My (20f) boyfriend (21M) had a Christmas party last night at a friends house. We both drove there separately, him picking up another friend on his way. The party went from around 8pm-3am, but it wasn’t super crazy, just close friends and some new acquaintances. There was alcohol, but I knew I wasn’t going to drink because I wanted to stay sober and awake for my drive home (since I live about 40 minutes away) and I had work at 11am.
My boyfriend on the other hand decided to drink until he was somewhat intoxicated, and I was fine with it because I hadn’t realized he drove himself there along with another friend.
By the time the party was wrapping up, he was sober enough to hold normal conversations, but I could tell he was still sleepy. The host, understandably, was not letting people spend the night, so we were discussing take home plans. Our friend found a different ride home since she only lives about 5 minutes away, but my boyfriend lives around 8 minutes away.
I offered to drive him home, but I couldn’t promise to help him get his car back in the morning because I had work. I also invited to take him to my place, but I would have to leave him at home while I worked. He didn’t like either of these Ideas, but I begged him to choose one soon because I didn’t want to get sleepy on my ride home, especially since Im a very new driver, and it was a foggy night.
He said he’d sleep in his car until the morning, and I told him Id rather take him home than let him do that. He decided to go to his car and I told him “please don’t drive (name)” but he took off anyway. I sat in my car in silence for a few minutes wondering what I should do, but since everyone else had made it home already I decided to go home before I got really tired.
Around 15 minutes into my drive, my boyfriend texted me. He said “I can’t believe you made me drive alone.” “You clearly don’t care about me.” And I just was bewildered. Im glad he made it home safe, but what more should I have done? I tried begging him, but he refused to listen. Am I the asshole for not following him and demanding him to listen to me?
Huh? You explicitly told him not to. NTA.
NTA
You offered safe options and begged him not to drive. He chose to anyway. You’re not responsible for forcing a grown adult to make better decisions, especially when you also needed to get home safely. His guilt-tripping after is unfair.
NTA but your boyfriend is dumb. Why would he sleep in his car when he could get a ride home and then walk back and get his car back the next morning. An 8 minute drive is at most a 20 minute walk. Your boyfriend was not thinking things through.
I wouldn’t have 30sec for that victim bs
He made his choice
NTA. You gave him multiple options to take him, asked him not to drive, and he decided to do so anyway. He is still an adult even if a few beers down. You did everything you could. You didn’t “let him” and you especially didn’t “make him” do anything. Alcohol doesn’t mean man doesn’t have accountability anymore.
NTA.
But that response – putting the blame for his bad decisions on you, and endangering himself, other people on the road, and wanting to endanger you – please put a hard boundary in place with him. If this happens again, I’d suggest ending this relationship. I would NEVER put up with someone blaming me for their shitty life choices.
You’re not to blame for him driving home drunk, to be honest he sounds like a complete disaster.
But if you weren’t confident driving home alone that late why did you plan to? Overall I would have to go with ESH for that reason although NTA for the larger issue of him driving intoxicated.
NTA. Next time drive him home and make him get a Lyft to retrieve his car. And by “him” I mean future boyfriend. Not this guy.
ESH
I’m being very strict here. When you know that someone drunk is getting behind the wheel to drive, you
1. Stop them from doing so, or
2. Call 911 and report a drunk driver, with make and model of the car, and where they can be found on the roads.
I don’t care if he is your BF or someone else you love. If this drunk person kills someone, you are complicit in the death, if you didn’t do what one of the above.
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Your BF is a HUGE AH. Not only did he drive drunk, he had the audacity to blame you for his Assholery.
This is a break up worthy event.
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Please, next time, in this situation, do better.
NTA
Your boyfriend is, though.
Your bf’s an asshole. And like all selfish, feckless drunk drivers, it’s everyone else’s fault but his own. The minute he drove off I would have phoned the cops on him. You’d have been doing him a favour. Better he gets caught now before he kills someone.
If you truly think that you’re the asshole in this scenario, I guess that explains why you’re with such a shitty loser. No one with an ounce of self respect ever would be.
He sounds like a guy that believes you losing your mind and being dramatic is proof of love. Find your way out. He sounds like a dumb trap.
Break up with this fool he’s not the victim
Nta. HE CHOSE TO DRIVE. this is a red flag. Hes trying to blame you or playing games. This is possible abusive behavior. Please reevaluate your relationship