I (28F) have a close friend who I’ve been friends with for years. Lately, every conversation turns into her venting about the same problems she refuses to change. I listen, validate, give advice when she asks, but she doesn’t change anything so nothing about the situation she is venting about changes. I’ve tried gentle honesty before, and it didn’t go well.
So instead of having a big dramatic talk and make her be more emotional when she is already emotional, I’ve just been responding less and creating some distance. She recently asked if I was “mad at her” and I said I’ve just been busy and overwhelmed. I just don’t want to ADD onto her plate, but I also feel like I can’t keep "her problems" on my plate forever if she isn’t putting any effort in to change it? I don’t want to end the friendship, I just need space for now because I’m going through my own things too- that I feel like I can’t even talk about with her because I don’t want to burden her anymore than she already is.
Now I’m wondering if that makes me a bad friend for not being more direct. AITA?
YTA. Tell her what you wrote. She likely won’t handle it well, so you can continue to take your space, but she might. At least you’re not lying to her anymore. “I don’t want to end the friendship, I just need space for now because I’m going through my own things too- that I feel like I can’t even talk about with her because I don’t want to burden her anymore than she already is.”