i moved abroad for an exchange program and it was after many years of not talking and hanging out with my cousin. in fact we would only hang out as kids for play dates when we were kids and she always treated me really bad. her grandma is my godmother btw, and even seeing how she treated me she never did anything besides watching in silence. once, my mom and i traveled to the city she moved to with her grandma so my mom could visit my godmother and i had to go with. she had a boyfriend and friends and totally ignored me when i was there, i stayed with my mom and my godmother all night during the carnival party (i am from brazil so it is a big festival over there). when she heard i moved abroad she texted me from her grandma’s number (my godmother, who i still talk to cause i love her) and she was so “sweet”, asking me how i was doing and telling me to text her at her number cause she wantedto talk to me. I totally ignored her message and never answered cause i thought she had second intentions just because i moved abroad. my godmother got a bit upset with me for this but we never had a deep conversation about this. was i am asshole for ignoring her? should i contact her back cause she is my family, after all?
NTA, she showed you who she is. Believe her and leave her and don’t bother. Live your life and enjoy!
She only contacted you after you moved abroad – she’s after a cheap holiday (ie. staying with you for free). NTA
ur godmother being salty is wild bc she literally watched her granddaughter be mean to u n said nothing?? like??
if u ever hit her up, it should be cuz u feel like it, not outta guilt. but rn? keep her on read queen, peace is priceless
Reply and ask “why you texting me?” And see what kinda bs she comes up with. Otherwise she Will vilify you and play victim forever.
NTA
lol she is NOT your family, she is your godmother’s family. She showed you who she is, believe her.
As for her supposed sweetness now, I’d take that as her wanting to use you as a potential vacation stay. Idk where you are now, but I’m betting she’s seeing you as a way to both save money and bully in one trip.
Don’t reply. Tell godmother she makes you uncomfortable or something. Make it vague so it’s a non-answer. She doesn’t get to tell you how to feel about others.
i am in the united states now, and yeah i just feel bad cause both my godmother and some of my family are thinking i am a bi*** for ignoring “family” even if when i was a kid when tried to contact her online when i had a computer she literally said she wouldn’t message me cause i was annoying. but we were kids and thats what they tell me. that she didn’t know what she was doing cause she was immature
“Because faaaaaamily” is rarely a good reason for doing anything. Sharing some DNA doesn’t automatically make people compatible. If you truly don’t like this person you are under no obligation to interact with her beyond common courtesy at family gatherings.
The thing about family is that your obligation to them is what you feel it is. If your family raises you well, treats you well, and teaches you to care for your family, you’ll likely feel more obligation to your family than if those things aren’t true. It can also be person dependent. You may feel an obligation to your mother that you don’t feel to your cousin. That’s fine – what you feel *IS* your obligation. There’s no greater moral truth to this question than that (there are exceptions, like the obligation of parent to child. But they’re not relevant here).
So, the obligation you feel to your cousin IS the obligation you have to your cousin. Her poor treatment of you made you want to ignore her. So ignore her.
NTA
You’re NTA. Why should you waste time and energy on someone who treated you like crap for years?
>my godmother got a bit upset with me for this
Too bad. She should have taken the blinders off a long time ago and corrected her granddaughter’s behavior
NTA You are allowed to decide who you want to communicate with. Toxic cousins can remain no contact!
Considering her history with you, it looks like she may want to use you for cheap accommodations when she vacations in your country. You owe your cousin precisely nothing. Contact her only if you *want* to connect with her, not because you feel guilty.
Not at all. I think it’s important to protect your peace. I think acknowledging her with something like “hey thanks, girl” is more than enough. But if you don’t have that in you, just tell your god mom that you two are not close and it’s at a detriment to you to be that close. Ultimately not the asshole.