I have two sister in laws pregnant. One is very low key, minimalist the other is more opinionated and high maintenance. As my husband has only brothers I felt it would be nice to offer to host a baby shower for my sister in laws for our side of the family. I offered a joint shower since they both are pregnant and due a few short weeks apart and it would all be the same people coming (our family) but my other more opinionated sister in law wanted it separate (which is fine if that is her wishes). So i hosted a shower for my more chill sister in law. It was low key and nice.
Now I am planning for my other sister in laws shower and I have the date and venue booked. Since starting planning her mom, sister and aunt have hijacked the planning leaving me in the dark. I found out theme and who is doing/bringing what yet I am expected to send out invites, plan games etc still. I want to tell them to just take it over and plan everything since they all have so many opinions and my sister in law really only talks to them on what she wants. I have nicely mentioned to my sister in law that they can take over planning but I am fed up being in the dark for everything yet expected to still do most of the actual work/buying items. AITA for telling them to just take over planning even though I am technically hosting the shower? I should note she also decided her side of the family is also invited to this shower so that is why her family has recently been involved.
NTA to turn it over to them. I would contact the SIL mother. It seems the shower has changed from what I originally planned and it seems the details have been decided by others.
I think it best for SIL to have the shower she wants to turn this over to you. I will send you the details of the venue. I look forward to celebrating with SIL.
NTA – They obviously want to take over, so let them.
More like, they want to micromanage her so *make* them take it over by backing out. After all, she just hosted.
It kind of sounds like they want to just the shower without footing the bill
NTA. They are all being extremely rude. They do not get to tell a hostess what to do. You including the mom in planning is a generous extension of your good will, not a requirement. It certainly does not mean they get to take over and tell you what to do.
I would probably approach it differently. I would say “I am the one hosting this party. I am not going to be dictated to. If you no longer wish for me to host then that is fine, and I will bow out. Otherwise, you’re all going to take a step back.” Leave the option in their hands.
NTA. You tried to do something nice and they decided it wasn’t good enough. To keep the peace, I would say they are welcome to plan and buy whatever they like, but you will only be contributing the space. If they say that isn’t good enough, then it is your prerogative to say that you would no longer like to host.
NTA, you were doing something nice and sil has a lot of notes. If she wants it done so specifically, and also doesn’t want to include you, let them do it
Stop being passive aggressive. If you realize you’ve been left out of planning details, and it bothers you, start a group chat. “Hey all, I’ve been finding out details after they’ve been planned and it makes being the host a bit tricky. Can we meet to solidify details and iron out who is responsible for what, or since you have gotten the ball rolling would someone else rather take over?”
What do you mean by “hosting”? Paying? Like, are they charging all these ideas to your credit card? Are they contacting the venue and lying about being you?
If she has a mom, sister, and involved aunt, did you discuss that with her before deciding to host?
NTA, leave them to it. Either you’re planning it or they are. Step back altogether, take it as a lucky escape.
I wouldn’t even ask for a meeting. Just send the message, group chat is fine:
Hello, ladies, I’m turning over the planning and hosting of SIL’s baby shower to SIL’s mom. I am gifting the venue of X place at Y date/ time as my baby shower gift. If that date and time doesn’t work for you, please let me know by the end of this week, so i can get my refund and buy SIL a onesie or something. See you at the shower!
This will let them know that your gift is the venue. And if they don’t let you know in enough time to get back a refund, then that was still your gift.
Just bow out and let them do it. Problem solved.
NTA. I think this should’ve been stopped @ separate parties. I agree with the group text. Who’s so insecure they need to highjack a baby shower
Wash your hands of the whole thing. They’re making you chase and beg them for details, leaving the work and financial costs to you, and when it’s not right, you’ll get the blame. No, thank you!
Send a nice message to SIL and her family: “wow you all have some amazing ideas for [SIL’S] baby shower! I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do it justice and I’m scared of spoiling your vision, so I’m going to respectfully step aside and let you work your magic. So excited to see what you create and celebrate with SIL!”
Ask them if they still want to keep the venue and demand they pay you asap any deposit money you’ve put in (or make it clear to everyone including SIL that the deposit money is your shower gift to her). Put them on a group email with the venue to transfer responsibility of the event, remove your payment info from the event, and giving venue all the contact info for SIL and her family.
Good luck! NTA