I recently just told my Dad that I no longer wanted to go to his and his wife’s home anymore. I said that I was fed up of having to fit in, sacrifice and compromise. I admitted I was fed up of seeing him be Dad to other kids full time while I had be be grateful for a half time Dad.
My step mother is nice enough but her priority is always making sure her kids are not "left out" in fiancees, affection, time and it being home for them as I am not always there so must fit into their needs and dynamics.
My Dads wife has won. She and her children can have him. I have had enough. Expecting me to spectate their lovely new life all these years has been hard.
I decided I dont want to know them for the time being and have removed them of social media and blocked their numbers.
I just feel emotionally exhausted and frankly, like a piece of me died when Dad left. I’ve never gotten over it.
I feel conflicted but God all I do is get jealous and frustrated and feel like Im inadequate.
Should I cut contact or be the bigger person?
There is nothing wrong with cutting out of your life people who have done you wrong or are toxic, even if its your own family. But keep in mind its still family, you can also change the dynamic of your relationship with them.
OP, you need to do what feels best for you, that includes cutting toxic family out of your life.
My question is, have you had this talk with your dad?
Not your responsibility to carry the burden of being the bigger person in your father’s choices. He is the parent. He needs to find a way to either make things work or let you live a life without all the fatigue you are currently suffering.
This is something that is incredibly hard to deal with. I personally would have reacted the same way you did. Have you told your dad that you feel like he is a part time dad in your life? I would really share these feelings with him and see what his reaction would be. If you don’t feel comfortable talking maybe sending him a text or a message that mentions the feelings you have shared with us. That you feel left out, that you feel you are just spectating his new family and are not included. Most importantly I would ask if you have access to a professional to talk to about all this. Are you a minor? Can your dad help you talk to a therapist? Its his damn fault. This is the type of anger and frustration that could hold you back in life.
Can’t tell you what to do….but I think you should talk to your Dad. I’m a divorced Dad and while my daughters are all grown now with their own families, nothing was ever been more important than them. I would be absolutely heartbroken if you were my child and felt this way.
I had a VERY similar experience. I resented my father but always tried to make it work. Every 4-6 years we’d have an argument and not speak for a year (I’m 48 now). Once I had kids and he was indoctrinated by MAGA, I reached a boiling point. I finally told him to his face that he was probably the worst dad ever, a complete asshole and I’m done pretending. That was 9 years ago and i never regretted it once. In fact, my life has been easier and more complete since then.
Then don’t interact. Simple
I think you need to have a talk with your dad and let him know how you feel. What has the relationship been like with him since the divorce? Did you have a good relationship with him before he left? I bet you are very good at hiding your true feelings and he isn’t even aware you are feeling this way. I will also bet he would be devastated to hear you feel this way and will do what he can to mend the relationship. Talk with your dad, he is the only dad you have.
Id just do less contact, but that’s me.
cut contact. you don’t have to suffer just so they can live their best ideal life. take care of yourself.
It’s not a competition that you lost and the new wife won.
You absolutely have the choice to cut them out of your life, but the only thing I’m reading is that Dad cheated and left, not that dad and new wife are actively trying to harm you.
You can take what you can get or reject what you get and take nothing, only you can decide if what you get is of any value to you.
I went very LC with my own father but I did not jump to that quickly. It took me quite awhile to get to that point and at numerous stages thought of going NC. I ended up with very LC for my sisters who still want to invite him to family holidays/events. Those are the only times that I see him and because there are multiple people around, we simply avoid each other at this point. I’ve had people try and convince me to reconsider. I’ve had people tell me I’m a bad person for not having him in my life, especially after having lost my mom years ago. Everyone on the outside has an opinion, but until they went through what I went through and had to deal with what I had to deal with, they can all go pound sand.
My advice is to take time and work through your emotions and feelings on it. Don’t rush. Seek out therapy and don’t give up if your first therapist isn’t a good fit. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you don’t need it. It helps with the right message and person. It helps making tough decisions like this and thinking about hte consequences you might not think about. Its an impartial person.
At the end of the day, if you think its best for you to be out of their lives, do what is best for you and don’t let others manipulate you.
You spoke your truth and the silence that follows can be deafening….
You deserved your dad…
We all deserved dads…
I’m not crying, you are…