I (40F) live in an apartment building and dated a neighbor (39M). During our relationship, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and went through multiple surgeries, including a breast implant exchange about four weeks ago.
One ongoing issue in our relationship was boundaries with his dog. He jumped on me constantly, and at night would walk or dig at my chest if I wasn’t cuddling him. My ex would yell at me and dismissed my concerns, even after my mastectomy. This friction contributed to our breakup. Shortly after, I learned he had cheated.
Since the breakup, whenever I see the dog in common areas (hallways, elevators, courtyard), he runs toward me and jumps on me. He’ll even back up to jump higher (I’m 5’5” and he can reach my rib cage). I’m still recovering from cancer surgery, I’m unsteady, and any impact to my chest is painful and potentially dangerous.
I told my ex this isn’t safe and asked him to keep the dog fully under control around me. Despite that, it’s happened repeatedly. Sometimes his affair partner (22F, doesn’t live in the building) is walking the dog and does try to control him but struggles. Other times, my ex has had the dog off leash, and allows the dog to jump on me to start conversations.
After asking directly and seeing no change, I started reporting the unsafe incidents to building management. The building has clear leash rules, and management has told him to control the dog, but it continues.
This is upsetting because I do love the dog, but it’s unsafe, and repeated interactions with my ex and his affair partner reopen the wound. My friends think I’m the asshole for reporting him “over a dog that just loves you.” And I admittedly, would carry the dog everywhere and basically treated him like a lapdog.
AITA?
NTA. Your ex is a TA who is actually putting his dog in bad, possibly dangerous situations.
He probably has zero comprehension that he is legally liable for any and all damage his dog does to people/property.
Glad you reported him, hopefully he’ll leash his dog now.
NTA I am a professional dog trainer and been around dogs my entire life in veterinary medicine, shelter work and owning my own training centre. This situation is awful for you and can create complicated health risks.
He needs to be able to control the dog. Owning a dog is not a right, it is a privilege and what he is doing is causing risk to you. I am sure the dog does love you but the behavior is not okay.
NTA Report every time and I would be very clear about possible legal consequences if the dog does injure you.
NTA you asked him to control the dog, the building management asked him to control the dog, any further consequences are on him. Its not difficult to put a dog on a leash
NTA.
>My friends think I’m the asshole for reporting him “over a dog that just loves you.”
Why don’t your friends care that your ex’s behavior could result in injury to you?
It was a bad breakup. I caught him in the elevator when I was four weeks post op with his affair partner. This was five days after he was planning a month long vacation for us for when I’m “normal.” I sent him a nasty text and he ghosted me, even in person. I took the breakup hard because he made me feel like I wasn’t normal and they say it feels like payback.
Your friends think you are trying to get revenge on your ex by asking the apartment management to enforce their stated leash policy.
Again, *why don’t your friends care that your ex’s unleashed dog could injure you?*
Yeah those friends really are not the OP’s friends.
NTA. You have legitimate concerns about your post-surgical and cancer care that the dog could hurt you.
You need new friends
You don’t even need to be recovering from cancer surgery to be in right here, but the fact that you are and he knows that is wild. I’m really sick of people adopting these huge dogs that they cannot reasonably control with or without a leash, it’s an accident waiting to happen and when it does it will be the owner’s fault but the dog’s detriment. NTA
NTA your ex sucks, but regardless of that….. unleashed dogs are ridiculous. Dog owners that do this are genuinely unhinged main character narcissists
Dog owners don’t seem to understand that other people don’t want their animal assaulting them. Keep reporting, your safety is at extra risk.
NTA. All other random facts aside, you are recovering from major surgery, and could be hurt. Whether you’re with him or not, cheated on or not…there’s a leash law. You tried reason and asking nicely.
NTA, you’re concerned for everyone’s safety. That includes the dog.
When you were describing how it acted pre-surgery I did wonder if the dog could smell your cancer. The digging behavior you described is something folks have observed in dogs before when they have cancer, usually before they’re medically diagnosed.
That being said, the behavior is incredibly dangerous for any human or other animal involved. It sounds like the dog is high strung and not trained and that could easily lead to a dog attack. I hope it never does but the fact that it will jump at you post relationship is an indicator that it could be worse.
I hope you stay safe OP.