I have noticed this with the advice that has been given to me in my life about dating is to put yourself out there. Alot of people, act like that is the gold standard to make alot of friends or meet women.
However, alot of people dont understand that not everyone who fails with women struggle with putting themselves out there. I even been told that you just need to get comfortable around women and that will make you more confident with them.
However, in general, I have not gotten anything doing anything I mentioned above. For me, it all started when I was in high school. I was painfully shy and I got alot of female attention naturally. In fact, I never struggled getting people to like me at all. I had women invited me to the "all girls" table. However back then I was too shy to act. After high school, I started to work on talking to women.
In college, I had a few girls study with me daily but they never liked me. I was just extremely smart, so they wanted me to hang with them. This did not make me better with women. In fact, I got rejected a few times that I went after a girl in college. I even worked at an ice cream shop as the only guy there over the summer. Overall very nice experience however, still naturally struggled with women.
After college, I tried cold approaching just to get used to talking to strangers. I even signed myself out for a social skills program that gave out challenges with the goal of becoming more social. I remember one goal was to talk to 5 new people a day. I actually excel at it. However, you guess it I was still bad at talking to women.
I tried online dating. I probably have had over 1000 girls that I have reach out to and some girls that liked me photos. Easily been rejected well over 100 times. I got a few dates from there. I even got my first kiss at 26. But you guess it still bad with women today.
Last short story is that I am in med school. My shy charm has worn off so women no longer find me cool except for female associate. She actually the first girl that have text ongoing for more than 2 yrs. I have even taken her home a few times from the bars(huge for me since its rare for women to be comfortable with me). Well, she didnt even wished me happy birthday. All the other girls, dont even talk to me. So you guess it, I am still bad with women.
I shared this because I am curious what advice do people have for a guy like me who have done more than guys who complain about being single. At 28, I am really jaded that I never really got better in this area. What do I do?
The sooner you get over the fear of rejection? You will get more numbers.
And dating is a numbers game.
I did get over my fear of rejection but I dont get more numbers
Numbers doesnt mean phone numbers. Numbers means talking to/approaching women and not getting too invested in any individual response.
Then its just practice and refinement. Just got to accept its part of the grind.
When dating websites were websites instead of apps, I would read maybe 100 profiles and send 100 thoughtful messages that involved reading their entire profile to get 1 response/date if I was lucky.
I would go MONTHS with zero dates sometimes putting in weekly effort(taking mental health breaks when necessary for a few weeks/months).
Then its being on 2-3 different apps and doing the same thing because maybe she saw your profile on a bad day and so on app 2 you take another shot.
Did this for about 10 years, got maybe 3-4 girlfriends out of it before meeting my wife. It fucking sucked at the time, but it gave me what I needed to be able to keep her when I met her.
It’s a numbers game, soo like a slot machine you should be doing 100 pulls a night to maximize your chances.
So much for the last post of the day. Start paying for sex and get tested for autism
Buddy how much more advice do you need from us??
Even though you said it multiple times I’ll still struggling to see where you think the problem lies.
You say you are good at talking to people, but bad at talking to women… what does this mean? You are good at talking to male people but bad at talking to female people? Can you give an example?
If I had to guess he is also fine talking to unattractive women.
So he probably has an issue talking to women who he sees as a potential partner.
I think the advice stems primarily from the fact that so many men are too afraid of rejection to approach a woman at all. If you do it a few times and get rejected, you realize you’re still alive and it wasn’t the catastrophe you imagined, which makes it easier the next time.
It’s not really “practice” in the sense that you’ll be better at picking up women the more you do it… it’s more about getting over that initial fear of rejection.
I get that but I guess that is where I am then. I am over the fear of rejection but its not changing anything for me
Thickening of the skin
It’s not that putting yourself out there is the gold standard like placebo control double blind trial is.
It’s the gold standard because it’s literally the only way you can do it. Maybe that looks different for different people.
I was never good at hitting on chicks at bars for numbers or hook ups. Literally went something like 5 for an entire year and a half of making attempts.
My guy, you only need one. There is zero chance you get to the point you are in life and end up hooking up with a different girl every weekend. Figure out what you want from a girl and go for it.
Do you really want to date/marry some girl you met in the club and had sloppy drunk sex with an hour later?
tl;dr
It’s that you tried at all. Only one way to gain experience.
The “fear” of rejection will:
1.Not make you approach women in the first place
2.You will sike yourself out and when you do approach, you’ll come across in an awkward/nervous way
Once you’ve been rejected enough times, you won’t fear it because you’ll learn it’s not a big deal at all. There’s literally billions of women. So, you’ll approach more often and you’ll come across more confident (because you don’t be siking yourself out), leading to better results