easier for her and is now making a fuss, because of all the work involved?
Your sister made a series of decisions that created this situation and at no point said anything or reached out for help. This is all on her. You are not a mind reader. You could not know. And at every turn you offered solutions that would have in fact made things easier.
Your sister needs to get over herself.
This is exactly right.
Nobody pushed any of this on her, she changed plans to make it easier on herself and now is mad she was wrong.
Seems like the sort of thing you get from passive aggressive people.
NTA, call everyone, immediately, and say hey, this is overwhelming for sis, so let’s move it back to restaurant. She doesn’t get to demand it be done at her place, demand to cook, and then turn into an utter nightmare because she can’t do what she demanded to do.
Moving it back to a restaurant wouldve avoided all this. She insisted on hosting, so its unfair to pin it on you now. Probably more stress than anything, not you being in the wrong.
NTA. Your sister made choices and has to deal with the consequences. Where’s her husband in all this? Why does this fall on you?
Nta. She made every decision and then lied about her part in her own decisions.
If you have messages or any paper trail of the original plans, just send her the screenshot and let her know that while you aren’t angry, you are hurt by her reaction and going forward will just simply not get involved with making the dinner plans and will be a standard guest like everyone else not hosting.
NTA. As someone who has been pg 4 times, I would never offer to host a dinner because I would not want to do all the cleaning that comes with, you know, hosting a dinner. It is absolutely NOT easier. Even with a 3 year old. (My 3 living children are all 3 years apart, so I was pg with a 3 year old twice).
Your sister is being attention seeking, is this the norm for her? Was she hoping to get some free labor out of you?
Being pregnant isn’t a handicap. She wanted it at her house, she offered and then everyone threw a fit because…it was at her house. To me it seems that she’s just stirring the s\*it pot so she can get attention. If she’s treating you this way, imagine how horrible her husbands life is right now. NTA.
Nta- You waned a restaurant, she chose to have it at her house since it was easier for her. You wanted to order food, she wanted to cook to save money. She made all these choices and made everyone else go along with them, and never mentioned needing help. And where’s her husband? Why isn’t he helping? Why are you getting in trouble for her choices? Definitely NTA, everyone wanted to give her 0 work and she chose to give herself most of the work.
>she chose to have it at her house since it was easier for her.
I can’t even fathom what the thought process was that led her to think it would be easier at her house. It doesn’t get much easier than showing up at a restaurant where everything is taken care of for you.
Just because you become pregnant, doesn’t mean you can’t also become an asshole
NTA
What? Are you often set up like this by your family? Your sibling wanted to move the dinner to her home, wanted to cook and somehow it’s your fault she’s overwhelmed and you didnt read her mind?? There’s no sides here, she’s creating issues and blaming you for them and your mother is backing her up? That’s unhinged behaviour.
Your sister is AH. She is a pregnant AH but a HUGE AH, nonetheless.
I am so sick of pregnant women using the fact that they are pregnant as an excuse to behave so badly.
BTW, mom is an AH, too, so you can see were she gets it.
My petty ass ” well sweetie, this is why we wanted to meet at a restaurant, because it would be easier”.