So my dad is currently about to be taken off Dialysis and my sister and grandmother have mentioned that since he is passing that if I wanted to I could go and visit him before he passes. I don’t personally feel that I am his son nor he my father. We spent as much time talking as an ordinary person might spend chatting with a stranger at a diner counter. I barely even know much of that side of my dad’s family because my mom and her side of the family raised me into who I am today. I feel bad for my dad’s side as they suffer, and I can feel the guilt from my grandma since she kind of hid my father from supporting me at a young age.
I don’t know but I just feel like I would rather just stay separated from that side and let them move on.
NTA.
Is there ANY chance you’ll regret not seeing him before he dies? If yes, go see him for that reason.
If I were you I wouldn’t ask Reddit I’d talk to a Therapist. In my Opinion if you don’t really know the man Blood relative or not if he wasn’t there for your life the way you needed him maybe you shouldn’t be there for his death. That’s just One opinion Mine, but I’m Nobody, Just don’t let Other people you don’t really know decide for you, Whatever you decide has to be all on you and Nobody else
I figured that. It was mostly to gather ideas of what others suggest before I make a decision on it. The only real thing that I feel for is my grandma cause she is dealing with the issue of having to get lawyers to protect my dad’s assets from his homeless girlfriend who wants him to sign over his assets to her (I know it sounds insane, my dad was a drug user) but then again, I don’t know if he has any assets to begin with. If I make a decision, I recognize that it has to be my own. This will help me kinda affirm what others think on whether or not I’m making the right choice with their own opinions. Regardless, I appreciate the comment
NTA. This is absolutely a personal decision and only you get to decide if you say goodbye or not.
If you’re comfortable with your decision then don’t listen to anyone else. If you’re unsure just consider whether you’d regret it or not in the future if you didn’t say goodbye
That’s an extremely personal decision and you need to follow your heart on that one… No you are absolutely not the AH if you decide against going.. he wasn’t present in your life and you’re not obligated to expose yourself to that now. If you think you might regret not going that’s about the only reason you should go… Whatever they’re feeling is irrelevant as they were not present family your entire life and his death doesn’t negate that. You don’t owe them anything.
NTA If he wasn’t present in your life when you needed him the most, then it’s okay not to see him. Where was he when you needed a father?
You might not have much to say to your dad, but perhaps he has something he needs to say to you. How will you know unless you show up? Death is a formidable and inevitable force. What you may not realize is that you too, will die someday, and all the deaths of those you knew, will come to haunt you, including ones like your father’s. Just because someone was incapable of caring the way you would have, does not mean they don’t care. Make peace with him. Be a caring considerate person despite being wronged. Also, consider that this gesture would mean a lot to your sister and grandmother. They probably need your support. AYTAH? No. You are just not done growing.
How do you mean grandma hid him from you. Is she his Mom?
So the first 7 years of my life, my dad was basically hiding away from me to avoid paying child support and his mom helped to hide him. The only way we found him was through a private investigator
Oh geez grandma. Like seriously I’d be livid with both of them.