Hi sorry this is my first time posting on here. I can’t tell if I’m being ungrateful or not so I just wanted to post this. I’m a sixteen year old girl and my birthday was in October. I don’t know if this is important but it feels important to say I was in mental health treatment for five months before coming home four days before my birthday. In the last month and a half of that treatment I got visits home so I probably should’ve cleaned my room but my mom and my stepdad kept telling me they would take care of it and they told me I could sleep in our attic; I did because it’s a really nice attic. Anyways, point being, I got home four days before my birthday and my room wasn’t clean, I was fine with that, I struggle cleaning but I don’t expect them to do it for me. We were meant to have a birthday party for me that weekend after my birthday, nothing big just a party in our house where a few of my friends came over, and I wanted to wear one of my old dresses and look pretty like girls do on their birthdays in the movies. They told me the night before the party to make sure I had my room done, and I cleaned, I guess not to their standards but I promise I cleaned and I spent hours doing it. Then the morning my party was meant to be they asked if I wanted to go to a pumpkin patch with them and my brothers. I asked what they meant because it was the day of my birthday party and my stepdad just told me my room wasn’t clean enough. I don’t know why I was so emotional that day but I cried and expressed how I thought it was unfair because my brother has had birthdays while his room was dirty, and even when he was grounded. (Not to say I don’t think that’s a good thing, I think every kid should get a birthday). I also get that he’s four years younger than me so that makes a difference but my mom has kinda always treated my brothers better than me as much as she denies it. I won’t bring up prior stuff with my mom because that doesn’t affect if I’m spoiled or not in this situation. So I texted my friends and told them it was cancelled, I felt really bad cause my friend made cookies for me 🙁 but it was fine, I went to my room and tried to clean more and they went to their pumpkin patch thing. And the rest of the day was just kind of me in my room. I think I might’ve been less upset if on the actual day of my birthday I had a good day, which I did until I got home from school. My mom offered to make me a meal I really like for my birthday so we went to the grocery store to get some chicken. I don’t remember exactly what happened but she was being kind of snappy with me if that makes sense. I started crying, I don’t cry a lot but she was being mean to me and I just wanted to feel special. It was my fourth day home permanently from treatment so I guess I just thought she’d be a little nicer. It was fine though, we had dinner and then I went to my room. I’m sorry if this is incoherent, it’s two am and I’m really scared of being a bad daughter.
I would not say ur and AH in this scenario. A messy room when u have been gone at a treatment facility for a while isn’t that detrimental. Sure you could have cleaned it of course but I understand things get away from us. Ur parents could have easily said I want your room cleaned before your party or else we aren’t having it. I just kinda get a “I’m waiting for u to screw up” vibe from them which isn’t right. I’m 22 and I do advise if parents ask you to do a chore, just do it. Get it out of the way. Keep them from being set off.
Ybta
YNTA!! Happy birthday princess. I had mental heath struggles this year too and it made cleaning impossible. Your parents were unfair to do things the way they did and you did not deserve it. I hope you can find a way to celebrate with your friends on a different evening. I’m sure you are an amazing daughter and nobody’s perfect. ❤️🎁
Your parents sound borderline abusive. No wonder you were in a mental health treatment facility.
NTA
NTA – but for your own mental health, it seems it would be best to stop comparing what your brothers get to yourself, when you acknowledge that there is a difference in treatment.
I’m not saying that’s right, nor is it fair.
Are there any safe adults in your life that you feel you could share your feelings with?
Not really, other than my dad I had to cut off most of my family because of something. Whenever I talk to my dad he says he sorry but my grandma was also really bad to my mom so I can’t blame her
No, you absolutely can’t blame her. It’s not our job to project our traumas and hurt onto our children.
Your dad is also responsible for doing more than simply apologizing.
It’s a bit late but happy birthday to you! 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈
Let me just say, you will have so many more birthdays and when you’re an adult you will decide what these birthdays look like. It’s not far away, you’re almost an adult. Being a teenager is honestly awful, it’s so hard. The way your family treats you is a reflection of them, not you. A messy room is not a big deal and you deserved to have a nice birthday and I’m sorry they took that from you. I promise life gets so much better.
NTA. I suspect your parents weren’t planning on holding a birthday party for you in the first place.
Is there an adult in your life who can give you the support you’re not getting from your parents? I think you need someone like that to help you with your recovery.
NTA, darling. I’m so sorry you’ve been treated like this. You deserved to have a good birthday. You’re not a bad daughter. Of course your room wasn’t clean, you’ve been gone for five months and you only just got back. That’s no reason to cancel your party and be cruel to you. Please know that it won’t be like this forever. The teenage years might just be the hardest. But you’re going to make it through, and you’re going to heal from it. Remember to be kind to yourself. You have to take care of your inner child if no one else is going to. But you’re going to make it.
NTA.
Happy belated birthday !
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I understand how excited you were about celebrating this birthday. I don’t think a messy or dirty room is a valid reason to cancel a party. Do you have the chance to talk to your parents about it? It’s important that you take the time to discuss things and avoid leaving things unsaid, so it doesn’t affect your relationship and so you don’t keep this inside. Maybe they had a reason for doing this? Financial concerns? Some advice they received maybe?