Me \[28M\] and my \[25F\] gf of 3 years have traveled abroad twice. I usually pay a little more, about 70% of the total budget.
I really like traveling and want to do it twice a year, but my gf can’t afford it, and I honestly can’t pay for both of us frequently. Not only because I pay a larger slice of the budget, but also because she likes more expensive hotels and dining experiences, and I am lower maintenance. We’ve even tried planning a low budget trip but there is a certain baseline that isn’t negotiable.
She tells me that she is ok with me traveling without her, but I see that this really makes her upset. When she shares her feelings, she gets very frustrated that she hasn’t saved up any money and never gained any experience that could score her a high-paying job. She doesn’t expect me to pay for her trip, but she is both insecure about her financial situation and frustrated that she can’t afford the lifestyle that she wants.
I would love to bring her with me if I ever get a raise, but that isn’t the issue. She really wants to be able to afford it and pay her share. I feel like I am rubbing it in her face when I plan my next trip.
AITA for going on a vacation without my gf?
NTA – she’s not your wife. She can’t afford travel and it’s not your job to equate your lives – not at this point imo.
Also, she’s making it so much more difficult bc she wants expensive hotels.
NTA.
You’re not married – your finances are your own. You don’t need to do everything with your partner. The fact that you ever pay towards your partner being able to travel with you even once a year is wonderful. You’re not obligated to pay for her in full or even to pay for her at all. Plan your next trip with a buddy and see how it goes.
It’s a selfish person who would rather see their partner miss out on having a wonderful experience at all than to see them have that experience without them.
NTA. If she is not prepared to drop her standards to mid range and affordable experiences, I doubt that she has a desire to travel. She is a champagne drinker on a beer budget and needs to sort out her feelings, career and finances herself. Don’t get involved.
NTA. I say live your life and explore the world while you don’t have children. Definitely. This is the time to go. Your gf should be excited FOR you and if she’s not, this is not the girl for you.
NTA. She has to drop her standards or drop some money on the trip. 🤷🏾♀️
is she could except staying inside her means she could pay her share to travel. but no, she wants expensive hotels and restaurants she simply cant afford. that’s why she can’t travel. your not rubbing anything in her face. she needs to live with in her means like an adult.
NTA. Go and do your traveling now. You NEVER know when life will hit you with something, and you loose your ability to travel. I can understand her being insecure and frustrated with her financial situation, but what is she doing to improve it? Why isn’t she getting the experience or training that she needs for a higher paying job? Has she tried cutting back on some unnecessary expenses so she can start saving up for vacation? Most people can’t afford the lifestyle they “want”, but are willing to make compromises.
Nta. If she wants to go she needs to stop being high maintenance and be thankful you’re even willing to pay as much as you are. She’s 25 not 80 she can still get experience and find a better job. Complaining will get her no where.
If she will settle for budget options, travel with her.
Otherwise, YNTA
NAH. You’re allowed to travel, and she’s allowed to feel insecure about her finances. That doesn’t make either of you wrong. The real issue is that your lifestyles and expectations don’t line up right now, and that’s uncomfortable but not malicious
For someone so frustrated with her financial situation, one would think she’d be more willing to travel on a budget.
NTA – If she can’t lower her standards to actually be able to afford it, then she can’t go. Or, find some part time jobs to earn some extra money. It’s very simple. If she doesn’t understand this, then maybe she needs to invest in a budgeting course. I also made a goal to travel abroad twice a year and the way to make it affordable for me at the time was staying in hostels. Met tons of great people and those dollars went way further than spending it on lavish hotels.
NTA. She can want whatever she wants, but until she \*does\* something about it, like additional training / job hunts / serious saving, I couldn’t see it as more than blowing off steam.
NTA
Please don’t limit your life because your gf doesn’t want to adjust anything…
1. If she wants to travel more but cannot afford it, then she needs to lower her travel budget.
2. If she likes to travel at a certain level of comfort, then she needs to spend less on other things in her life and save for her in-style travel.
3. If she wants to travel in style more than once a year (subsidized by you) AND enjoy her treats throughout the year, then she needs to invest in her education or in developing skills that pay better/ job search harder for a step-up job.
But NOPE. GF wants to travel in style, not change her budget, not change her job, not accept one subsidized trip per year. So let her live with those choices and enjoy your second trip of the year knowing that she is living the life that her choices give her.
You have to ask yourself whether you want a life/ long-term partner who wants to live above her means but doesn’t want to do anything to be able to afford the lifestyle she wants.
Maybe she’ll get motivated. Maybe you’ll realize that her value system and yours are not as great a match as you would hope. Things to consider before you get even more serious in your relationship with her.