I (31 F) carpool to work every day with four coworkers. We all live about an hour away from the office and have been carpooling ever since they forced us back to full time in person so that we could share commuting expenses (Gas and tolls).
One of my coworkers (let’s call her S) has a young child who recently got very sick.For the last few days he’s been having constant nosebleeds so bad that he’s even gone through an entire roll of toilet paper trying to stop the bleeding.
Last Sunday night it got so bad that they took him to the hospital. On Monday she still came to work as usual and didn’t mention anything about it until we were all driving home. That’s when she told us she hadn’t asked her boss for time off to take her kid to the hospital because she “didn’t think she would be allowed.” She also said that if she doesn’t get him seen soon, “he could die.”
She asked if the next day we could all take her car instead of the usual driver’s (Let’s call him A), and if everyone could clock out at 4:45 instead of 5:30 (5:30 is when A and I normally finish,the other 3 clock out at 5).
We told her we’d think about it and would need to clear it with our managers. After talking it over, A and I decided we would just find another ride home so S could leave whenever she needed. The plan was: she would drive her own car to work, we’d all ride with her in the morning, and then in the afternoon A and I would get a ride with someone else so she could go straight home and get her kid to the doctor.
When A called her later on that night to explain this plan to her, she got furious. She accused us of being heartless and not caring about her child, said “what goes around comes around,” and then dramatically announced she would just reschedule the doctor’s appointment so it “wouldn’t inconvenience us” even though we never asked her to do that, and even though she had just told us an hour before that her son’s nosebleeds haven’t stopped and he could literally die.
I’m angry because she was the one who originally said she’d take her own car and drop us off so she could go straight home to her kid and we were totally fine with that plan, but we knew there was no way our managers would let us leave 45 minutes early for someone else’s child. A and I don’t have children but honestly, if my kid was bleeding that much, I would have called out or left early the day before and taken him to the ER, not shown up to work and dropped the news casually on the commute home. I’m also confused, and concerned,at her saying that her kid ‘could die’ but yet she’s scheduling a doctor’s appointment instead of dropping everything and taking him straight to the ER.
So, AITA for refusing to clock out early so my coworker can take her kid to the ER?
NTA I genuinely have no idea what her issue is? Thats 2 less people she’d have to worry about driving home so she can get her kid to the hospital sooner?
Also, yeah, I dont have kids but if something could kill then Id be calling out of work and rushing them to the ER.
NTA
She has her own car, she can take her own kid when needed.
What do you guys(as coworkers) have anything to do with this? Unless I’m missing something?
I’m equally confused. Does she want everyone to go with her for moral support?
She may want everyone to leave early with her thinking maybe she won’t get into trouble if everyone leaves en masse. There’s no other viable reason for her to act this way.
Money.
She wants to split travel costs. If she comes home alone in her car then the full trip cost is on her
INFO what is she mad about? She’s getting what she needs, but she’s mad you aren’t clocking out early with her or something?
NTA. Her child, her responsibility is the short answer.
But this is weird behavior. What are the chances she’s lying? This doesnt seem like the action of a concerned mother. How expensive is it for her to just drive separately? This makes zero sense.
This seems like the kind of instance where she should just drive herself for the time being so she can come and go as she needs and you and your colleagues continue to carpool.
NTA. She needs someone to be mad at so she’s being mad at you. <3
I don’t understand why any of this is an issue. If she needs to take her child to the hospital, she should use her car that day and the rest of the group should carpool in a different vehicle.
None of this makes any sense but if it’s real, NTA.
I think she’s upset about the additional cost of not sharing gas and tolls for one day. It’s odd to me that nobody seems to be talking about how absurd that is.
Anyone that cant skip work to take their kid to the hospital is either in extreme financial distress or a negligent parent. Im going to guess, given the rest of the context, that she’s in extreme financial distress. As in, cant afford gas to get home kind of distress.
The difference would be <$5. I have a hard time believing she works full time and can’t muster up $5 for a one time emergency.
I think you’re definitely speaking from a place of privilege. I invite you to visit r/povertyfinance so you can read about the very real situations that people working, even full time, often find themselves in.
Those $5 could be the difference between getting her son medication or not, or having enough gas to drive him to the doctor.
I obviously dont know the details of these people’s lives. I \*do\* know that the casualness with which you treat spending $5 does not reflect the reality for many people that are skipping meals to make it to their next paycheck, nevermind getting gas.
Check your privilege, and be grateful that this is not your case. But keep in mind that it is very much the case for many people. Some people, in fact, do not have >$5 to spare.
Um they are already saving her $$ by doing the carpool thing in the first place. “Check your privilege” over $5 in THIS particular scenario seems over the top to say. The others may not even have permission to just suddenly take off 45 min early for someone else’s kid. Plus now THEY are losing wages by leaving early. This was a ridiculous expectation imo. I cant be someone else’s determining factor for their absolute last dollar and frankly behavior like this is so offputting I’d consider carpooling with someone else.