Hi, so my husband and I need your opinions since he wants to go the petty route and I am a non conflict person.
To start this off 5+ years ago my friend and I used to be really close, and she gave me a few things that she no longer wanted and she would probably throw away. At the time I was like yeah I’ll take it, even though I knew I wouldn’t use half the stuff. (Slight hoarder tendencies). She asked awhile back for a necklace she had given me and I couldn’t remember where it was and still don’t know. But I looked and told her I didn’t know where it was.
Any ways Over the years I had moved. Stuff was placed in storage. I’m not entirely sure I have half the things she’s asking about. Like I said it’s been over five years and I have bad memory.
So this morning I get a message and she lists a few items off, she says she doesn’t know why she got rid of the items but now they have sentimental value and I’m in a panic since idk where half the stuff is. When she gave them to me there was no sentimental value, it was stuff she was going to throw away.
My husband is pissed because it seems like she’s been purposely starting with me over the past few months. Doing things that upset me but I don’t really show it but my husband sees it.
This wasn’t what I wanted to wake up to not even a hi, how are you before getting to the point.
I honestly have no interest in going to a storage unit In the middle of winter with a broken foot (she knows about) to search for items that I don’t even think are there in cold ass weather.
I feel like an ass.
TLDR; friend wants items back that she gave me 5+ years ago now claiming they have sentimental value, idk where they are..and don’t know what to do?!
Edit: Thank you to everyone, you all have made me realize I’m too nice and care too much. This friendship has felt one sided for a long time and I haven’t told her how I feel since honestly we’re both busy with our lives and things have been hectic. I honestly have lied to her and myself for a long time when it came to discussing things because at the end of the day why bring negativity to it.
The friendship has its ups and downs and the one thing that destroyed me before this was awhile back I was kicked out of the wedding, she made the decision for me. I went through a miscarriage awhile back and life was crazy and she thought I didn’t need the added stress and decided to take my maid of honor title away. Which to be honest I didn’t know how to be one since I’ve never been in a wedding before but I did get excited and then when she chose to take it away my husband was more pissed and wanted me to be as pissed but I was numb for a moment. Her and I talked about it and said I could still be in it if I wanted but I didn’t feel wanted after that.
So I just kind of went silent to her. Then this happened and I felt like an ass for not knowing where things were and I felt guilty for how she said it. Idk I just needed advice so thank you. I just wanted you all to see the full picture since some wanted it and my husband wanted it as well.
You aren’t a pawn shop. NTA.
NAH
“I’ll keep an eye out for them. i wasnt sure where they were before we moved”
“Hey. Sorry, but when you gave me the items you gave me no indication you weren’t giving them to me outright. I have no knowledge of where these items are concerned its now been five years since you gave them to me.
NTA but literally what? Why would you even give this any consideration at all? Your friend is being ridiculous and you’re also being ridiculous for taking her seriously.
NTA. You’re not a storage unit. She *gave* the stuff to you. She didn’t ask you to hold it for her. If she’d wanted to keep her stuff, she could have rented her own storage.
“Oh wow, I haven’t seen those things in a while. I’ll keep an eye out and if I come across them, I’ll let you know!”
NTA.
I can’t even find my own stuff that I know is in my house that I just saw a month ago. How am I supposed to keep track of somebody else’s things that they gave to me as junk and they didn’t want anymore. I spent the last 2 days looking for my Norwex glass cleaning cloth 🙄.
NTA. Things don’t develop a sentimental value 5 years AFTER 5 you got rid of them. I want your husband’s side of this because I think you are leaving shit out that he would absolutely include.
Perhaps you can quickly shut down the conversation by just saying something like “I’m afraid I don’t know where those items are. I’m sorry to hear they’ve grown in importance to you but I’m unsure at this point if I’ve given them away or stored them. If I uncover any of them I will be sure to get them to you.”
To me, this would put a non-committal close on the conversation but leaves the door open for you to return those items to her in the future. You shouldn’t feel pressured to ‘hop to it’ and go hunt these things down, but IF you stumble upon the you should return them, since she’s asked you to. I realize you don’t want this request hanging over your head so hopefully it effectively ends the conversation.
You’re NTA here but I don’t think you should be withholding the items if she’s wanting them back. But if they’re gone / lost there is nothing you can do about it and you shouldn’t turn your life upside down trying to find them.
“Friend, you gave me these items years ago. Items that you were going to throw away. In the intervening time, items have been lost, given away, thrown out, placed in storage and then lost, etc. I have no idea where these things are any longer. I am not a storage facility. Should I happen upon something that was yours before you gave it to me, I will return it. But I am not looking for things that, again, you gave to me and now want returned.”
NTA.
You’re being an AH to yourself to continue this “friendship”. If my foot were broken my friends would be bringing me casserole and sending me funny reels, not asking about pre-pandemic trash.
Would you treat someone the way you’re being treated? No, because it’s not nice? Simply don’t respond, she doesn’t deserve your time or texts.
NTA and just tell her you don’t have them anymore. Maybe you do, maybe not, but the thing is, it is too late regardless.
“Sorry, I no longer have them. If you had told me they were on loan I would have returned them but you were going to throw them away.” NTA.
“I am sorry but you gave these items to me 5+ years ago and I have no idea where they are. If I still have them they are in storage somewhere and I am not in a position to search for them with a broken foot in the middle of winter.”