I 23F have been helping my younger sibling 21 with money for almost a year. It started as groceries and rent help when they were struggling, but it never stopped. They’ve quit multiple jobs because they didn’t like them and still spend money on takeout, weed, and games. Last week I found out they bought a new gaming console while behind on rent. That was my breaking point. I told them I’m done sending money, and now they’re saying I’m selfish and abandoning them. My parents also think I should keep helping because I’m more responsible. I feel bad, but I’m exhausted and don’t want to be their safety net forever. AITA?
NTA. Don’t give them another cent. Quitting jobs because they don’t like them, spending money on luxuries. That’s so entitled.
Quitting jobs because you don’t like them is what you *should* do. But you shouldn’t expect anyone to pay for you like the brother did, that’s entitled. Spending money on luxuries when you’re struggling financially is just moronic, not entitled.
They’re your sibling, not your kid. If your parents are so concerned about it, maybe they should be the ones supporting *their* child.
NTA
NTA, The second I read weed I knew they were using you. if theyre behind on rent, why arent your parents helping them instead? They are mad they have to do something now.
NTA
If your parents think you should continue to help them, advise them that they can step in because they’re more responsible.
thanks, i’ve actually said this to them, and that’s when things got more tense. They agree my sibling needs help, but somehow it still falls on me because i handle things better. i’m trying to set boundaries, not abadone anyone
This is called enabling. Please stop.
Stop sending money. You’re only enabling them. They don’t like a job and quit because they know you’ll cover for them. Stop being your siblings ATM. You sib needs a harsh reality check. They are an adult now and need to do adult things like get and stick with a job to pay their bills. And bills and food come before entertainment.
If your parents are upset about it tell them to help THEIR child. You sib is NOT your child nor your responsibility.
NTA. Keep the money you would have sent into a savings for your future (retirement or the off chance you get fired and need a safety net).
21 is a great time to learn to be an adult. NTA
Not sure why your parents think you should be punished for being responsible while your sibling is rewarded for wasting their money on weed and gaming, but no. Stop giving your family money. NTA at all for shutting this down.
NTA. If your parents think so, they can take over on providing money for take out and weed. Sounds like your sibling will need to face the consequences of their actions.
Good on you for stopping the money flow. Time to start saving that money for yourself!
No one likes their job in their 20s. Time to grow up.
NTA. You’d be doing a better favor for your sibling if you simply burned your money rather than giving it to them.
Your money is teaching that they don’t need to budget because you’ll handle their problems.
Ditto, they don’t need to keep a job, because there’s no real cost to quitting; there’s a soft landing waiting for them.
This is your sibling, not your child. You have no actual obligation to fund them. If they were to suffer an emergency that’s not their fault, it would be generous of you to help. All of your sibling’s “emergencies” have been a matter of their own choices.
Your parents are free to make their own bad choices about funding their offspring, but they don’t get to spend your money to implement them.
NTA. Your parents can send them money? They can’t afford it? Well, neither can you.