My (37F) boyfriend (36M) (I’ll call him Larry) wants me to come spend Christmas with him and his family in Florida. For context, we have been dating for about 3 months, but we’ve been best friends online for 11 years. By best friends I mean we’d talk on video chats, voice chats, text messages and we even met up and hung out a few times (strictly platonic and over significant others at the time were there). Well I’ve just gotten divorced and now I’m dating Larry. I haven’t told my mom (57F) that he wants me to come to Tampa and spend Christmas with him, but I want to do it. For background this year with my mom has been awful. I’ve been staying with my parents with my 5 year old since my separation. She has done nothing but try to make me do what she wants in my divorce (we are amicable, just splitting because they came out as trans and I’m not into women). She wanted me to take my ex “for everything” and I didn’t want that and she called me stupid for not doing it. She’s been completely controlling and miserable to be around. She also called me a f\*\*cking b\*\*ch several times in front of my daughter. My daughter will be visiting her dad for the Christmas break, so it’s not like I’m missing time with her to go with my boyfriend. But I know she’s gonna flip out. So am I the a hole for wanting to spend Christmas with my bf instead of my mom? Would I be the a hole for going down there and doing it?
You are all grown up now, you get to decide who you want to spend Christmas with. If your Mom is indeed controlling and miserable to be around, the decision seems to be obvious. She’ll get mad. So what? NTA
I agree with this. OP can’t please everybody and she should spend the holiday with someone who isn’t controlling.
NTA. You’re a grown woman who can make the decisions that are best for your happiness and staying with your mom sounds miserable.
NTA but maybe consider if your mom will be so mad she’d kick you out over missing Xmas? Obviously housing is the most important. But otherwise, NTA for spending Xmas how you want.
This would be my concern, too. It’s not fair to be stuck in a place that you’re getting shouted at and name called in, but the shitty reality is that being financially dependent on others limits our individual freedoms.
Is there an estimated time you’ll be able to move out OP?
NTA – You are a 37-year-old woman, and I do not believe that you are out of line in wanting to visit him. I obviously do not know your situation, but if your mom is acting like that, then I do not believe that is a good situation for you to be living in with your child. I would advise you to try to move out quick! It can be done, I promise. I have been in a similar situation.
NTA – even if your mom wasn’t being overbearing and nasty, you deserve to spend your time as you wish.
May I offer this paraphrasing of your question:
“My mom is going to make my Christmas hellish, regardless of what I choose to do. Should I subject myself to the abuse in person, or suffer it from afar with people who like me?”
You already know the answer to this. It is YOUR choice what you do with your Christmas time, especially since your kiddo will be with their dad. End of discussion.
NTA- but please think of your kid first. (I’m guessing you plan on taking your son with you too and if not yta) but I don’t know if you should be having your son travel with you to visit your bf of 3 months family. Most experts would advise you to take it slower with introducing your bf to your kid this quickly.
My daughter will be with her other parent for Christmas this year
Then remember your sunscreen!
Thanks, I will.
NTA
Priorize your bf.